boys aren't so bad...

My boys proved to me tonight how sweet they can be. It's not really THAT rare of an occassion but this was especially sweet.

They like to walk over to Hy-Vee or Drug Town (we live just a couple blocks) and buy candy or useless crap they can pile in their disaster of a room - oops off track. Anyway, they walked over there tonight because a friend was going and the last $16 of Brendon's birthday loot was burning a whole in his pocket. It was getting late ('bout 7:15 pm) so I told them to hurry because I didn't want them walking that far after dark. At 7:30 pm it already looked dark so I was going to jump in the truck and head that way and pick them up. When I stepped outside, I realized it wasn't quite as dark as I thought and I'd give them a few more minutes. Within the amount of time it took me to go to the bathroom, they come strolling in. They yelled to me they have a surprise. I could see Brendon holding a rectangular box behind his back. It looked like a large board game or something. Well, when they showed it to me it was a Baby's Activity Rattle Play-Gym. Brendon had spent $5 (obviously a markdown) of his birthday money on his baby brother. Actually both brothers because he also bought Dallas a stuffed animal (he is obsessed with them).

I thought that was really sweet!!!! They'll be good with the baby.

Oh that reminds me - we were talking about buying a house with 4 or 5 bedrooms and Dallas made a comment about how that would be good for us because we are getting a baby. "Getting a baby" - like we will just go to the store and pick one out. HA.

E M B A R R A S S

Have you ever noticed that if you break down the word embarrass you actually get a root word of " bare ass"?! Boy did that ever fit for me last week...

oh yeah - this may be TMI (too much information) for some - not for the squeamish...

a first for me this pregnancy (never had it with the boys)...hemorrhoids! Oh and not your run of the mill hemorrhoid either - mine had a blood clot in it! So, after one trip to the doctor on Thursday and being in too much pain to wait the weeks it would take for the blood to reabsorb into my body, I ended up back at the doctor Friday to have the blood clot removed. Not the entire hemorrhoid mind you - no, that would be too merciful - just the blood clot.

But it was up on that table, on my side, naked from the waist down, with my doctor and his nurse stragetically positioned behind me that I really thought about the word embarrass (or bare ass) - for obvious reasons. And if that weren't bad enough - they have a new nurse who had never seen the procedure done before so they wanted to know if I minded if she watched. Heck, at that point how could I be more embarrassed?! Did you want to pose for a few pictures with the hemorrhoid too?

Hey, I got even though...that nurse didn't just watch - she got to hold my butt checks apart so the doctor could get in there! OH YEAH - I bet that made her day!!! Really though I handled the embarrassment in stride. I just kept thinking "God I hope I don't pass gas!". hehe

And it was about 12:30 pm so Ken and I were joking that we hoped they all had already eaten lunch. Otherwise, a cheeseburger covered in ketchup might night have been so appetizing after that procedure. HA.

On a lighter note, I am finally starting to feel better. The troops are retreating so to speak - I hope. At least I can sit without winching and wipe without crying. Ahhh the joys of pregnancy!

at what point do you leave?

I had an ob check yesterday - the appt was at 10:45 am and I got there at 10:44 am (not late). I waited about 45 minutes in the lobby before they took me back. That wasn't so bad but then I waited another HOUR in the little room before the doctor came in. I was NOT happy. I kept thinking "ok at an hour and a half I walking out". 5 minutes before that deadline I heard someone enter a room near me so I thought ok I'll wait and see if I'm next. 20 minutes later I was still sitting there. I know - I chicken out. I kept wondering what I would do if they walked in while I was dressing to leave. And then I also figured it would still come back on me. They'd say I left without being seen and still charge my insurance which would be crap because I was there - THEY were the ones not seeing me. Would you have left?

So, we were already on a bad note when the doctor asked me about my Level 2 ultrasound. I guess it was too soon for her to have gotten a report back from Iowa City. Anyway, I told her they didn't see anything. PAUSE...she wasn't really responding and I have a tendency that if there is a lull in the conversation I don't think the person understood what I was trying to say so I keep talking and talking. I said, "she said if you used your imagination maybe you could see something but she didn't think it was anything". Still PAUSE....ok maybe I got a "really?". But now I thought I had said something wrong so I tried to qualify it by saying, "well, they saw a bright spot on the right side but said it was muscle tissue and said maybe there was a brighter spot on the left but they didn't think that was anything". Then she lets loose with "WELL, we can CERTAINLY show them the pictures we saw because there definitely was a bright spot!!"

pissy, pissy, pissy

I thought later how that statement was news to me because on the phone she said she didn't see anything the day of the ultrasound at her office - and that it was another doctor who "thought" they saw a "small" echo. Now all of a sudden there "definitely" was something there. It's like she was pissed they are saying it was nothing. Wasn't that the goal?! Isn't "nothing" good news in this situation?!

Ok - this next part might be TMI (too much information) for some of you so be forewarned...

So then it was time for the pelvic check. I have one at every visit so she can check my cervix. And during each of those lovely exams I can alway feel her knuckles burring into my butt as she gets in there far enough to feel the cervix. Having someones knuckles pushing into your butt doesn't feel good anyday but it especially KILLS when you have a external hemrrhoid the size of Texas. (Ok I realize that analogy would then make my butt the size of North America but go with me on this.) No, there's no being delicate - she pushed right on the puppy too.

I was in tears leaving there. My butt hurt, my feelings were hurt, my pride was hurt! I just wanted to go home and crawl back in bed. Since I had to go back to work I treated myself to lunch instead. Still felt crappy the rest of the day! What ever happened to bedside manner?

Some GREAT news and some so so news...

Well, we got mostly great news today. They didn't see anything on the ultrasound. "They" being a technician, (2) doctors and a med student - we had a room full. First the technician did the ultrasound and took a bunch of pictures. She told us when she was looking at the heart that she didn't see anything. The echo the doctor here thought they saw was supposedly in the left ventricle. The tech today said she saw a brighter spot (remember that is what those echos are classified as - "bright spots") in the right side of the heart but that was only muscle tissue. She said maybe there was a brighter spot on the left side but she wouldn't even consider that anything. Later she also said she wouldn't have sent us for that.

Anyway, she went and showed everything to a doctor and then the doctor came in to watch her do more of the ultrasound. Funny thing - in that timeframe the baby flipped and they no longer could get a good view of the heart. They referred back to the pictures she saved earlier while she kept trying to get the baby to move. They were finally able to get a couple more views of the heart. Again, they didn't find anything. The one doctor said maybe there was a brighter spot and if you used your imagination then maybe you could make something of it but she didn't see it as anything. The other doctor said they were beautiful pictures of the heart. I was trying to hold back tears and the med student said, "this is a good thing" so then I had to choke out the words "I know, these are happy tears!". They all smiled and chuckled.

Our theme seems to be settle or discount one issue but find another. Well, turns out that on 1 out of 3 pictures of the baby's kidneys today - they think the left kidney was slightly enlarged. Again, this was only on 1 out of 3 pictures. SO...we get to do this Level 2 ultrasound again at 36 weeks to double check the kidneys before the baby is born. Again, they are telling us this could be absolutely nothing. The said that they have a set size the kidneys should be at 18 weeks, but I'm passed that stage. They also have a set size for the kidneys at 28 weeks and I'm not there yet. So, they said it could very well be that everything is fine for my gestational stage but they just don't have those set numbers. When someone is that far along they offer to come to Cedar Rapids to do the ultrasound. I took them up on that since with my stitches I may not tracel well at 36 weeks. So, that will be Dec. 8th.

Otherwise, I have a regular ob check on Monday the 20th (Brendon's 11th b-day) and another on Oct. 1st so chugging along we go.

The baby measured at 1 lb 12 oz - slightly above the above of 1 lb 8 oz - and the heartbeat was 146. Yes, slowing down to that boy rate.

I can't tell you how relieved we were or thank you all enough for your kind words and wishes. I asked Ken if he had said his prayers this morning or if he had at all. He said yes and asked if I had - and I said yes. I know you all did too.

I saw our family doctor later in the day and I hadn't been in since I've been pregnant so when they asked how everything was going I told them we've hit some bumps along the way but we are getting through fine. Now we pray it stays that way.

Thanks everyone.


OH YEAH...I forgot....

the technician was typing some stuff into the computer before she went to get the doctor. The first words I saw were "no abnormalities noted" and that was great! But then right befor she shut if off I saw this, "view limited due to patient's size". WHAT THE ...?!! I totally don't even know what that means!!! I guess it means since I'm overweight (aka FAT) they couldn't see as well. That totally sucks that they would even say that. I have to say I was kind of offended.

info on the "echo" my doctor referred too...

I tried to do some research yesterday as soon as I had a chance on this "echo" my ob referred to on the ultrasound. The only thing I could really find was about echocardiograms which basically is the ultrasound of the heart. Well, someone from the Incompetent Cervix support group I recently joined (online) turned me on to the actual name they are probably referring too. It's called an echogenic focus - a bright spot (or echo) in the heart on the ultrasound.

Here is a great site that explains it in easy terms and has a good ultrasound image showing the "echo".

http://www.medfriendly.com/echogeniccardiacfoci.html#whatisit

I got a lot of relief from this because it's very common for these echoes to show up on 2nd trimester ultrasounds but it also talked a lot about the possibility of Down Syndrome. I admit, I broke down for a few minutes. It's just so heartbreaking to think of the possibilities. I was trying so hard to convince myself that even if it was a chromosome defect that it didn't necessarily mean any form of retardation. I just don't know that much about it and I was hoping against hope that chromosome damage doesn't always mean retardation. And I don't think that it does but all the reading I've done on this particular condition, they only talked about Down Syndrome.

I truly do not intend to and hope I don't offend anyone who does know of or live with that kind of handicap when I express my fears. Ken and I both have Celerbal Palsy in our families. I've never told my sister-in-law this but I admire her for all she's done for my niece. I admire her strength. It's like I said before that you just never know how or if you can handle these types of things until or if they happen to you. I know I will find the strength yet I feel guilty for hoping that I don't have too.

Anyway, I also found some posts on another message board where people had an echo show on their ultrasounds too and everything turned out fine. They are very informative so I'm including a couple below. I already knew before this that a lot of these genetic or abnormality tests are very unreliable and inconclusive. That is part of the reason we turned them down. I turned down the amnio because of the significant risk of miscarriage and also turned down the Alpha Feta Protein blood test because of the high number of false positives. I also didn't want to have to go through the rest of my pregnancy stressing out about something I couldn't change. Yet here I am doing that same thing.

Still trying to stay positive and keep my mind off of it 'til the test.

Here are those stories of other people's cases...(these were not posted to me, they were posted to someone else at some point who went through the same thing).

"...just went through your very same experience. I was told at 21 weeks that my baby had an Echogenic Focus of the Left Ventricle. My OB was not concerned and said it is a very common finding and sent me to a Perinatologist to do a level 2 U/S. The Peri saw absolutely nothing and told me that the original U/S could have just been on a weird setting that day. The Peri and the OB both told me that this does not indicate D/S and with it being the only thing that was possibly seen on the 1st. U/S they didn't even feel the need for an amnio, which my husband and I would have rejected anyway because we would never terminate the pregnancy regardless of the outcome and the risk of miscarriage and infection are pretty high with amnio. I am 31 years old and this is my 3rd. baby. I am confident that your baby will be fine if this was the only thing they saw. I cried for three weeks waiting for my appt. with the Peri, please try to relax and take care of your pregnancy. I know first hand how scary it is to be told that there may be something wrong, but know that God is in control. My Peri told me that the U/S tech. should never say what the possibilities are especially when this is the only marker. I will be praying for you, your baby and your husband. Hang in there, you will end up very happy in a few months. ...".

"...know what your going through. At 19 weeks they also saw an echogenic focus on my baby's heart. My triple screen came back normal too and my doctor did not advise an amnio (I am 28 yrs. old) She told me her group sees this with some degree of frequency in their patients. She currently had 5 other women with this besides me. At my 28 week ultrasound they could not find the EIF. I visit this site often because it is positive and I have not read one story about EIF being the only marker and a baby having a chromosomal defect. If your doctor feels good about things that's a good sign. Read the old posts on here too and you will feel better. Good luck. ...".

"...My baby had an ECF in her left ventricle at my 18 week ultrasound. I was 34 at the time and no other markers were present. I didn't have an AFP or an amnio but did worry for the rest of my pregnancy. I had genetic counseling and there was a lot of doom and gloom about Down Syndrome presented to me and my husband which was so unnecessary. It caused us so much anguish.

My daughter is 11 months now and perfectly healthy. I am now pregnant with my third child and if my ultrasound shows up an ECF, I definitely won't worry this time. ...".

I'm adding this on 09/13/04 after a response on the message boards over the weekend...

"...I have a very good friend who also as told at her 20 week sono that the baby had this spot on his heart. They told her that sometimes this is seen in babies with downs, but not always. They did not find any other problems that would cause them to suspect a chromosome defect. (thick nuchal fold, SGA ect..) The spot on the heart continued to show up on all subsequent sono's. Her doc told her that from his experience, the spot ended up being nothing more times than it was a problem. She delivered a 8# 7oz healthy baby boy 2 days ago. He does not have any heart problems or anything. I will keep you in my prayers. ..."

Here is just another brief explanation and doctor's thoughts...

Intracardiac Echogenic Focus

Increased echogenicity (a bright echo) of the fetal cardiac papillary muscles or chordae tendineae (usually left-sided) is seen in 3 to 5% of fetuses scanned and is considered by most investigators to be a benign ultrasound finding. Reports of Bromley et al and others, however, have suggested that there is an association between this finding and trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). This group found that 6% of fetuses with an echogenic intracardiac focus had trisomy 21. They estimated that in a low risk population with an age adjusted risk of Down syndrome of 1/250, the presence of an intracardiac echogenic focus would have a 1.5% predictive value for trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). However, other investigators (including data from SJMMC) have not been able to find a statistically significant association between isolated echogenic foci in the fetal heart and chromosomal abnormalities. Further research in this area still needs to be done to clarify the significance of Intracardiac echogenic foci.

I'll definitetly keep you all posted.

possible heart defect...

We didn't get such great news today. If you read my last post, maybe you remember me saying that my ob said she would call me if anything changed on the official ultrasound report verses what she viewed in the office that day. Well, we got a call today that a radiologist thinks he sees a small echo (whatever that is) in the heart. They are sending us to University next Thursday (09/16/04) for a Level 2 ultrasound. This could be nothing - as in they may not even find an echo on the 2nd ultrasound. Or it could be a heart defect, an underlying heart disease, or a chromosome defect.

Needless to say I've been a wreck since I got the call. Then I missed the call back with our appt time so I was wondering why the heck they hadn't called me back yet. I finally checked my voice mail and they had actually called. I'm trying to stay positive but it's scary. We previously turned down all of the genetic testing they offered (based on my age) because we figured there wouldn't be anything they can do anyway. I guessing that if this new ultrasound shows a defect they will insist on an amniocentesis to rule out chromosome defects.

I remember we went through (3) different scares with Dallas - one before he was born and all of those came out fine. So, like I said, I am trying to stay positive and keep my mind off it but it's hard. It's not that I'm worried we'll lose the baby. I know they can do heart surgery and even can do that inutero. I'm worried if it's a chromosome thing then mental retardation always come to mind. Or with a heart defect, life long health problems. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to get through something like that. I guess you never do know until or unless it happens to you.

Keep us in your prayers this next week.

another appt...

Had my 23 week appt today. They were doing an ultrasound to check all 4 chambers of the heart. They saw all those fine but now say they couldn't see all of the spine. My doctor wasn't worried though because they never reported not seeing it on other ultrasounds. If the official report came back any different she was going to call me.

We got some great pictures today. I know I shouldn't even bother saying that since I haven't followed through with getting them up on here. I will, I will, I will! One was really cute where his foot was up by his head but he moved his head right when she took the still shot so it's out of the frame and now it just looks like an odd leg laying in there. HA.

And yes, I said "he". Apparently it's still a boy. It didn't fall off in the last 3 weeks since the last ultrasound. Now just still deciding on a name. I think it's still Nicholas for the 1st name but now we can't agree on Richard or Dean for a middle name. I say Dean. Not just because it is my mom's middle name but it sounds better with Nicholas. I told Ken since he got his boy the least he could do is let me pick the name.

I'm still doing great. My cervix is unchanged - still long and thick. I've only gained 4 lbs overall. The nurse keeps asking me, "you are eating though, right?". OF COURSE - when have I ever not been eating! HA. No, but I don't eat anymore than I usually do and I'm eating the same stuff I usually do. Nothing more (or less) fatten than before. The baby measured at 1 lb 7 oz. The e-mail updates I get from American Baby put the 23 week average a 1 lb. So the baby is doing fine without me packing on an extra layer so we are ok with that.

Starting Monday I get to start parking in handicap at work anyway. For about a week or so now I have been having trouble with the morning hike from the back 40 of the parking lot to the building. By time I hit the sidewalk, I was short of breath, stomach hurt, felt like I was either was going to throw up or pee my pants. I don't know if anyone could ever tell but it's probably not a vision to see me doing Lamaze breathing just to walk from point A to point B. I mentioned it to my doctor and she faxed over a note to work and they didn't have a problem with it. Yeah PMX. We'll see if I get to the point where I need a temporary handicap permit for all my ventures. All that will mean is that I'll be the designated driver to EVERYWHERE. HA.

I start going every 2 weeks now and will have my 1 hour gestational diabetes check in 4 weeks. Oh boy can't wait for that. Nothing to eat or drink for 2 hours before and an hour during - yeah that's logical for a pregnant woman. I don't know if we'll have any more ultrasounds. Probably because they is there best way to measure my cervix. I want so bad to ask if I am going to ever get a 3d ultrasound but I don't want to sound pushy. I know even though they have them they don't always offer them. We'll see.

Well, I am taking off for some much needed veggin' on my couch. I have been working 12 - 14 hours overtime a week and I am taking the night off. Not that it matters much since I'll be working Saturday and the holiday but I'll take it.