Ever heard the saying "you never want the ones that are good for you" or that "good girls have a thing for bad boys". I've found it to be true, I know friends who have found it to be true and watching Lulu falling for Johnny on General Hospital (following in her mother, Laura's footsteps), it made me wonder why do we always think we can save bad boys?
It actually can work. I have a friend who spent many painstaking years waiting for her boyfriend turned husband to give up drinking and staying out with friends. They've been married 10 years and have one of the most REAL deal marriages I have ever seen. I truly admire the mutual respect and love they have for each other. They are truly partners in the love and laughter that fills their marriage AND their home. Their family is their #1 priority, he a stay at home dad while she works and they both go to school. I seriously do not know two parents more involved with their kids. The amount of togetherness this family packs into a weekend let alone an entire Christmas or summer vacation blows me away. They find activities inside and outside the home that truly gives substance and culture and enrichment to their kids and seeing the pure joy on their little faces in turn gives their marriage substance and enrichment.
That's not to say it was easy. Having had both a close and sometimes distance ring side seat over the 15 years of their relationship, I know it wasn't, but the pay off...oh the pay off must feel...well, peaceful...comforting. Comforting to know that love can concur. Love of a good woman can change a man. Being willing to love at all costs, being willing to let love in, CAN in the end give you every happiness you ever dreamed possible.
But I've also seen where it doesn't work. I have another friend who spend too many years in a couple dead-end relationships. Over time in both those relationships love turned to isolation. I'm sure she felt the same way many do...that if I just love him enough...it will be enough. But it wasn't and sometimes it's just not. Sometimes for no one's fault and as painful as it can be...sometimes love is not enough. Those guys never took her love for what it was. They never allowed themselves to truly feel what she had to offer them. People like that will always end up paying a lifetime for never letting love in but my friend paid too.
The good news is, it didn't destroy her. She is a very smart, strong, independent woman who as alone as she may feel from time to time, as scared as she may feel from time to time is on her own path, on her own terms and I know she will be ok.
So, again, why? Why do we try to save the boys...these men, who for all intense purposes are either so wrong for us or are seemingly a lost cause.
I know a guy who I think is very funny, we laugh together. There is a mutual respect there and sometimes I think maybe a mutual attraction. An attraction stemming first from the friendship we share. Right now, even if it were true, neither of us would act on it. Amongst the people we both know, and probably unbeknowst to him, he has become somewhat of a joke, a laughing stock because of how he acts sometimes. Since I obviously think I have a junior psychology degree, my personal opinion is that he acts that way out of hurt and bitterness of a failed relationship. Someone who loved tremendously and lost. Knowing all to well how that feels, I'm starting to have thoughts that if in another time, if things were different and I were to offer my understanding and lend an ear for him to finally let his guard down and let go of the hurt...could that lead to something more? Could that mutual respect and genuine fun we have with each other build to something good?
Then it all comes crashing down and I tell myself to snap out of it. He probably sees me as nothing more than a friend and no amount of "I'm here for you...let me help you" will change that. I know that this is probably closer to reality than any fantasy I'm building in my head so how do I stop myself from crashing and burning here? How do I get off this train wreck before I make a fool of myself and break my own heart in the process?
Do good girls ever get over their attraction to bad boys?
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Could you pick your kid out of line up?
I don't know about you but my kids sound extremely alike on the phone. I cannot tell them apart. In my defense, they are both boys and roughly the same age (1 year apart). Many a times I have been talking to one and ask to speak to them and they will be like "ahh, this is ______". Oops - sorry - that's embarrassing.
This morning I called home to make sure they were up, showering and to remind Brendon to take back this one sheet for the DC trip that was supposed to be turned in last Friday. I was pretty sure I was talking to Brendon but not wanting to embarass myself by inadvertently telling Dallas to take the DC sheet back when he isn't going to DC himself for another year, I was desperately listening for some clue that I had the right child.
I tried to get him to talk in full sentence answers rather than just one word responses so I had more to go on. That didn't work.
I tried to get him to say if Dallas was showering so then I would know for sure this was Brendon so I asked, "which one of you is showering now?". DUH! I'm pretty sure the stupidity of that wasn't lost on even a 1/2 asleep teenager. How could he be talking to me if he was the one in the shower? Very true but still didn't give me an indication of which one I was talking too.
I was starting to panic...how am I going to tell Brendon or get the message to Brendon about that sheet that HAD to go back today without it being painfully obviously I don't know my kids very well?
Out of desperation, I asked, "did you find something to wear?", hoping that he would actually say what he was going to wear and that would be my indicator. Brendon, being so picky about jeans, hardly has any to wear so 9 times out of 10 wears those nylon running pants. He has them in several colors so if I got, "yeah, my red (or blue or black) pants and...", then I would know I was talking to Brendon. But all I got was, "yeah". Com'on - help a girl out here!
Finally, since I obviously was not clever enough to play Vulcan mind games with my son, I gave up and simply said, "oh yeah, there is a sheet on the table to needs to go back for the DC trip" . I figured that was safe and if I truly was talking to Brendon he would know he needed to get that and if I was talking to Dallas he would understand by the words "DC trip" that it's important and he will tell his brother.
Either way, I'm sure when I get home tonight I'll see the sheet still sitting on the table.
This morning I called home to make sure they were up, showering and to remind Brendon to take back this one sheet for the DC trip that was supposed to be turned in last Friday. I was pretty sure I was talking to Brendon but not wanting to embarass myself by inadvertently telling Dallas to take the DC sheet back when he isn't going to DC himself for another year, I was desperately listening for some clue that I had the right child.
I tried to get him to talk in full sentence answers rather than just one word responses so I had more to go on. That didn't work.
I tried to get him to say if Dallas was showering so then I would know for sure this was Brendon so I asked, "which one of you is showering now?". DUH! I'm pretty sure the stupidity of that wasn't lost on even a 1/2 asleep teenager. How could he be talking to me if he was the one in the shower? Very true but still didn't give me an indication of which one I was talking too.
I was starting to panic...how am I going to tell Brendon or get the message to Brendon about that sheet that HAD to go back today without it being painfully obviously I don't know my kids very well?
Out of desperation, I asked, "did you find something to wear?", hoping that he would actually say what he was going to wear and that would be my indicator. Brendon, being so picky about jeans, hardly has any to wear so 9 times out of 10 wears those nylon running pants. He has them in several colors so if I got, "yeah, my red (or blue or black) pants and...", then I would know I was talking to Brendon. But all I got was, "yeah". Com'on - help a girl out here!
Finally, since I obviously was not clever enough to play Vulcan mind games with my son, I gave up and simply said, "oh yeah, there is a sheet on the table to needs to go back for the DC trip" . I figured that was safe and if I truly was talking to Brendon he would know he needed to get that and if I was talking to Dallas he would understand by the words "DC trip" that it's important and he will tell his brother.
Either way, I'm sure when I get home tonight I'll see the sheet still sitting on the table.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Workplace Bathroom Etiquette
I'm no Miss Manners but I'm pretty sure it's not polite for one co-worker to laugh when in the bathroom with another co-worker and the other co-worker let's out (3) loud, thundering farts. Without naming names (because I don't know who the other person was), all I'm going to say is that I was the one holding back the 12 year old kid urges to start laughing. I have, however, been giggling ever since. I SO have not grown up yet! HAHAHA.
If you thought that was funny. Check this out...
How To Poop at Work
If you thought that was funny. Check this out...
How To Poop at Work
Saturday, January 19, 2008
That's the ACTUAL temperature man!
I was telling my son last night how frickin' cold it's going to be today and found myself using that new term "actual temperature". So it went something like this..."it's going to be a high tommorrow of 4 below...well, actual temperature anyway...with the wind chill it will feel like 30 below".
I think the gravity of it was mostly lost on my 14 year old who finally this year started to wear a winter coat again rather than just a hooded sweatshirt on even the coldest days but it struck me as funny. When did we start using the term "actual temperature"? At some point could we just not fathom the scale of it? Something like this...
Dude #1: The high tomorrow is going to be 4 below!
Dude #2: WHAT?!!
Dude #1 (again): Yeah, that's the ACTUAL temperature!
Or, was it because simply saying that it was going to below zero just didn't convey how gosh damn colder than a witch's tit, colder than a well digger's ass in January (or any other old saying my parent's used to use) it really was going to be outside, so we had to come up with something that made it sound even worse. Something like this...
Dude #1: The high tomorrow is going to be 4 below!
Dude #2: WHAT?!!
Dude #1 (again): Yeah, and that's just the actual temperature, with the wind chill it's going to feel more like 30 below!
Either way you slice it, we live in the midwest, so the below zero tempertures, wind chills, and all the ways we can come up with to describe that we are going to freeze our bejeezes off are a part of life! Think I'll get started on post cards to everyone I know in warmer climates saying "WISH YOU WERE HERE". I'm sure they will booking flights for a visit as soon as they can.
I think the gravity of it was mostly lost on my 14 year old who finally this year started to wear a winter coat again rather than just a hooded sweatshirt on even the coldest days but it struck me as funny. When did we start using the term "actual temperature"? At some point could we just not fathom the scale of it? Something like this...
Dude #1: The high tomorrow is going to be 4 below!
Dude #2: WHAT?!!
Dude #1 (again): Yeah, that's the ACTUAL temperature!
Or, was it because simply saying that it was going to below zero just didn't convey how gosh damn colder than a witch's tit, colder than a well digger's ass in January (or any other old saying my parent's used to use) it really was going to be outside, so we had to come up with something that made it sound even worse. Something like this...
Dude #1: The high tomorrow is going to be 4 below!
Dude #2: WHAT?!!
Dude #1 (again): Yeah, and that's just the actual temperature, with the wind chill it's going to feel more like 30 below!
Either way you slice it, we live in the midwest, so the below zero tempertures, wind chills, and all the ways we can come up with to describe that we are going to freeze our bejeezes off are a part of life! Think I'll get started on post cards to everyone I know in warmer climates saying "WISH YOU WERE HERE". I'm sure they will booking flights for a visit as soon as they can.
Monday, January 14, 2008
New BFF
Apparently I don't have to be sad about Misti moving anymore. I have a new BFF.
Last night Jace and I were coloring (something you never outgrow by the way) and he very simply stated, "I'm your best friend".
Can't argue with that and who would want to! He is the sweetest little boy. He also told me a did a really good job coloring!
Last night Jace and I were coloring (something you never outgrow by the way) and he very simply stated, "I'm your best friend".
Can't argue with that and who would want to! He is the sweetest little boy. He also told me a did a really good job coloring!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Shaking Things Up
I shook up my blog today. I liked my old blog colors but was frustrated with the font color that when I would bold something the dramatic effectiveness, empathicness, yes - sometimes insaneness (I'm allowed to make up words as I go) to truly show through. I would end up not only bolding but also italicing and even underlining and still it wouldn't come across with the full gusto it was intended. For a drama queen/control freak I couldn't let it go. What is the point of putting all your insanity in writing if the full craziness can't be conveyed?!
Having said that, since blue is my favorite color, I wanted to stick with that but I like the pink and burgandy I added too. All and all, I am happy with it at this moment and that's all anyone can ask for really.
So, shaking up my blog is about all the shaking I've done today. Unless you count spinning myself around in my desk chair like a kid at the beauty shop with their mother (flashback) until I got REALLY dizzy waiting for my internet to load. I know I felt shaky after that.
Pretty much the only other things I've done is practically push my kids out the door to go to their dad's for the rest of the weekend then proceeded to lay on the couch the rest of the day catching up on dvr. When I got bored with that I would see what was actually on cable. I would start to watch something and ADD would kick in, couldn't stand waiting through the commericals so I started dvr-ing everything I stumbled across so I could watch it later and fast forward. Oh yeah trying to take laziness to a new level.
Not wanting to leave the house I ordered a pizza for myself - a LARGE pizza just for me. But see now I have breakfast and lunch tomorrow covered too. Got into a shouting match with the pizza order taker guy. I'm pretty sure he probably spit on my pizza after that or had someone else do it. JERKS!
BUT I did manage to jump in the shower before the pizza got here and slip into a clean version of the exact same thing I already had on...black sweats and a blue long sleeve t-shirt. Now why did I decide at 4:30 pm to finally take a shower? I have no idea. Did I need to be all fresh and lovely for the pizza delivery person? I say person because it ended up being a short, middle aged waif of a woman who I scared the crap out of when I opened the door just as she stepped up to it.
So I pigged out on ham & mushroom pizza while reading the new Soap Opera Digest and then laid down to watch "Picture Perfect" with Jennifer Aniston. Good movie. I caught a few zzz's through the part where they stage the fight and later she confesses the whole scam...the "dressing for the job I wanted" speech.
Read my friend's blog...shout out to The Bean Blog...and here I am...and here I go.
Having said that, since blue is my favorite color, I wanted to stick with that but I like the pink and burgandy I added too. All and all, I am happy with it at this moment and that's all anyone can ask for really.
So, shaking up my blog is about all the shaking I've done today. Unless you count spinning myself around in my desk chair like a kid at the beauty shop with their mother (flashback) until I got REALLY dizzy waiting for my internet to load. I know I felt shaky after that.
Pretty much the only other things I've done is practically push my kids out the door to go to their dad's for the rest of the weekend then proceeded to lay on the couch the rest of the day catching up on dvr. When I got bored with that I would see what was actually on cable. I would start to watch something and ADD would kick in, couldn't stand waiting through the commericals so I started dvr-ing everything I stumbled across so I could watch it later and fast forward. Oh yeah trying to take laziness to a new level.
Not wanting to leave the house I ordered a pizza for myself - a LARGE pizza just for me. But see now I have breakfast and lunch tomorrow covered too. Got into a shouting match with the pizza order taker guy. I'm pretty sure he probably spit on my pizza after that or had someone else do it. JERKS!
BUT I did manage to jump in the shower before the pizza got here and slip into a clean version of the exact same thing I already had on...black sweats and a blue long sleeve t-shirt. Now why did I decide at 4:30 pm to finally take a shower? I have no idea. Did I need to be all fresh and lovely for the pizza delivery person? I say person because it ended up being a short, middle aged waif of a woman who I scared the crap out of when I opened the door just as she stepped up to it.
So I pigged out on ham & mushroom pizza while reading the new Soap Opera Digest and then laid down to watch "Picture Perfect" with Jennifer Aniston. Good movie. I caught a few zzz's through the part where they stage the fight and later she confesses the whole scam...the "dressing for the job I wanted" speech.
Read my friend's blog...shout out to The Bean Blog...and here I am...and here I go.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Moms Are Superheroes
Have you seen the commerical for Nature Made vitamins where the little girl is sitting on the steps and says...
... "mom's are superheros...'cept no one even knows it...they are secret superheroes...(dramatic pause)...that's powerful"...
I thought how wonderful it would be to know that my kids think of me as their hero. Will they ever?
Will Brendon think I'm a superhero when I have to choose paying rent (that is already late) over his Washington, DC trip? I got a paper home last night that the final payment has to be postmarked by January 19th. I love that term "final payment", love how it implies I've actually been the dutiful mother the last 5 months and had actually been paying the $200 a month payments the trip cooridinators set up. I think I may have paid $200 overall toward the whole $1000 trip up to now. I have no idea where I'm going to come up with the rest considering I finally broke down and put the Durango in the shop today after the "Check Engine" light has been on for almost 2 months.
I'm pretty sure I already fell from superhero status when Dallas didn't get the big boy/girl birthday party he asked for.
This certainly isn't how I wanted to live my life. I wish I didn't have to choose between rent or a class trip, between Christmas for all three or a big birthday for one, between second hand or the mall. It doesn't feel very superhero-y. It feels pretty bad.
Now some would say if it really is a choice between rent and a class trip then it's a no-brainer and the kid will just have to understand that a place to live is more important that a place to visit. And I know that too in my head but I remember how crushing it was to be the kid who never got to go on any of those trips. Who even 20 years later when the friends who got to go reminisce stills feels bad they didn't get to go. Who remembers how embarrassing it was to still be wearing Lee straight leg jeans when everyone else was wearing Lee pinstrip jeans (80's reference). To always be one trend behind the times. I wanted to be the mom who could give more to my kids and I'm soooooooo not.
It does make me wonder if my mom felt this way. Did it break her heart to have to say no the way it does mine? Of course back then I thought they were heartless for saying no. But I did get to go on one trip and it was actually a big one. I did get to go to Mexico for a week for Spanish class the summer between my junior and senior year. As I've been trying to figure how I'm going to pay for Brendon's trip, I found myself wondering if all my friends who went to DC when we were in jr high knew what it cost their parent's for them to go. Probably not. Or did the same kids who got to go to Chicago in high school know what it cost? Probably not. Do I have any idea what it cost my parents for me to go to Mexico? NO! I'm sure that was more costly than DC or Chicago especially in a summer that when it was over my dad had lost his battle with cancer.
I've long known that my parents and even my brother sheltered me from a lot of my dad's illness so that I could experience high school. But did they ever know they were superheroes? Probably not.
So, you see, history repeats itself in many ways. Not only do I have no more money than my parents did to provide the extra things for my kids but also my kids have no more idea than I did back then what my parents went through to provide what we did have.
So what truly makes parents superheroes? Is it the extras they can provide or sheltering their kids from the struggles of providing what they can?
Who are the superheroes in your life? Do they know?
... "mom's are superheros...'cept no one even knows it...they are secret superheroes...(dramatic pause)...that's powerful"...
I thought how wonderful it would be to know that my kids think of me as their hero. Will they ever?
Will Brendon think I'm a superhero when I have to choose paying rent (that is already late) over his Washington, DC trip? I got a paper home last night that the final payment has to be postmarked by January 19th. I love that term "final payment", love how it implies I've actually been the dutiful mother the last 5 months and had actually been paying the $200 a month payments the trip cooridinators set up. I think I may have paid $200 overall toward the whole $1000 trip up to now. I have no idea where I'm going to come up with the rest considering I finally broke down and put the Durango in the shop today after the "Check Engine" light has been on for almost 2 months.
I'm pretty sure I already fell from superhero status when Dallas didn't get the big boy/girl birthday party he asked for.
This certainly isn't how I wanted to live my life. I wish I didn't have to choose between rent or a class trip, between Christmas for all three or a big birthday for one, between second hand or the mall. It doesn't feel very superhero-y. It feels pretty bad.
Now some would say if it really is a choice between rent and a class trip then it's a no-brainer and the kid will just have to understand that a place to live is more important that a place to visit. And I know that too in my head but I remember how crushing it was to be the kid who never got to go on any of those trips. Who even 20 years later when the friends who got to go reminisce stills feels bad they didn't get to go. Who remembers how embarrassing it was to still be wearing Lee straight leg jeans when everyone else was wearing Lee pinstrip jeans (80's reference). To always be one trend behind the times. I wanted to be the mom who could give more to my kids and I'm soooooooo not.
It does make me wonder if my mom felt this way. Did it break her heart to have to say no the way it does mine? Of course back then I thought they were heartless for saying no. But I did get to go on one trip and it was actually a big one. I did get to go to Mexico for a week for Spanish class the summer between my junior and senior year. As I've been trying to figure how I'm going to pay for Brendon's trip, I found myself wondering if all my friends who went to DC when we were in jr high knew what it cost their parent's for them to go. Probably not. Or did the same kids who got to go to Chicago in high school know what it cost? Probably not. Do I have any idea what it cost my parents for me to go to Mexico? NO! I'm sure that was more costly than DC or Chicago especially in a summer that when it was over my dad had lost his battle with cancer.
I've long known that my parents and even my brother sheltered me from a lot of my dad's illness so that I could experience high school. But did they ever know they were superheroes? Probably not.
So, you see, history repeats itself in many ways. Not only do I have no more money than my parents did to provide the extra things for my kids but also my kids have no more idea than I did back then what my parents went through to provide what we did have.
So what truly makes parents superheroes? Is it the extras they can provide or sheltering their kids from the struggles of providing what they can?
Who are the superheroes in your life? Do they know?
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Farewell to Misti & Marty!
Yes, I know they aren't gone forEVER but gone just the same. Today my friends, Misti & Marty (and their daughter, Amber) left to start their new life in Texas. I know that even though they were still packing at 6:00 pm last night, they wanted to leave town around 8:00 or 9:00 am this morning. It's about a 16 hr drive so if they are driving straight through...they aren't even there yet.Man I am going to miss her!
We have known each other for 20 YEARS! I know that probably really shows our age but not really since we met while still in the womb when our mom's were in lamaze class! HAHA. We actually met in high school when we were both working at Jack's. Lost track for awhile after high school but looked each other up, became roommates for awhile and have been the greatest of friends ever since. She definitely could always make me laugh and I'll miss that.
I can't believe she won't just be an e-mail or phone call away from hooking up for lunch on any given day. No more montly AA Meetings at Hacienda. For some reason the last two days I can't get that song "Seasons in the Sun" (<-- click here) out of my head when thinking about her leaving. HAHA. You know... "we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun...". I think it's because of that line... "goodbye to you my trusted friend..." .
I truly am happy for them, they are so excited about this move and are looking forward to the fresh start. See here how they can hardly contain themselves...
HAHAHAHAHAHA...she is going to KILL me for that one. Have I mentioned how much I will miss her??!!
*
Well, let's see there is Logan's graduation this spring and her high school reunion this summer and next thing we know the holidays will be around again so until then "my trusted friend", I wish you all the happiness in the world and as my dad once wrote for me... MAY YOUR FUTURE ALWAYS BE A BRIGHT AS YOU ARE!!
U R
2 Good
2 Be
4 Gotten
U R
2 Good
2 Be
4 Gotten
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