Entitlement and Misguided Respect

I am a little drunk so please excuse the typos as there may be plenty and please excuse the total immaturaty of this subject but, like I said, I am a little drunk and everything is a crisis when you are drunk.

So, I my cell phone went dead early on in my evening out with friends tonight. I figured it's a new battery, you are supposed to let them die completely down the first time and then recharge them. BUT when I got home 5 hrs later, I was excited to plug it in and see if I got any text messages. There probably was going to be at least one booty offer from my not-so-ex-husband. I could except or decline - my choice - but first I had to see if there was even any messages.

Got home, went to the outlet I always keep my charger in and it was gone. I had just used it a day or so before so I know it was there. My son and I have the same phone but our own chargers so he shoudn't need mine but he had to have taken it. I remembered him rolling up the cord around a charger earlier in the day before he went to his dad's but I never thought it was my charger because he had his own.

I was mad!

I called him from our home phone on his cell phone and when he answered, immediately jumped on him,

me: "did you take my charger?"

him: "uh, yeah"


me: "did you ask me if you could?"


him: " you saw me taking it"


me: " I thought that was your charger, why would I ever think it was mine?"


silence...


at some point...


him: "well, I left mine at Billy's"


me: "then why didn't you ask your dad to take you back?"


him: "cuz we were already so far away"


me: "SO. Wouldn't it have been better to have asked and he said no then not to ask at at?


silence...


me: "so when will I get my charger tomorrow?"


him: "uh, when we come home" (which isn't 'til after 6:00 pm usually)


me: "so, I have to go the whole day with no phone just because you think you deserved to take something of mine


him: "well, you still have the home phone"


me: "maybe I want to see if I have any text messages. Isn't that why you wanted your phone charged? To be able to text? Why are you any better than me?"


silence...


at some point there was some shouting from me saying "you don't respect me. All I am to you is a taxi driver and an ATM machine. Maybe when I get my charger back I should take your phone for a couple days so you can see how it feels"


me: "why can't you ask your dad to bring the charger back over tomorrow?"


him: "well, if he brings us over for that, he'll say why don't you just go home yourselves then too".


me: "not if you ask him to bring you right when you get up"


him: "well, I don't think they are going to get up too early so by time they do get up, he will just want to drop us off too"


me: "oh I see...you don't want to inconvenience your dad by asking him to go back to Billy's house to get your charger but you can inconvenience the fuck out of me by taking mine"


silence...


The thing is he never once said he was sorry! Where the fuck do they get this sense of entitlement?! That they can take whatever the fuck they want and screw whoever it inconveniences. I know, I know...from me probably. But it still pisses me the fuck off.


Back to his comment about if he asks his dad to bring him home to bring me my charger then his dad will just want to drop him of too. Unfortunately, I said, "See! Why would you want to be around that? I take care of and spend time with you every day and you care more about someone who would drop you off early just to convenience them! I don't get why you give him more consideration than you would give me".


Not my most shining moment. And alcohol is NO excuse. BUT...it has always drove me CRAZY how my boys have this unconditional love for their father when he has been as absentee father 90% of their lives. No matter what bullshit he pulls, and trust me, he has pulled some doosies (hurtful, mean, underhanded, disrespectful, selfish doosies) in their lifetime...they still love him unconditionally. He isn't invisible to them like I am. He isn't stupid to them like I am. He isn't a drag to him like I am. He isn't a means to what they want like I am and it drives me fucking crazy!


I know that probably makes me selfish too...to want them to bow at my feet for all the sacrifices I have made for them but I can't help it. Lord knows I am not a mother for the glory cuz Lord also knows there are times there is no glory...but is it too much to ask that there are times your kids respect what you do above and beyond being biologically obligated to mother them. Yes, I have to do it but that's not even it. I want to do it. I find great joy in giving them what makes them happy but when does it ever cross their mind to make their mother happy


I don't know...I am a little drunk...and probably all "react first, think later"...and I KNOW I handled it all badly...but it hurts...it hurts real bad that I don't know that I will ever have that unconditional love they give their father even though I am the one who has given them everything all their lives. It hurts...it hurts real bad!