Selling My Body to Science

Do they give cash advances on promising to will your body to science? You know like you get an advance on making an album or writing a book in anticipation of a much bigger pay off later?! I don't know who would consider my body a big pay off today let alone when the time comes that I am no longer using it and science could take over but I have run out of ideas to come up with quick cash. Well, other than selling my body for other reasons...but that is NOT an option.

The walls are closing in quick. I have been playing more than just two ends against the middle for so long and now this week that just got worse. After borrowing money I can't even afford to pay back, my car semi-broke down on Monday. All it was was the battery connectors but it cost me $90 to get them replaced. Let me break that bill down a little for ya...

Shop parts $ 4.80
Labor $79.96
Tax $ 5.08

Me being hauled off to the poor house....priceless...NOT!

I just don't know what I am going to do. That $90 was the grocery and gas money for the week. For the week! I don't get paid for almost two more weeks. Before I could get to the bank (because of the car breaking down) with the money I borrowed to cover my rent, it had gone through. The NSF charge for that now means the check for the car repair won't go through. The $500 I paid last month to keep my utilities on has come and gone and now they are all due again. I owe just about everyone and their grandma...day care...preschool...I'm afraid they are going to ask me to pull Jace out until I can pay and since I can't pay, he'll loose his spot.

I know I put myself in this situation by not budgeting and by not paying my bills before I spend on eating out and going out and material things that we could probably do without but even though I put myself here, I am still stressing out BIG time and I need to vent. I mean, it's not may times I've sat in the grocery store parking lot and cried after just scrimping out what I could buy to feed my kids for two weeks on a total of $38 in cash and a dollar in dimes and nickels. I didn't even figure than well enough and had to have them take off a loaf of bread because I was $0.60 short. And racking my brain to figure out how to make $20 in my gas tank last two weeks when one kid has physical therapy three times a week and another is lifting weights after school getting ready for basketball season and another needs picked up from day care everyday.

Something has got to give and I don't know what. I have some child support money coming but it's his first payment from a new employer so I have no idea how timely they are in sending in their payments. I also should have some money from the proceeds of the sale of my mom's house but it's not up to me when that money gets dispersed. I've already borrowed against my proceeds once so I don't feel I can ask how much is left and when we'll be getting it. Plus that brings on all these guilty feelings of essentially prospering from my mother's death. I should be so ashamed that I am counting on that money when if she were still here, there'd be no sale. Makes me feel like the worst daughter in the world... the worst person ever.

I also have a injury claim to settle from the car accident I was in back in June that I really have no idea how to go about. I hate to rush to settle just because I need the money but I need the money. Christmas is coming and all those bills and I don't know what else to do.

I always swear when I come into money that I will be better. That I will always pay the bills first and if there is anything left over then maybe we can spend on extras but I NEVER do that and a couple times I year at least, I find myself back here with the walls closing in.

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!