Ever heard the saying "you never want the ones that are good for you" or that "good girls have a thing for bad boys". I've found it to be true, I know friends who have found it to be true and watching Lulu falling for Johnny on General Hospital (following in her mother, Laura's footsteps), it made me wonder why do we always think we can save bad boys?
It actually can work. I have a friend who spent many painstaking years waiting for her boyfriend turned husband to give up drinking and staying out with friends. They've been married 10 years and have one of the most REAL deal marriages I have ever seen. I truly admire the mutual respect and love they have for each other. They are truly partners in the love and laughter that fills their marriage AND their home. Their family is their #1 priority, he a stay at home dad while she works and they both go to school. I seriously do not know two parents more involved with their kids. The amount of togetherness this family packs into a weekend let alone an entire Christmas or summer vacation blows me away. They find activities inside and outside the home that truly gives substance and culture and enrichment to their kids and seeing the pure joy on their little faces in turn gives their marriage substance and enrichment.
That's not to say it was easy. Having had both a close and sometimes distance ring side seat over the 15 years of their relationship, I know it wasn't, but the pay off...oh the pay off must feel...well, peaceful...comforting. Comforting to know that love can concur. Love of a good woman can change a man. Being willing to love at all costs, being willing to let love in, CAN in the end give you every happiness you ever dreamed possible.
But I've also seen where it doesn't work. I have another friend who spend too many years in a couple dead-end relationships. Over time in both those relationships love turned to isolation. I'm sure she felt the same way many do...that if I just love him enough...it will be enough. But it wasn't and sometimes it's just not. Sometimes for no one's fault and as painful as it can be...sometimes love is not enough. Those guys never took her love for what it was. They never allowed themselves to truly feel what she had to offer them. People like that will always end up paying a lifetime for never letting love in but my friend paid too.
The good news is, it didn't destroy her. She is a very smart, strong, independent woman who as alone as she may feel from time to time, as scared as she may feel from time to time is on her own path, on her own terms and I know she will be ok.
So, again, why? Why do we try to save the boys...these men, who for all intense purposes are either so wrong for us or are seemingly a lost cause.
I know a guy who I think is very funny, we laugh together. There is a mutual respect there and sometimes I think maybe a mutual attraction. An attraction stemming first from the friendship we share. Right now, even if it were true, neither of us would act on it. Amongst the people we both know, and probably unbeknowst to him, he has become somewhat of a joke, a laughing stock because of how he acts sometimes. Since I obviously think I have a junior psychology degree, my personal opinion is that he acts that way out of hurt and bitterness of a failed relationship. Someone who loved tremendously and lost. Knowing all to well how that feels, I'm starting to have thoughts that if in another time, if things were different and I were to offer my understanding and lend an ear for him to finally let his guard down and let go of the hurt...could that lead to something more? Could that mutual respect and genuine fun we have with each other build to something good?
Then it all comes crashing down and I tell myself to snap out of it. He probably sees me as nothing more than a friend and no amount of "I'm here for you...let me help you" will change that. I know that this is probably closer to reality than any fantasy I'm building in my head so how do I stop myself from crashing and burning here? How do I get off this train wreck before I make a fool of myself and break my own heart in the process?
Do good girls ever get over their attraction to bad boys?
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