Monday, September 21, 2009

And I Trust These People to Care for My Child...

By the time I finally got my child picked up from day care today I was so mad I was in tears and almost shaking.

First of all, we are at a new day care this year. Our school district received a grant from the state to offer free pre-school to 240 - 4 year olds and the district's Early Childhood Center (ECC) provides what they call "wrap around" care to those pre-schoolers before and after preschool. This same Early Childhood Center also offers before and after school care to K - 6 graders as well. There are four elementary schools on campus, each of which has this before and after care but it's the first year in each building for the pre-school "wrap around" care...or so I understand.

I understand that with anything new there is going to be growing pains so I tried to be patient when on the 1st day of school the young staff members at our building (View) had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA that there would be pre-schoolers coming to their site or that they would be expected to offer care to those arriving before 7:00 am. I also tried to be patient when at the beginning of the 2nd and 3rd weeks of school, there were no sign in sheets ready for those arriving before 7:00 am Monday morn. We also have to sign our child(ren) up for breakfast everyday or they do not get breakfast. You cannot simply say "my child will be eating breakfast every day", you have to circle Y or N on this piece of paper at the end of each day for the next day or, again, your child does not get breakfast. I tried to be patient when this sign up sheet was also not available at the beginning of weeks 2 and 3 and I had to leave hoping my child would indeed get fed. I tried to be patient when they sent home sheets detailing "SPIRIT WEEK" and how each day will be something like Hat Day, or Pajama Day, etc only to find out that the elementaries were not to participate in these days. I tried to be patient as the young staff members scowl at me each morning as I cheerfully say "good morning" . They don't respond, they don't flinch, they are like robot zombies staring at you trying to kill you with lasers coming out of their eyes!

I'm a very patient woman as you can tell! But today...today...had me so riled I could rip their zombie heads off and shit down their sorry necks! Today was an inservice day and the ECC was offering all-day care to preschoolers as well as their before/after school age kids. I still have to work when there are inservice days so I signed Jace up. I arrived at our building (View) at the normal time of 6:45 am only to be greeted in the hall by a school staff member asking if I was bring a ECC kid, to which I responded, "yes". She said, "yeah another mother already brought her child too and there isn't any staff here". TEACHER SAY WHAT?! Long story short...she had called someone and she was sure there should be staff there and would call around and she was waiting for a callback. About that time in walks the a-hole who inspired my FB post this morning..."cannot stand arrogant, ignorant people"...he proceeds to spew his wretched condesation that a letter was sent home that all-day care today would be at the main building (Crest). I said, "oh, I didn't get that"...and then he went there...he said, "yeah, you need to check by the sign out sheets each day because there will be letters and notes for parents to take home". OH NO HE DIDN'T!! I said, "yeah, I'm telling you there was no letter because I was not the only parent to bring my child to this location today!" FUCKING SNOTTY ASS SNIVELING LITTLE WEASEL!!! He offered to take Jace over to Crest but I said I would drive him.

We get to the Crest cafeteria and they had no sign up sheet for us. So, if all-day care was supposed to have been at this building, they also were unprepared. They had us sign in on blank papers. Another mother arrived bringing her kids over from yet another building (Ridge), so this confirms that, no, parents weren't told all-day care would be at Crest.

I noticed like 3 signs on the table that said ECC Kids would be going to the movies and that no money would be needed for this. "Phew" , I commented to the staff member close by and she said, "yeah, I don't think the pre-schoolers are going - just the school age kids". I said, "oh well it's confusing because my child attends ECC and it says ECC kids". Apparently pre-school "wrap around" kids have cooties and aren't allowed to do the same things the school age kids can do. I'm telling you this childcare (and I use the term "care" loosly) facility really knows how to make you feel like you are NOT welcome AT ALL and that you are a huge waste of their time.

So, I leave Jace as he was heading off to either do Play-Doh or Hot Wheels...no harm, no foul...I go about my work day and head back to get him at a little after 4 pm. This is when the earth apparently opened up and swallowed my child, never to be heard from again. I go to the Crest cafeteria where I had left my child some 9 hrs earlier and I can't find the blank sheet they had us sign them in on. A staffer asked me who I was looking for, I told her my son's name and nothing...no recollection of my child whatsoever. She asked me which building and I said, "View pre-schooler". She responded, "oh all pre-schoolers are in the wrap around room, do you know where that it?" ME: ahhh, considering my child doesn't attend this school, that would be a big, fat "NO!!". So, I was sent up the stairs and down to the very end of the hall, as far as you can go. And so I did. I get to that room and no Jace there either. That staffer again asked me who I was looking for and she said those kids were at View. By this point I was fuming! I was like...

ME: "WHEN DID THEY MOVE THEM OVER THE VIEW?"
GIRL: "ummm, they are always over there, have you checked there?"
ME: "NO!!! I DROPPED MY CHILD OFF HERE AT CREST THIS MORNING, I EXPECT TO PICK MY CHILD UP AT CREST!!"

She sent me to the office where I found ABSOLUTELY NO OFFICE PERSONNEL around. Everyone had gone home for the day. I shang-hi-ed a girl cleaning in the infant room and said, "excuse me, I am looking for my child!" . By this point, I am so frantic that when I was trying to regurgitate the whole story again, I sounded like a 911-caller! She called the director who again said the View kids were at View and they asked again if I had checked at View. I'm pretty sure I was channeling Linda Blair at that point and as my head spun around and I turned green, I once again said, "NO!!! I DROPPED MY CHILD OFF HERE AT CREST THIS MORNING, I EXPECT TO PICK MY CHILD UP AT CREST!!"

So, then the lady on the other end of the phone decided she really didn't know where they were and that this girl should call her sister, who one can only assume either also works at ECC or the Psychic Friends Network...I'm not sure which. This caller said they had told me the wrong room and that they were in one of three rooms at the end of the such and such hallway. Kinda like "Let's Make a Deal"..."you can have what's behind Door #3, which may or may not be your child, or I'll give you this sterling silver booger platter" .

So, I head to those rooms and get lost along the way. I was all turned around and my stomach was twisted in knots so finally I laid down in the fetal position and cried to some staffers in the hall, "CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE MY CHILD IS??!!"

I got the same run around..."I think they are at View"... "when did they go to View"..."I dropped my child off here this morning"..."Have you checked View?"...it was like it was their standard script and I was seriously ready to strangle someone! Everyone kept insisting there were at View and had been all day, I kept insisting that no they hadn't because there was no staff at View that morning and that I had even been scolded for bringing him to View when there allegedly was a letter sent home saying to bring them to Crest!

Finally, I drive over to View and this is when everything sets in...I had been tearing up and trying to hold it together but I started crying. I was so FRICKIN' PISSED!!! They were at View and I started in on the girl there wanting to know when they had been brought over to View and why I hadn't been notified. She didn't know anything about it, about anything that had taken place, the kids were at View since she had come to work and was shocked to hear there hadn't been any staff onsite that morning, that it was her understanding that preschoolers would be at their regular buildings. Completely reiterating what I had been saying all along that there was no notice to send them to Crest. She apologized over and over and said she would talk to the director herself to try to get me some answers. I said, "oh I will be calling her myself in the morning!".

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT??!! I mean I can totally understand if they had some staffing issues and worked them out but someone should have notified me that they had moved my child back over to View!!! I mean it's a phone call and the very least they could do for their screw up...especially when they tried me make me out to be the bad parent for coming to View in the first place that morning.

I am still so upset by the whole thing and wondering, "seriously?!...and I trust these people to care for my child?!"

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Our Day in Pictures (by Mommy & Jace))

Since there ended up being a little sun this afternoon...


...Jace and I decided to go outside and play...

...here Jace is playing some baseball...


...and here I am cheering him on while enjoying some of the green beer I missed out on yesterday...


...then we decided to follow a rainbow...


...but as can see we did not find a pot of gold...or anymore green beer!

...all and all...a pretty good afternoon!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

May I See Your IUD Please?

I tell you nothing will strike fear in the heart of a girl still in her "prime", if you will, faster than the doctor saying during an exam that they think your IUD has become dislodged!!!

Uhhhh, say whaaatt??!!!

...and that they need to do an ultrasound to make sure it's still in place.

Wholly EPT Batman, that was a close one!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Not One of Those Days

A few weeks ago it occurred to me that the 6 month anniversary of my mom's death was fast approaching. That revelation shook me. I thought there is no way it's been that long. I re-did the math and simply couldn't believe that Feb. 13th was going to be 6 months. But then the day came and went and I never gave it a second thought. How could that be? When I realized I hadn't even thought of it that day, I was really upset with myself for not acknowledging it. But realistically, what was I supposed to do? Lock myself in my room, listen to her favorite songs and bawl my eyes out? Life goes on, right? Life goes on and that's what happens is some days you are so very aware of her being gone and you miss her so much it breaks your heart all over again and then some days it doesn't...some days it doesn't enter your mind...you still miss her...but more and more days pass and you aren't consumed with grief.

Today was not one of those days. Ken & I had a meeting with our divorce attorney and it's out on Mt. Vernon Rd. We drove passsed Mercy Hospital to get there and on the way out, it didn't really affect me too much. But on the drive back, like every time I drive by Mercy, I looked up at that 9th floor window and the tears came. I thought I could hold it in, dry my tears, let it go with each block we got further away but I couldn't. Looking up at that window takes me right back into that room watching her slip away...waiting for her to die...but also how peaceful she looked once she was gone. I tried so hard not to cry, not to break down, that I literally could not catch my breath - gasping more than once for air.

It was just one of those moments...one of those days that I'm very aware of her being gone. And the thing is those moments...those days are not always going to come on the anniversary of her death, on Mother's Day, on her birthday, or at the holidays. Some days will always be easier than others but today was not one of those days.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

It is too late to put my kids up for adoption?

I'm starting to understand the Nebraska Safe Haven law that allows for kids up to age 17 to be dropped off with no retribution. Surely it was allowing for a conversation such as this that could cause a parent to bring harm to their child.

B: "I have a 1/2 day suspension on Monday."
Me: "Why?"
B: "Demerits."
Me: "Umm, the other day when you dad was mad about your getting 4 demerits in 2 days you acted like it was no big deal. Tardy a couple times to a class far away from your locker. How many demerits do you have?"
B: "11."
Me: "Umm, for what?"
B: "Being tardy and stuff."
Me: "What stuff?"
B: "Not having a pencil."
Me: "Why don't you have a pencil?"
B: "I lost it."
Me: "Why didn't you ask me for another one?"
B: (silence)
Me: "Umm, hello? That was a question - it needs a response."
Me: (not waiting for response) "Or take some loose change and buy one at the school store?"
B: "I don't have any loose change and I'd just loose it."
Me: "You are plain out saying you are too irresponsible to keep track of a pencil all day so why bother trying to have one with you?"
B: "I forget it."
Me: "Why do you forget it?"
B: "I use it and set it down and forget about it."
Me: "You mean the one main school supply you use in every class you can't remember to keep with you throughout the day?"
B: "I don't use it in every class."
Me: "So, if you have a pencil with you but happen to not need it for your next class, you just ditch it...leave it behind?"
B: (silence)
Me: ...bang my head against the car door...

Then I changed the subject...

Me: "I didn't realize, or had forgotten, that Kenyon played at Iowa when Chris Street played there." (Kenyon Murray, former Iowa great, was Brendon's basketball coach this year.)
B: (in the most snotty, you are the stupidest person to inhabit the earth, what are you even talking about voice) "WHO'S THAT?!"

I couldn't even look at him after that, let alone talk to him...good thing we just arrived at day care to pick up the good son. I never did answer his question, instead, for his hour of homework time tonight he has to research and write me one page on who Chris Street is. Yeah - he'll be Googling him.

So, hopefully I'll be back in time for Necole's party tomorrow after first driving to Omaha to show Brendon where he'll be staying now.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

When How You Feel on the Inside is Not What You Look Like on the Outside

Ever go around with a certain air about you, a certain amount of confidence, way you carry yourself that comes from how you feel on the inside only to be dropped kicked with the reality of how you actually look to the outside world?

I've thought about it quite a bit. Someone once said to me (and I think it was about me) that confidence and how one carries themselves (despite weight) was sexy. In fact, another person said something very similar to me about a year ago. They were telling me that they've had a crush on me for years and even as my body has changed over the years it didn't change the way they thought of me and that it was my "bubbly personality" (har har) that is what attracts them to me.

It got me thinking that a lot of the time I do walk through my life...whether it's getting a soda at work...or singing along with the band out with friends...like I am still a young, attractive, happy person who people notice. Something like this...

Va...Va...Va...Voom, right?

Well, maybe it's a little extreme but you get the idea.

But then I'll walk in front of a mirror or the guy I'm crushing on doesn't know I exist and I get kick boxed in the gut with the reality that no matter how I feel on the inside, I am no Jessica Rabbit, and I actually look more like this...


I know this is the part where I'm supposed to know that Fiona is still beautiful and the moral of the Shrek story is there is someone for everyone and that love is all that matters but it doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like a fairy tale ending when you are alone. I have great kids, a great job and THE BEST friends in the world but I want more. I want that person to laugh with, to be a couple with, to come home to, to wake up with, to share my life with.

I hate the image I see in the mirror. I don't know that it's always confidence I carry with me. Sometimes it's cloak and dagger. Pulling off the ultimate smoke screen - hiding what's really the equivilent of a scared, nervous teenager half the time. I know that it's up to me to change the image but it's easier said than done. It's hard to get it back. The body, the feeling, the confidence. Maybe someday I'll find a happy medium...

Monday, February 02, 2009

It's Brownhog Day...

Jace is showing me and Dallas all the things he made a pre-school and day care today that are themed around Groundhog's Day but he can't say it right so he keeps calling it a brownhog. And actually he is right..the groundhog is brown...so he is just combining his adjectives and nouns together. Saves time really.