Sunday, November 30, 2008
Last Day of NaBloPoMo '08
Here it is...the last day of November...and the last day of NaBloPoMo. I was a newbie this year - a first timer - but it was fun. Most days I actually had things to blog about. Not every post was award winning and a couple days I just rolled the dice and crap shot a few words on the page just to fullfil the requirement of posting everyday but still I did it...and I think I'll be up for it again next year too. My co-workers need a year to recover from me sending them my posts over e-mail all the time. Hey...I gotta drum up readers somehow...at least I haven't resorted to subcribing to my blog for them yet. If you build it, they will come, right?!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Visiting the Folks
So, did you visit your folks over Thanksgiving? I did. This was our first trip back to Missouri and the cemetery were my folks are buried since my mother passed. It's so surreal having lost both my parents and I'm not even 40 yet. I was really leery about this visit and it definitely wasn't easy. At one point, as I was crying, my brother leans over to me and says, "she's not here, you know that right?"
Yes, I know the essence of her is not there in that grave...but that grave...
...that headstone...are a symbol of the life that was her and it's hard to look down at it, to read the etchings and not struggle with missing her.
It's like I could physically feel that I could reach out and pull her back. I can't see her but something feels like if I just reached out, I could touch her but at the same time if I try to reach there is emptiness. I can't reach hard enough or far enough.
I know that in time, it will get easier, the pain will ease just as it did with my dad. That's not to say I don't still miss him too but it's been 21 years. He has been gone longer than I had him with me. I can't even imagine reaching a point when my mother will have been gone just as long.
We brought them flowers. "Them"...they are together now. For the rest of my life "visiting the folks" will mean this...driving 200+ miles to bring them flowers, to tell them how much I miss them and then climb back into a vehicle and drive away, shedding tears, not knowing when I'll be back. Seems almost normal doesn't it? That could describe any one person's visits with their parents. 'Cept it's not and it never will be again.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Open Up...It's the POlice...
That's what I thought I was going to hear when I all of a sudden there was banging on my door at 6:00 am this morning. I must have been semi-awake because I heard voices outside and I thought maybe it was the police at the house 3 houses up who often have loud music all hours of the day and night...in their house and their cars...the occupants and their vistors - it's very annoying. Then all of a sudden there was a banging on my door. Still thinking it was the police, I was trying to figure out why there were at my house. I hadn't called the police, both boys were home and in bed (no eggs being thrown off overpasses that night), I hadn't left the house in almost 24 hours, was someone accusing me of something?, was someone in an accident?, were they looking for someone?
I got up, went to the door, turned on the outside light but I did not open the door because we do not have a screen door and if I open the main door there is nothing between me and whoever is on the other side. I heard someone say, "they're there" and when they came back and knocked again, I asked who it was and they said the water dept. I thought, "oh crap am I being disconnected?". I opened the door and they said there was a water main break right out in front of my house and they would need me to move my vehicle that was parked in the street. I said, "that is not my car, it's my neighbor's girlfriend's". They suggested I move my car out of my driveway anyway because if I needed to go somewhere, they'd be blocking it while they were digging. So, I got dressed and pulled my car into the street, up one house. I crawled back in bed and put my eye mask on since they had huge spotlights shining on my yard. I actually think I was close to going back to sleep when they came again, this time ringing the bell, to tell me that they'd be shutting the water off soon. REALLY?! I could have done without that bullentin. Figured it was a no brainer anyway. I'm like, "no really that's ok, I'm not about to be going ahead and taking a shower or doing any dishes at 6:44 am on MY DAY OFF!"
Once they started digging - there was no way I was going to sleep so I came out on the couch to watch tv. I tried to take some pictures of the huge back-hoe and dumptruck that was in my front yard but since I was laying all stealthlike on my living room floor, peering out the blinds, trying to snap a photo without me or my flash being detected...none of them really turned out.
So, now my front yard is all dug up about 3 feet back from the curb the entire length of my yard. And my mailbox spent most of day laying on top of the pile. When I looked outside when they were done, it appeared they had put the mailbox back in it's rightful place but by noon it had flopped. The boys and I tried several times to prop it up so that they would deliver the mail but it kept falling. I finally stuck it into the fresh dirt they put back and it's holding for now. I believe that is their responsibility to put it back so I guess I'll have to call Monday. But I think I probably should pay my bill first. Righteous indignation kinda looses a bit when you owe that person money.
I'm thinking the inconvenience of my mailbox being a little weak in the knees is better than if that bang on the door really had been to po-po cuz those visits are never a good thing.
I got up, went to the door, turned on the outside light but I did not open the door because we do not have a screen door and if I open the main door there is nothing between me and whoever is on the other side. I heard someone say, "they're there" and when they came back and knocked again, I asked who it was and they said the water dept. I thought, "oh crap am I being disconnected?". I opened the door and they said there was a water main break right out in front of my house and they would need me to move my vehicle that was parked in the street. I said, "that is not my car, it's my neighbor's girlfriend's". They suggested I move my car out of my driveway anyway because if I needed to go somewhere, they'd be blocking it while they were digging. So, I got dressed and pulled my car into the street, up one house. I crawled back in bed and put my eye mask on since they had huge spotlights shining on my yard. I actually think I was close to going back to sleep when they came again, this time ringing the bell, to tell me that they'd be shutting the water off soon. REALLY?! I could have done without that bullentin. Figured it was a no brainer anyway. I'm like, "no really that's ok, I'm not about to be going ahead and taking a shower or doing any dishes at 6:44 am on MY DAY OFF!"
Once they started digging - there was no way I was going to sleep so I came out on the couch to watch tv. I tried to take some pictures of the huge back-hoe and dumptruck that was in my front yard but since I was laying all stealthlike on my living room floor, peering out the blinds, trying to snap a photo without me or my flash being detected...none of them really turned out.
So, now my front yard is all dug up about 3 feet back from the curb the entire length of my yard. And my mailbox spent most of day laying on top of the pile. When I looked outside when they were done, it appeared they had put the mailbox back in it's rightful place but by noon it had flopped. The boys and I tried several times to prop it up so that they would deliver the mail but it kept falling. I finally stuck it into the fresh dirt they put back and it's holding for now. I believe that is their responsibility to put it back so I guess I'll have to call Monday. But I think I probably should pay my bill first. Righteous indignation kinda looses a bit when you owe that person money.
I'm thinking the inconvenience of my mailbox being a little weak in the knees is better than if that bang on the door really had been to po-po cuz those visits are never a good thing.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
My Thanksgiving Quesadilla
Having spent Thanksgiving home alone, I enjoyed a quesadilla for my dinner. Chicken not turkey. And instead of a multitude of leftovers, I know am nuking a Banquet brocolli & cheese rice dish. No, not the traditional Thanksgiving fare but it's ok.
I actually am used to spending Thanksgiving alone. We don't really celebrate it in my family because everyone always went to their in-laws on Thanksgiving Day. When Ken and I were together, we'd go to his aunt & uncle's in Elkader and that was always fun. Sometimes my family will do something the weekend after and this year we will be going to Missouri to my mom's twin sister's house to have Thanksgiving with her and her family. It will be bittersweet though.
This will be our first trip back since my mom's funeral & burial. I have been having a REAL hard time dealing with that. I told my brothers the other night that I don't know if I am ready for it. It was hard enough to leave her back in August - to come home without her - I don't know if I have it in me to do it again. I called my brothers today to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving and it was all I could do to get through the short conversations without crying. I don't know what it was for sure. Was it because there was no 3rd call to make to my mother? Was it because I knew my brother didn't have to pick up a dinner from Hy-Vee this year for her? I don't know...I just know they were just hard calls to make. We didn't spend the day with her but she was always there. There at her house, watching CMT, she was there and this year she isn't. And why didn't we spend more Thanksgivings with her? That's just one more thing to feel guilty about now that she's gone. We totally took advantage of her. Took advantage of the fact that she was alone and "aw, she won't mind if we put her off 'til the weekend". Yeah we'd finally sit down together on another day but it wasn't the same. It's not the same. We always thought there'd be plenty of time. "There's always next year". But what about when there isn't a next year? There is no more time to call her and wish her happiness. The best we can do is hope with all our hearts she has found it.
I actually am used to spending Thanksgiving alone. We don't really celebrate it in my family because everyone always went to their in-laws on Thanksgiving Day. When Ken and I were together, we'd go to his aunt & uncle's in Elkader and that was always fun. Sometimes my family will do something the weekend after and this year we will be going to Missouri to my mom's twin sister's house to have Thanksgiving with her and her family. It will be bittersweet though.
This will be our first trip back since my mom's funeral & burial. I have been having a REAL hard time dealing with that. I told my brothers the other night that I don't know if I am ready for it. It was hard enough to leave her back in August - to come home without her - I don't know if I have it in me to do it again. I called my brothers today to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving and it was all I could do to get through the short conversations without crying. I don't know what it was for sure. Was it because there was no 3rd call to make to my mother? Was it because I knew my brother didn't have to pick up a dinner from Hy-Vee this year for her? I don't know...I just know they were just hard calls to make. We didn't spend the day with her but she was always there. There at her house, watching CMT, she was there and this year she isn't. And why didn't we spend more Thanksgivings with her? That's just one more thing to feel guilty about now that she's gone. We totally took advantage of her. Took advantage of the fact that she was alone and "aw, she won't mind if we put her off 'til the weekend". Yeah we'd finally sit down together on another day but it wasn't the same. It's not the same. We always thought there'd be plenty of time. "There's always next year". But what about when there isn't a next year? There is no more time to call her and wish her happiness. The best we can do is hope with all our hearts she has found it.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Charlie Brown is alive and well ...(and other random thoughts for the evening)...
**Disclaimer: some of these thoughts may be alchohol induced...
The beloved cartoon character, Charlie Brown, is alive and well and patrons our own Bushwood where in CR. He must have ditched Lucy and Peppermint Patty and was actually on a date but he had the trademark yellow sweater with the black line across the front (ok it was a straight line, not a squiggly line but it still so counts). He even had the same head shape and a surprising very similar hair do. I seriously tried to get a picture but didn't have my camera and couldn't get close enough with my camera phone without drawing attention to myself. But they sat at the table directly in front of us and I was totally distracted by the uber Peanut one the rest of the night.
How can the same person wear a size 7 underwear but a size 16 pants? How can the measurement almost double when the only thing between the underwear and the pants is the actual width of the underwear itself- which is about paper thin? So if you wear a size 0 jeans, what size underwear do you wear? Are there negative sizes? Go commando at that point?
Allegedly according to the WE Network's "Sex Change Hospital"...for a male to become a woman, they invert the penis so that the shaft now acts as a vagina. What they do with the muscle and tissue that was inside the penis? I do not know. However, using that same logic, someone tried to say they do the opposite for a woman wishing to become male...that they take the wall of the vagina and stretch it outward. How could this be? How is there enough skin to stretch as far as a penis stretches when its erect? And what make it erect? Is there a penial implant?
If you plug your nose when you sneeze, could you pop your eyeballs out?
If I go to bed right now will I remember any of this in the morning?
Stay tuned to find out!
The beloved cartoon character, Charlie Brown, is alive and well and patrons our own Bushwood where in CR. He must have ditched Lucy and Peppermint Patty and was actually on a date but he had the trademark yellow sweater with the black line across the front (ok it was a straight line, not a squiggly line but it still so counts). He even had the same head shape and a surprising very similar hair do. I seriously tried to get a picture but didn't have my camera and couldn't get close enough with my camera phone without drawing attention to myself. But they sat at the table directly in front of us and I was totally distracted by the uber Peanut one the rest of the night.
How can the same person wear a size 7 underwear but a size 16 pants? How can the measurement almost double when the only thing between the underwear and the pants is the actual width of the underwear itself- which is about paper thin? So if you wear a size 0 jeans, what size underwear do you wear? Are there negative sizes? Go commando at that point?
Allegedly according to the WE Network's "Sex Change Hospital"...for a male to become a woman, they invert the penis so that the shaft now acts as a vagina. What they do with the muscle and tissue that was inside the penis? I do not know. However, using that same logic, someone tried to say they do the opposite for a woman wishing to become male...that they take the wall of the vagina and stretch it outward. How could this be? How is there enough skin to stretch as far as a penis stretches when its erect? And what make it erect? Is there a penial implant?
If you plug your nose when you sneeze, could you pop your eyeballs out?
If I go to bed right now will I remember any of this in the morning?
Stay tuned to find out!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
and you get a new car, and you a new car, and you get a new car...NOT
Why is it that some people seem to have everything handed to them in life and others, no matter how hard they try, never seem to get anything? Why is that some people can get to be 30 some years old and mommy & daddy are still bailing them out at every turn and others pushing 40 or 50 or even 60 have lost everything? How is it someone can get picked up for OWI, rack up a couple thousand dollars in fines, legal fees and car repairs (an accident was also involved), have their parents through a bunch of money at the problem and then for their reward, mommy & daddy also buy them A NEW STINKIN' CAR?! Where's the trip to Disney World? Waiting 'til he quits his job and files bankruptcy for that one? How is it someone can choose to divorce said person and lose not one, but two houses in the process and this person walks away with one of those houses and A NEW STINKIN' CAR?! How can this person think its fair that he never has to grow up and fend for himself when the other person struggles for every little thing? I need a new car...no one is handing me one. I need a house of our own (renting bites)...no one is handing me one. I earned one on my own, all by myself, without a man long before I met this person and sold it to buy one together. Of course I am a hypocrite because the afore mentioned parents gave us the money but that also leads to how I lost two houses. The one we sold (mine) and the one he kept when our marriage was over. I don't need a 40" hdtv but I'd like one. Don't see me charging one on a credit card mommy & daddy already paid off once and then telling them I won it at work. I just gon't understand why life is so easy for some - they always come out smelling like roses - and it's so hard for others. I haven't made the best financial decisions in my life but nothing was handed to me either. I earned everything I had and if I lost it then I had to deal with that. No one stepped in to bail me out. My mom helped when she could but not to the tune of $130,000 or $15,000 at the drop of a hat. I suppose it's a good gig if you can get it. When I found out I was thinking, "it must be nice to have parents save you all the time" and then for a moment I even thought, "it must be nice to have parents". Mine are gone. I couldn't fall back on them even if I wanted to. Even if they wanted to. I can't. I can't. I can't. I've got no where to go and I just don't know what I'm going to do.
Monday, November 24, 2008
this day can go RIGHT in the shit hole...
I've had a really shitty day. Started about 6:30 am when instead of walking out the door for work like I should have been doing, I decided to load up the (13) boxes of cookie dough, (3) pies, (1) cheesecake, (1) mini pizzas, (1) mini tacos and (1) pumpkin roll that was purchased by my co-workers from my son's fundraiser. That brillant move and that brillant hour started me on a path of downward destruction the likes of which my mind was surely lucky to have survived. I think the jury may still be out on that one though. Deciding if I am competent to have known the consequences of my actions no doubt. I don't think my boss (of 12 years) has ever heard me say "fuck me, fuck me, fuck me" (and with such conviction) 'til today when I totally fucked up a new application in our software. And that was one of the last things to go wrong throughout the day. I suppose all was well after I completely deleted the application and all if it's accumulated data, restored the application (minus the data), sent out a notification that I had fucked it up and asked everyone to re-enter their information but by then my stomach was so tied in knots it physically hurt. It still does - I feel like I could puke. And if the Exedrin Migraine doesn't kick in soon I'm switching to Black & Decker brand...ball-peen formula. But I'm sure "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" blaring 2 feet behind me on Guitar Hero is going to lull me to sleep long before the need for that. Wake me when mall hair, Menudo and leg warmers are back in style!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
'twas the night before...
Isn't there something in the "Twas the Night Before Christmas" story about just settling in for a long winter's rest when on the roof there arose such a clatter, I sprung from my bed to see what was the matter? Well, let's see...twas the night before a new work week and I had just nessled into my bed, had visions of all things pumpkin dancing in my head, the clatter was my brain realizing I had not blogged yet today, I sprang from bed thinking what could it matter. Oh but it does matter...for 8 more NaBloPoMo days it matters.
So, as long as I was envisioning pumpkin...as in pumpkin desserts...I might as well go with that flow. I've been assigned to bring a pumpkin dessert for our holiday dinner at work and before going to bed I had double checked the recipe for the Traditional Pumpkin Pie I would be making out of Jello pudding, milk, and a ready made grahmn cracker crust. That's about as traditional as I get. I've never baked a real pumpkin pie and my oven only heats up on top, no bottom, so I don't think I'd have much luck trying it this year. I'd love to make my mom's pumpkin cake but 1) I cannot hold a candle to her magery (I think that's a combination of magic & mastery) when it comes to pumpkin cake and 2) I've already established that my oven is a POS.
So, yes I am taking the easy way out. But I could take it one stepeasier further and simply bring this totally yummy looking Pumpkin Roll I bought from my son's DC fundraiser. It's pumpkin something or other rolled jellyroll style with a cream cheese mixture. Then I wouldn't have to put in any effort at all 'cept getting it out of the freezer that morning. But I think I'll hold off and take that for my contribution to our family dinner in Missouri next weekend. I'm sure the 4 hour trip will thaw it nicely to be able to serve at dinner. **Note to self: place pumpkin roll in a Tupperware container with my name on it so it looks like I actually made it.
I do love all things pumpkin. Can't wait 'til this time of year for the pumpkin shakes at Culver's. They also have a Pumpkin Pecan Cement Mixer (ala DQ's Blizzards) that I have to try. Speaking of Blizzards...DQ has the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard with a dollop of whip cream. Now, I figured they only had this heavenly concoction this time of year like Culver's, but I discovered earlier this year that the 6th St. DQ has them year round. Makes a girl's heart aflutter. I love pumpkin bread - especially with chocolate chips in it (best of two worlds). Pumpkin bars - especially with the cream cheese frosting. Hy-Vee was carrying pumpkin doughnut holes this year that I have never had. I have GOT to try the pumpkin pancakes at IHOP this year before it's too late. I think these would be to die for with their hazlenut syrup. "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" is my favorite story. I'm just kidding but I was on a roll. Rolls - are there pumpkin rolls?
My love for pumpkin stems all the way back to when I was a kid and also connects me to my love for my grandmother. Now, she actually baked pumpkin pies and I would take the left over filling, freeze it, and eat it later as...whatelse?...pumpkin ice cream. I was ahead of my time. Baskin Robbins could have hired me to create flavors. Speaking of ice cream places...Cold Stone Creamery has a super awesome pumpkin ice cream cake (it's not all ice cream...there is cake too and it's awesome).
So, there you have it...I blogged today...and not just about nothing...but about one of my favorite things. I'm not usually a coffee drinker but if I don't get to bed I'm going to have to hit Starbucks in the morning for their Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Sweet Dreams Everyone!
So, as long as I was envisioning pumpkin...as in pumpkin desserts...I might as well go with that flow. I've been assigned to bring a pumpkin dessert for our holiday dinner at work and before going to bed I had double checked the recipe for the Traditional Pumpkin Pie I would be making out of Jello pudding, milk, and a ready made grahmn cracker crust. That's about as traditional as I get. I've never baked a real pumpkin pie and my oven only heats up on top, no bottom, so I don't think I'd have much luck trying it this year. I'd love to make my mom's pumpkin cake but 1) I cannot hold a candle to her magery (I think that's a combination of magic & mastery) when it comes to pumpkin cake and 2) I've already established that my oven is a POS.
So, yes I am taking the easy way out. But I could take it one step
I do love all things pumpkin. Can't wait 'til this time of year for the pumpkin shakes at Culver's. They also have a Pumpkin Pecan Cement Mixer (ala DQ's Blizzards) that I have to try. Speaking of Blizzards...DQ has the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard with a dollop of whip cream. Now, I figured they only had this heavenly concoction this time of year like Culver's, but I discovered earlier this year that the 6th St. DQ has them year round. Makes a girl's heart aflutter. I love pumpkin bread - especially with chocolate chips in it (best of two worlds). Pumpkin bars - especially with the cream cheese frosting. Hy-Vee was carrying pumpkin doughnut holes this year that I have never had. I have GOT to try the pumpkin pancakes at IHOP this year before it's too late. I think these would be to die for with their hazlenut syrup. "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" is my favorite story. I'm just kidding but I was on a roll. Rolls - are there pumpkin rolls?
My love for pumpkin stems all the way back to when I was a kid and also connects me to my love for my grandmother. Now, she actually baked pumpkin pies and I would take the left over filling, freeze it, and eat it later as...whatelse?...pumpkin ice cream. I was ahead of my time. Baskin Robbins could have hired me to create flavors. Speaking of ice cream places...Cold Stone Creamery has a super awesome pumpkin ice cream cake (it's not all ice cream...there is cake too and it's awesome).
So, there you have it...I blogged today...and not just about nothing...but about one of my favorite things. I'm not usually a coffee drinker but if I don't get to bed I'm going to have to hit Starbucks in the morning for their Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Sweet Dreams Everyone!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Proud Mother Moment
There was a parent's meeting this morning for freshman basketball. You know...meet the coaches, go over a few guidelines, the basics. This year is already pretty cool because one of the freshman coaches (Brendon's coach) is former Iowa stand out Kenyon Murray. They stated at the meeting that each week they were going to award the player who showed they were the "toughest" in practice - hussled for the most loose balls, took charges, snagged the most rebounds, etc - that person would be given a jersey that says "TOUGHNESS WINS" to wear all the next week at practice and they get to be co-captian at the games that week. At the meeting, they called all the players up, introduced them, then awarded the jersey. When Kenyon introduced Brendon he called him Mighty Might and when he started to talk about who was getting the jersey for the 1st week, he says...
"if you look at this kid, you might think ah maybe he can't play the best. He is the smallest kid on the team but he's got the most heart. He got 3 offensive rebounds this week, he is climbing right over these big guys. You can't always tell a player by his size and this kid showed so that"
...and he award the jersey to Brendon. I may have paraphrased the last couple words...by then the tears were welling up in my eyes and I realized maybe I should pull myself together before my lips starting quivering into that ugly crying face. It was a very proud moment.
It's no secret Brendon is the smallest kid on most his teams. And I do worry about him because of it. All I want is for people to give him a chance to prove he's got game cuz he does. He was cut once from a friend's baseball team because the parent coaches cared more about winning then friendship. His next team, he was invited to play. After a couple years, they decided to have tryouts instead of automatic placement on the team. I was worried they would cut him because of his size. When they didn't I was thankful and told the coach so. He said basically the same thing Kenyon said this morning, "it's not so much about size but heart". Brendon is a scraper and he has natural talent. Does he have to work harder than the other kids to show it, yeah. But being recognized today shows that he isn't afraid of putting in the work. Of course he is going to swim in that jersey but who cares!
He also won this week's free throw shooting contest making 10 out of 10. He won a school free throw contest when he was in 8th grade and advanced to the city all around but then bombed out. O/well...even Michael Jordon had off days !
There are only 16 kids out for freshman basketball this year and they are broken into two 8-man teams so he will be seeing plenty of playing time compared to middle school when 60 some kids went out. I think this is going to be a good year for him. Proving you don't have to be 6 foot tall to be one of the best. He could be the next Muggsy Bogues or Spud Webb (I actually knew those names...no one had to tell me who they were...I get points for that.)
.
Anyway, I was a very proud momma this morning.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Senior Year Memories - CR Prairie Class of '88
We got this in one of those "getting to know you" e-mails but this one was different...it was about Senior Year. It as kinda fun to go back there. Feel free to copy to your blog and fill in your memories - tag some friends to do it too - put the name of your high school and year in the title.
CR Prairie High School - Class of '88
1. Did you date someone from your school? Not senior year. Wish I had though – there are a couple that come to mind that I think were possibilities
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No
3. Did you car pool to school? No – drove myself
4. What kind of car did you have? ’78 Ford Pinto
5. What kind of car do you have now? ’98 Dodge Durango
6 . It's Friday night...where are you now? Home or out with friends
7. It is Friday night...where are you then? Football game or cruisin’ 1st Ave
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? Hardee’s and Jack’s Discount store
9. What kind of job do you do now? Workforce Database Administrator - payroll
10. Were you a party animal? Not really
11. Were you considered a flirt? Maybe?
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? choir
13. Were you a nerd? No
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? Got in-school suspension twice…once for walking into a class and calling a girl out to fight and once for unpaid parking tickets
15. Can you sing the fight song? YES I CAN (see here)
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher? Since Spanish was my favorite subject I guess I’d have to say Roxy Schreiber
17. Where did you sit during lunch? at home, didn't have to be at school 'til 1:30 pm
18. What was your school's full name? It’s actually College Community but it’s commonly called Cedar Rapids Prairie High School
19. When did you graduate? 1988
20. What was your school mascot? Hawk
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? yes – less stressful then
22. Did you have fun at Prom? Sort of…my boyfriend was really jealous so he would freak at every guy I talked to
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? No – I think he lives in Nebraska now
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Probably – I’ve been to all the others
25. Do you still talk to people from school? Yes.
26. School Colors? orange and black
CR Prairie High School - Class of '88
1. Did you date someone from your school? Not senior year. Wish I had though – there are a couple that come to mind that I think were possibilities
2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No
3. Did you car pool to school? No – drove myself
4. What kind of car did you have? ’78 Ford Pinto
5. What kind of car do you have now? ’98 Dodge Durango
6 . It's Friday night...where are you now? Home or out with friends
7. It is Friday night...where are you then? Football game or cruisin’ 1st Ave
8. What kind of job did you have in high school? Hardee’s and Jack’s Discount store
9. What kind of job do you do now? Workforce Database Administrator - payroll
10. Were you a party animal? Not really
11. Were you considered a flirt? Maybe?
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? choir
13. Were you a nerd? No
14. Did you get suspended or expelled? Got in-school suspension twice…once for walking into a class and calling a girl out to fight and once for unpaid parking tickets
15. Can you sing the fight song? YES I CAN (see here)
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher? Since Spanish was my favorite subject I guess I’d have to say Roxy Schreiber
17. Where did you sit during lunch? at home, didn't have to be at school 'til 1:30 pm
18. What was your school's full name? It’s actually College Community but it’s commonly called Cedar Rapids Prairie High School
19. When did you graduate? 1988
20. What was your school mascot? Hawk
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? yes – less stressful then
22. Did you have fun at Prom? Sort of…my boyfriend was really jealous so he would freak at every guy I talked to
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? No – I think he lives in Nebraska now
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Probably – I’ve been to all the others
25. Do you still talk to people from school? Yes.
26. School Colors? orange and black
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Book Club is starting up again..
We have a book club at work that we took a break from over the summer - everyone was too busy - and tonight was the kick off to start it back up for fall & winter. Basically someone picks a book and then plans a get together at a bar/restaurant about a month later and we socialize and talk about the book - maybe. It's a pretty casual club. You don't HAVE to have read the book to come to the montly get together. It helps if you've read some but it's not required. It's not even required that we talk about the book. Depending on how the night goes...we may talk about it for 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes and then gossip. Our only rule is if you don't come to the get together then we are free to gossip about you. HA - just kidding - but that's what we tell people when they can't come.
So, in the past we have read:
Before Women Had Wings by Connie Fowler which a tale of the unconditional love children have for their parents even when raised in an abusive environment.
Lost and Found by Carolyn Parkhurst which follows fictional "Amazing Race" type reality show contestants around the world on their quest and examines the interminglings of the relationships of the 2-man teams and how they came to enter this contest at all. Who they were coming in and who they were leaving.
Then we read a couple Sandra Brown books who is totally awesome. Both books were who-dunnit thrillers with a good amount of romance thrown in. Those were Chill Factor and Riccochet.
Then we tried Naked by David Sedaris. This was supposed to be a "...hilariously funny memior..." but none of us got it. I personally only read about 4 chapters.
Next came The Tin Roof Blow Down by James Lee Burke. This was set around Katrina and how there also was a serial killer loose during the aftermath. This is where we stalled out on book club interest. I think only one person finished this one. Everyone's schedules got so busy over the summer plus our city was inundated with flood stories having had our own flood, compared to Katrina, the likes of which hadn't been seen here in 500 years and ironically has it's own book now called Epic Surge.
So, in the past we have read:
Before Women Had Wings by Connie Fowler which a tale of the unconditional love children have for their parents even when raised in an abusive environment.
Lost and Found by Carolyn Parkhurst which follows fictional "Amazing Race" type reality show contestants around the world on their quest and examines the interminglings of the relationships of the 2-man teams and how they came to enter this contest at all. Who they were coming in and who they were leaving.
Then we read a couple Sandra Brown books who is totally awesome. Both books were who-dunnit thrillers with a good amount of romance thrown in. Those were Chill Factor and Riccochet.
Then we tried Naked by David Sedaris. This was supposed to be a "...hilariously funny memior..." but none of us got it. I personally only read about 4 chapters.
Next came The Tin Roof Blow Down by James Lee Burke. This was set around Katrina and how there also was a serial killer loose during the aftermath. This is where we stalled out on book club interest. I think only one person finished this one. Everyone's schedules got so busy over the summer plus our city was inundated with flood stories having had our own flood, compared to Katrina, the likes of which hadn't been seen here in 500 years and ironically has it's own book now called Epic Surge.
So, now that we are picking back up a book set around the holiday season was chosen...
Christmas Gifts, Christmas Voices - A Holiday Novel of Hope and Healing by John Allen. It follows a man whose wife and children are killed in a car accident on Christmas Eve, he gives the gifts he had for them that year to others then it flashes forward several years and he finds out how those gifts changed the lives of those he gave them too. I am looking foward to this one although I suspect it will be especially sad for a few of us. Four of us in book club have lost a close family member (parents and a grandchild) in the last 3 months. One just a couple weeks ago. But I am looking foward to the "hope and healing aspect" of this book. It promises to help be more at peace with those losses.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
that's dedication...
I was having computer trouble earlier and couldn't get on. What's a poor NaBloPoMo-er to do when their daily post is threatened? I had to set my alarm for 11:30 pm to get up and try again before midnight. And even then I had trouble connecting. I was [ ] close to having to try to post from my cell phone and it's not even a Blackberry or anything...it doesn't even have a full keybaord. But I'm tired, my back hurts and I'm getting a cold so I am going back to bed. NaBloPoMo knows there are bound to be clunkers, right? But I did it, I blogged today!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Did he just say he likes pole dances?
So, I'm watching "Dancing with the Stars" while tooling around on the computer, Jace is coloring and he asks me, "mom, why you always watch these same dances?" and before I could even respond, I swear to Gawd he said, "I like pole dances!"
Now, what he actually said was, "I like cool dances", which I discoverd after I recovered from the shock of thinking my 4 year old had actually seen a pole dance somewhere. With a kid who is asking for Star Whores for Christmas you just never know.
Now, what he actually said was, "I like cool dances", which I discoverd after I recovered from the shock of thinking my 4 year old had actually seen a pole dance somewhere. With a kid who is asking for Star Whores for Christmas you just never know.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Revisiting Freaky Friday
Still two weeks to go in NaBloPoMo and I am already getting writer's block. So, today I am revisiting a post I didn't get to earlier in the month. The Freaky Friday I'm referring to is Halloween. We had our 2nd annual Spooky food day where everyone who wanted to had to bring in a Halloween (or fall) themed food item. Here are some pictures.
The Squirmy Wormy Sandwiches were the most creepy.
There also was Kitty Litter Cake...
...and Eyeball Casserole...
...and Mummy Dogs...
...I don't know what these were called but they
The Squirmy Wormy Sandwiches were the most creepy.
There also was Kitty Litter Cake...
...and Eyeball Casserole...
...and Mummy Dogs...
...I don't know what these were called but they
had plastic snakes coming out of them...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Now THAT'S a Party
Had a great time out last night. I am so glad I have such good friends that are always there for me and hope they know the same - that I will always be there for them too. We had a good time. Here are a few pictures.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
gotta go right now...
My friend will be here any second to take me to party for my b-day so I have no thought invoking post right now. Hopefully tonight is better than my actual b-day night was. I'll post pics tomorrow!
LET'S PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Down with Debbie Downers!
You all know the Debbie Downer character from SNL...the one with this theme song...
then, along comes Debbie Downer!
Always there to tell you about a new disease, a car accident or killer bees.
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, please."
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!"
I am so frickin' lipin' sick of Debbie Downers!!! My mother, God Rest her soul, was a Debbie Downer. My ex-husband is a Debbie Downer. I can't stand all the negativity. I mean the rare chance I actually have something good happen or something good to talk about and they'd still find something negative to point out. It's a total buzz kill!
90% of our workforce are Debbie Downers. We just launched a new software at our company that will enable employees and managers to see, and in some case change, information they normally would have to come to Payroll or Human Resources for. This new application is called "Self-Service". Makes sense, right? Employees can serve themselves. We, like many many other companies, are on the push to go paperless so another main "feature" of Self-Service is we will no longer print paystubs. Employees will view their earnings online now.
OMG - you would think we shot their grandmother, kidnapped their youngest child and ripped a kidney right out of their bodies! I can't believe how many people are attached to a frickin' piece of paper. I don't even look at my paystub. I look at my net pay when we process payroll and that's it. That's all I really need to know. Then I look at my bank account online on payday. I don't understand why they need a piece of paper to tell them what their net pay is. What they will see onscreen is no different that what the paper says. IT IS THE SAME EXACT INFORMATION! Look it up, write it down on a piece of paper, stick itwhere the sun don't shine in your pocket, take it home to wifey-poo so she can record it.
So, now we hear...
1) "You better put printers at all the machines" (we are a manu- facturing environment). Umm, no, that is not going to happen. A) because of the dirty conditions on the production floor; B) if we provide printers to everyone... everyone will print their own paystub and that defeats the purpose of going paperless; and C) there are four kiosks available and we are putting in two more.
2) "There better be some legislation passed to allow us time during our shift to print our paystub where there are printers". Umm, no, this is not going to happen. A) you have at least 3 breaks a day not including machine down time; B) why would we provide you time off your machine to print your paystub when we really don't want you printing your paystub - that defeats the purpose of going paperless; and C) this (our company) is not a democracy...there is no legislative process. Like it or lump it!
3) "I want to drop my direct deposit and get a live check". This is a meager attempt to essentially bully us into still printing something for them. Umm, ok, that certainly is your right to do but keep in mind A) why the F would you give up the convenience of your money going to your bank automatically instead having to come to our office every other week (which may fall on your day off), sign for your paycheck, and then drive to the bank?; B) after the 1st of the year, we may start charging employees a fee to process live checks which is fully within our legal rights to do.
And if they aren't complaining about not getting a paystub anymore, they are complaining about their personal information being accessible. It's accessible to THEM ONLY!!! It's a password protected system that is only available internally within the walls of our company. As long as they don't share their passwords in order to have Billy Joe Bobb punch in for them when they are running late or dickn around then they shouldn't worry. They expect us to protect them from Billy Joe Bobb looking over their shoulder when they are typing in their password and crackin' the secret code. Trust me...the only thing Billy Joe Bobb is crackin' is a six pack as soon as he hits the parking lot.
Of course no system is 100% secure. We face the same risks as any financial institution, any insurance company, any educational establishment, etc. But we are probably more secure then your last credit purchase at Backwood Bob's Bait 'N' Brew Bungalow. Give me a frickin' break!
Brought to you by the DOWN WITH DEBBIE DOWNERS CAMPAIGN. I'm Lori and I approve this message.
"You're enjoying your day, everything's going your way...
then, along comes Debbie Downer!
Always there to tell you about a new disease, a car accident or killer bees.
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, please."
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!"
I am so frickin' lipin' sick of Debbie Downers!!! My mother, God Rest her soul, was a Debbie Downer. My ex-husband is a Debbie Downer. I can't stand all the negativity. I mean the rare chance I actually have something good happen or something good to talk about and they'd still find something negative to point out. It's a total buzz kill!
90% of our workforce are Debbie Downers. We just launched a new software at our company that will enable employees and managers to see, and in some case change, information they normally would have to come to Payroll or Human Resources for. This new application is called "Self-Service". Makes sense, right? Employees can serve themselves. We, like many many other companies, are on the push to go paperless so another main "feature" of Self-Service is we will no longer print paystubs. Employees will view their earnings online now.
OMG - you would think we shot their grandmother, kidnapped their youngest child and ripped a kidney right out of their bodies! I can't believe how many people are attached to a frickin' piece of paper. I don't even look at my paystub. I look at my net pay when we process payroll and that's it. That's all I really need to know. Then I look at my bank account online on payday. I don't understand why they need a piece of paper to tell them what their net pay is. What they will see onscreen is no different that what the paper says. IT IS THE SAME EXACT INFORMATION! Look it up, write it down on a piece of paper, stick it
So, now we hear...
1) "You better put printers at all the machines" (we are a manu- facturing environment). Umm, no, that is not going to happen. A) because of the dirty conditions on the production floor; B) if we provide printers to everyone... everyone will print their own paystub and that defeats the purpose of going paperless; and C) there are four kiosks available and we are putting in two more.
2) "There better be some legislation passed to allow us time during our shift to print our paystub where there are printers". Umm, no, this is not going to happen. A) you have at least 3 breaks a day not including machine down time; B) why would we provide you time off your machine to print your paystub when we really don't want you printing your paystub - that defeats the purpose of going paperless; and C) this (our company) is not a democracy...there is no legislative process. Like it or lump it!
3) "I want to drop my direct deposit and get a live check". This is a meager attempt to essentially bully us into still printing something for them. Umm, ok, that certainly is your right to do but keep in mind A) why the F would you give up the convenience of your money going to your bank automatically instead having to come to our office every other week (which may fall on your day off), sign for your paycheck, and then drive to the bank?; B) after the 1st of the year, we may start charging employees a fee to process live checks which is fully within our legal rights to do.
And if they aren't complaining about not getting a paystub anymore, they are complaining about their personal information being accessible. It's accessible to THEM ONLY!!! It's a password protected system that is only available internally within the walls of our company. As long as they don't share their passwords in order to have Billy Joe Bobb punch in for them when they are running late or dickn around then they shouldn't worry. They expect us to protect them from Billy Joe Bobb looking over their shoulder when they are typing in their password and crackin' the secret code. Trust me...the only thing Billy Joe Bobb is crackin' is a six pack as soon as he hits the parking lot.
Of course no system is 100% secure. We face the same risks as any financial institution, any insurance company, any educational establishment, etc. But we are probably more secure then your last credit purchase at Backwood Bob's Bait 'N' Brew Bungalow. Give me a frickin' break!
Brought to you by the DOWN WITH DEBBIE DOWNERS CAMPAIGN. I'm Lori and I approve this message.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
walk and chew gum...nope, just can't do it...
You know that old saying about "can't walk and chew gum at the same time"? (I swear there is also some saying about "can't walk through a door without hitting both sides" . I wish someone could back me up on that one cuz no one else seems to know it.)
ANYWHO...today I was trying to get through a door carrying all our paychecks, the box I was using was a total POS and it began to buckle. While I was trying to get a handle on the box so I wouldn't drop the checks all over the floor, the door came back and hit me (did I mention it was a weighted door), smashing me into the door frame and jamming my elbow into (and I mean actually inside) the latch plate. It hurt like hell. Lola (evil twin) emerged for a few moments to swear like a sailor for me like she usually does. The pain did not go away, it hurt to reach my arm out, it hurt to let it hang, it hurt to walk. Why was I walking on my hands you ask? No, I mean, the natural sway of your arms when you walk even hurt. So, I got to visit our worker's comp doctor and left there in a sling. Yep, that's right I became a recordable OSHA incident to my company all because I am too stupid to open a door far enough to walk through it properly. That's borderline Darwin-ism. I expect to get only Honorable Mention though on this year's list since I didn't actually manage to kill myself in some ridiculous fashion.
The incident report I had to fill out had a section to include any contributing factors to the injury...I told our Safety dept there was no space on the form the indicate "blonde". I think a new version of that document is being drafted as we speak...probably just for my personal use though.
ANYWHO...today I was trying to get through a door carrying all our paychecks, the box I was using was a total POS and it began to buckle. While I was trying to get a handle on the box so I wouldn't drop the checks all over the floor, the door came back and hit me (did I mention it was a weighted door), smashing me into the door frame and jamming my elbow into (and I mean actually inside) the latch plate. It hurt like hell. Lola (evil twin) emerged for a few moments to swear like a sailor for me like she usually does. The pain did not go away, it hurt to reach my arm out, it hurt to let it hang, it hurt to walk. Why was I walking on my hands you ask? No, I mean, the natural sway of your arms when you walk even hurt. So, I got to visit our worker's comp doctor and left there in a sling. Yep, that's right I became a recordable OSHA incident to my company all because I am too stupid to open a door far enough to walk through it properly. That's borderline Darwin-ism. I expect to get only Honorable Mention though on this year's list since I didn't actually manage to kill myself in some ridiculous fashion.
The incident report I had to fill out had a section to include any contributing factors to the injury...I told our Safety dept there was no space on the form the indicate "blonde". I think a new version of that document is being drafted as we speak...probably just for my personal use though.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
"It's My Party" - part 2 (in pictures)
Here are the pictures I sent to my co-workers of my birthday party the other night...
If it seems a little bare - that's because NO ONE SHOWED UP - remember?!
and one other co-worker...
We partied 'til we dropped!
If it seems a little bare - that's because NO ONE SHOWED UP - remember?!
*
I can't say no one. My birthday buddy and co-worker, Casey, came...
and one other co-worker...
We partied 'til we dropped!
.
(My photoshop skilz are excellent aren't they?!)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Baby Ellie is an Angel now...
This picture was sent to me by a co-worker last week showing off his beautiful, 9th grandchild. Elizabeth Ann, who they called Ellie, was born one week ago today but sadly this morning died of apparent heart failure.
*
She was a preemie - 4 or 5 weeks early - but had been released from the hospital. She became fussy through the night last night and when they were preparing to give her a bottle, she started spitting up blood and then stopped breathing. The dad was giving her CPR when the paramedics arrived but she died before they got to the hospital.
*
It's so sad. I feel for the entire family. I can't imagine losing a child at any age. She was a "surprise" to the family as both parents are in their 40's and both have children from previous marriages but she was cherished none the less.
Please send some prayers for Baby Ellie on her journey to heaven and for the family in their time of sorrow.
Monday, November 10, 2008
It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To...
...you would cry too if it happened to you...maybe...maybe I'm just overly emotionally. But did I mention it's my party and I'll cry if I want to?!
I cried over how I pathetically invited about (20) co-workers/friends to come to Jersey's after work for a couple drinks for my birthday. I acknowledged it was a little weird to think about having drinks on a Monday but as someone (a co-worker no less) had pointed out to me "you can't have drinks two days after your birthday, you have to have a drink on your birthday". That was it...that's what drug me in...fooled me into thinking people actually wanted to have a drink with me and celebrate my day. Well, (3) people showed up.
One of those was my good friend, who I am also going out with this upcoming weekend, one was a co-worker who happens to share the same birthday (we are cool like that) and the other wasn't even at work all day. They drove back from an out-of-town funeral to be there.
How pathetic was I to save (12) seats at the bar (not at the bar per say but in the bar itself) and contemplated if we would need (4) more?! Can I get a big fat finger and thump in the shape of an L on my forhead?! I feel so pathetically stupid to think after 12 years of working with these people, that I actually mattered in the scheme of things. Now I'm thinking---not so much!
I know we all lead busy lives but I wasn't talking an all nighter here. I made that perfectly clear. This is a payroll processing week for us which is my MAIN JOB, I couldn't have stayed all night even if I wanted to because I had that work to complete. I was only talking about a couple drinks. How long out of their lives would that have taken?! I just feel so stupid to have even sent the "invitation". I never do that. I get together with my outside work friends every year but I never plan anything other than maybe lunch with a handful of co-workers. I should have stuck with that plan. I feel like Sally Field's Oscar speech where she fatefully said, "You like me. You really like me!" ...'cept the total and utter opposite of "like".
I mean a couple of people specifically told me to pick a night they could take me out for a drink and when I do...they don't show. I don't get it! Why even ask that if you had no intention of following through?!
I don't know...maybe I'm just highly emotional...this is, after all, my first birthday without my mother. I can't tell you how it felt to not get that "Happy Birthday baby girl" phone call this year. I've been missing my mom a lot lately - especially since we had her estate sale and the closing the sale of her house. It all seems so final now. I've had this overhelming, almost obsessive need to hear my mom's voice again. To hear her tell me she is ok. That her decision to let go was the right thing and that everything is ok. It physically hurts my heart sometimes just wanting to hear her voice again. I told a couple people today that I knew my birthday wish was not going to come true, unless you believe in spirits and contacting from beyond, because my one wish was to hear my mom tell me Happy Birthday and that's not going to happen.
I think maybe I planned this thing tonight, not only because I fooled myself into thinking people would come, but also because I probably wanted to get my mind off coming home at the end of the day and that was it. Another birthday come and gone, another day come and gone...my mom being gone. That plan failed sooooooooooooo very miserably.
So, forgive me for the pity party but I believe I did say it's my party and I'll cry if I want to!
I cried over how I pathetically invited about (20) co-workers/friends to come to Jersey's after work for a couple drinks for my birthday. I acknowledged it was a little weird to think about having drinks on a Monday but as someone (a co-worker no less) had pointed out to me "you can't have drinks two days after your birthday, you have to have a drink on your birthday". That was it...that's what drug me in...fooled me into thinking people actually wanted to have a drink with me and celebrate my day. Well, (3) people showed up.
One of those was my good friend, who I am also going out with this upcoming weekend, one was a co-worker who happens to share the same birthday (we are cool like that) and the other wasn't even at work all day. They drove back from an out-of-town funeral to be there.
How pathetic was I to save (12) seats at the bar (not at the bar per say but in the bar itself) and contemplated if we would need (4) more?! Can I get a big fat finger and thump in the shape of an L on my forhead?! I feel so pathetically stupid to think after 12 years of working with these people, that I actually mattered in the scheme of things. Now I'm thinking---not so much!
I know we all lead busy lives but I wasn't talking an all nighter here. I made that perfectly clear. This is a payroll processing week for us which is my MAIN JOB, I couldn't have stayed all night even if I wanted to because I had that work to complete. I was only talking about a couple drinks. How long out of their lives would that have taken?! I just feel so stupid to have even sent the "invitation". I never do that. I get together with my outside work friends every year but I never plan anything other than maybe lunch with a handful of co-workers. I should have stuck with that plan. I feel like Sally Field's Oscar speech where she fatefully said, "You like me. You really like me!" ...'cept the total and utter opposite of "like".
I mean a couple of people specifically told me to pick a night they could take me out for a drink and when I do...they don't show. I don't get it! Why even ask that if you had no intention of following through?!
I don't know...maybe I'm just highly emotional...this is, after all, my first birthday without my mother. I can't tell you how it felt to not get that "Happy Birthday baby girl" phone call this year. I've been missing my mom a lot lately - especially since we had her estate sale and the closing the sale of her house. It all seems so final now. I've had this overhelming, almost obsessive need to hear my mom's voice again. To hear her tell me she is ok. That her decision to let go was the right thing and that everything is ok. It physically hurts my heart sometimes just wanting to hear her voice again. I told a couple people today that I knew my birthday wish was not going to come true, unless you believe in spirits and contacting from beyond, because my one wish was to hear my mom tell me Happy Birthday and that's not going to happen.
I think maybe I planned this thing tonight, not only because I fooled myself into thinking people would come, but also because I probably wanted to get my mind off coming home at the end of the day and that was it. Another birthday come and gone, another day come and gone...my mom being gone. That plan failed sooooooooooooo very miserably.
So, forgive me for the pity party but I believe I did say it's my party and I'll cry if I want to!
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Don't Move a Muscle
Have you ever been lying in bed with a 4 year old, it's barely daybreak, you feel them starting to stir, you desperately want them to stay sleeping longer cuz you yourself didn't go to bed 'til 1:30 am (or later), but you also desperately want to change positions before the pain in your knee, or your hip, or your back becomes too excruciating. Perhaps it's not a limb loosing circulation... perhaps your pajama buttoms are so far up you butt - a wedgie of mass purportions. And you don't dare change your breathing pattern either. The slightest sign that you are not actually in a deep hibernation is all the go ahead they need to decide you are awake. You're like prey camoflaging yourself from the predator. And even when a little finger starts tracing your face ever so lightly, you lay completely still - for one hint of movement on your part means you are done for. You might as well have one foot on the floor getting ready to build a lego tower or turn on the Ninja Turtle movie or play Hotwheels (feel free to apply some girl metaphors if applicable...I myself would not know any having all boys). It's a battle of wills. Can you keep the fake out up long enough that they might give up and lay back down with you and for at least another 15 minutes. Then you hear..."MOM, it's morning day!!" Now your toast! Stick a fork in ya - you're done. There is NO convincing a 4 year that you can stay sleeping after it starts to get light out.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Does the carpet match the drapes?
Have you had this age old debate?
Last night while out with co-workers for drinks, a guy was talking about being with a red hed...in his words, "a real red head". I stopped him right there and said, "that is so not true - that whole does the carpet match the drapes thing". This is how it progressed from there...
Guy: "How do you know?"
Me: "Umm, cuz I'm a girl...who's carpet doesn't match the drapes."
Guy: "Do you color your hair?"
Me: "Yes"
Guy: "How long have you colored your hair?"
Me: "Y E A R S !"
Guy: "Then how do you even know what your natural color is anymore?"
Me: "Well, I remember than it's definitely lighter than the carpet."
Guy: "Here take my phone (camera phone) into the bathroom and prove it!"
PAUSE FOR LAUGH TRACK...
I was trying to think of a discreet way of explaining the lack of carpeting when a 2nd guy says...
Guy #2: "What if they don't have carpet? What if they have lanolieum?"
Me: "Thank you! I was trying to think of how to word that?"
Guy #1: "Nope! Don't like lanolieum! I like the carpet."
Me: "Ok, so as far as carpets go, do you like a shag or a nice berber?"
I don't think he ever answered that question. He moved on to this explanation...
Guy #1: "Here's the thing...the carpet is like a forest. When you wander into a forest, it's mysterious, it's a scary, it's full of surprises..."
the rest of us: "yeah like wild animals and strange noises"
Guy #1 continues: "...it's exciting, you walking along and suddenly you find..."
the rest of us: "a warm cave to hide in!"
Guy #1: "EXACTLY!"
PAUSE FOR LAUGH TRACK...
The whole conversation was very funny and very insightful. The things you can find out about your coworkers when alcohol is involved (and surprisingly how little)! We are trying to do these after work get togethers every couple weeks. I'm thinking there will be plenty of blogging fodder to choose from. hahahaha
Last night while out with co-workers for drinks, a guy was talking about being with a red hed...in his words, "a real red head". I stopped him right there and said, "that is so not true - that whole does the carpet match the drapes thing". This is how it progressed from there...
Guy: "How do you know?"
Me: "Umm, cuz I'm a girl...who's carpet doesn't match the drapes."
Guy: "Do you color your hair?"
Me: "Yes"
Guy: "How long have you colored your hair?"
Me: "Y E A R S !"
Guy: "Then how do you even know what your natural color is anymore?"
Me: "Well, I remember than it's definitely lighter than the carpet."
Guy: "Here take my phone (camera phone) into the bathroom and prove it!"
PAUSE FOR LAUGH TRACK...
I was trying to think of a discreet way of explaining the lack of carpeting when a 2nd guy says...
Guy #2: "What if they don't have carpet? What if they have lanolieum?"
Me: "Thank you! I was trying to think of how to word that?"
Guy #1: "Nope! Don't like lanolieum! I like the carpet."
Me: "Ok, so as far as carpets go, do you like a shag or a nice berber?"
I don't think he ever answered that question. He moved on to this explanation...
Guy #1: "Here's the thing...the carpet is like a forest. When you wander into a forest, it's mysterious, it's a scary, it's full of surprises..."
the rest of us: "yeah like wild animals and strange noises"
Guy #1 continues: "...it's exciting, you walking along and suddenly you find..."
the rest of us: "a warm cave to hide in!"
Guy #1: "EXACTLY!"
PAUSE FOR LAUGH TRACK...
The whole conversation was very funny and very insightful. The things you can find out about your coworkers when alcohol is involved (and surprisingly how little)! We are trying to do these after work get togethers every couple weeks. I'm thinking there will be plenty of blogging fodder to choose from. hahahaha
Friday, November 07, 2008
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah
What is with the Christmas music already on the radio? I'm not talking about an occassional yule tide carol to get us thinking "tis the season". There is a local radio station who, in the past, has started playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving and plays it straight through 'til New Year's. That was a stretch at best but in the last couple years they have started their tradition even earlier. This year they started it yesterday...the 6th of November!
Now I'm no Scrooge...Bah Hum Bug is not typically in my holiday vocabulary...but how many Christmas songs can there be to play for that length of time? How many versions of "Chet's Nuts Roasting on a Open Fire" are there out there?
Now I'm no Scrooge...Bah Hum Bug is not typically in my holiday vocabulary...but how many Christmas songs can there be to play for that length of time? How many versions of "Chet's Nuts Roasting on a Open Fire" are there out there?
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Selling My Body to Science
Do they give cash advances on promising to will your body to science? You know like you get an advance on making an album or writing a book in anticipation of a much bigger pay off later?! I don't know who would consider my body a big pay off today let alone when the time comes that I am no longer using it and science could take over but I have run out of ideas to come up with quick cash. Well, other than selling my body for other reasons...but that is NOT an option.
The walls are closing in quick. I have been playing more than just two ends against the middle for so long and now this week that just got worse. After borrowing money I can't even afford to pay back, my car semi-broke down on Monday. All it was was the battery connectors but it cost me $90 to get them replaced. Let me break that bill down a little for ya...
Shop parts $ 4.80
Labor $79.96
Tax $ 5.08
Me being hauled off to the poor house....priceless...NOT!
I just don't know what I am going to do. That $90 was the grocery and gas money for the week. For the week! I don't get paid for almost two more weeks. Before I could get to the bank (because of the car breaking down) with the money I borrowed to cover my rent, it had gone through. The NSF charge for that now means the check for the car repair won't go through. The $500 I paid last month to keep my utilities on has come and gone and now they are all due again. I owe just about everyone and their grandma...day care...preschool...I'm afraid they are going to ask me to pull Jace out until I can pay and since I can't pay, he'll loose his spot.
I know I put myself in this situation by not budgeting and by not paying my bills before I spend on eating out and going out and material things that we could probably do without but even though I put myself here, I am still stressing out BIG time and I need to vent. I mean, it's not may times I've sat in the grocery store parking lot and cried after just scrimping out what I could buy to feed my kids for two weeks on a total of $38 in cash and a dollar in dimes and nickels. I didn't even figure than well enough and had to have them take off a loaf of bread because I was $0.60 short. And racking my brain to figure out how to make $20 in my gas tank last two weeks when one kid has physical therapy three times a week and another is lifting weights after school getting ready for basketball season and another needs picked up from day care everyday.
Something has got to give and I don't know what. I have some child support money coming but it's his first payment from a new employer so I have no idea how timely they are in sending in their payments. I also should have some money from the proceeds of the sale of my mom's house but it's not up to me when that money gets dispersed. I've already borrowed against my proceeds once so I don't feel I can ask how much is left and when we'll be getting it. Plus that brings on all these guilty feelings of essentially prospering from my mother's death. I should be so ashamed that I am counting on that money when if she were still here, there'd be no sale. Makes me feel like the worst daughter in the world... the worst person ever.
I also have a injury claim to settle from the car accident I was in back in June that I really have no idea how to go about. I hate to rush to settle just because I need the money but I need the money. Christmas is coming and all those bills and I don't know what else to do.
I always swear when I come into money that I will be better. That I will always pay the bills first and if there is anything left over then maybe we can spend on extras but I NEVER do that and a couple times I year at least, I find myself back here with the walls closing in.
CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!
The walls are closing in quick. I have been playing more than just two ends against the middle for so long and now this week that just got worse. After borrowing money I can't even afford to pay back, my car semi-broke down on Monday. All it was was the battery connectors but it cost me $90 to get them replaced. Let me break that bill down a little for ya...
Shop parts $ 4.80
Labor $79.96
Tax $ 5.08
Me being hauled off to the poor house....priceless...NOT!
I just don't know what I am going to do. That $90 was the grocery and gas money for the week. For the week! I don't get paid for almost two more weeks. Before I could get to the bank (because of the car breaking down) with the money I borrowed to cover my rent, it had gone through. The NSF charge for that now means the check for the car repair won't go through. The $500 I paid last month to keep my utilities on has come and gone and now they are all due again. I owe just about everyone and their grandma...day care...preschool...I'm afraid they are going to ask me to pull Jace out until I can pay and since I can't pay, he'll loose his spot.
I know I put myself in this situation by not budgeting and by not paying my bills before I spend on eating out and going out and material things that we could probably do without but even though I put myself here, I am still stressing out BIG time and I need to vent. I mean, it's not may times I've sat in the grocery store parking lot and cried after just scrimping out what I could buy to feed my kids for two weeks on a total of $38 in cash and a dollar in dimes and nickels. I didn't even figure than well enough and had to have them take off a loaf of bread because I was $0.60 short. And racking my brain to figure out how to make $20 in my gas tank last two weeks when one kid has physical therapy three times a week and another is lifting weights after school getting ready for basketball season and another needs picked up from day care everyday.
Something has got to give and I don't know what. I have some child support money coming but it's his first payment from a new employer so I have no idea how timely they are in sending in their payments. I also should have some money from the proceeds of the sale of my mom's house but it's not up to me when that money gets dispersed. I've already borrowed against my proceeds once so I don't feel I can ask how much is left and when we'll be getting it. Plus that brings on all these guilty feelings of essentially prospering from my mother's death. I should be so ashamed that I am counting on that money when if she were still here, there'd be no sale. Makes me feel like the worst daughter in the world... the worst person ever.
I also have a injury claim to settle from the car accident I was in back in June that I really have no idea how to go about. I hate to rush to settle just because I need the money but I need the money. Christmas is coming and all those bills and I don't know what else to do.
I always swear when I come into money that I will be better. That I will always pay the bills first and if there is anything left over then maybe we can spend on extras but I NEVER do that and a couple times I year at least, I find myself back here with the walls closing in.
CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Where were you when...
Some people remember where they were when Kennedy was shot - November 22, 1963. Not me since I wasn't born yet.
Some people remember where they were when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon - July 20, 1969. Again, not me, I still had not been born yet. That lovely event happened 3 1/2 months after the first moon walk.
Some people remember where they were when the Vietnam War ended - Paris Peace Accord signed January 27, 1973 and final US troop withdrawal on March 29, 1973. I was alive at this time but alas do not remember anything since I was only 3 years old.
Some people remember where they were when the hostages were released in Iran - January 21, 1981. I was in Mrs. King's 5th grade classroom huddled around a radio listening to it unfold.
Some people remember where they were when the space shuttle Challenger exploded - January 26, 1986. I was a sophomore in high school and was walking down the stairs to lunch when someone asked, "did you hear about the shuttle exploding?" I thought it was a joke and was waiting for the punchline. It was no joke.
Some people remember where they were when the Oklahoma City bombing happened - April 19, 1995. I don't know where I was at the exact moment but I do remember watching the coverage for days on end. I so related to Edye Smith whose young boys; Chase, age 3, and Colton, age 2, were killed at the day care center housed in the federal building. My now teenage sons were 1 1/2 years and 4 months old at the time. I was heartbroken for her and all the victims.
Most people remember where they were when the World Trade Center was attacked - September 11, 2001. I was in my office (it was a payroll processing day for us) and someone came to our door and said a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. Again, like with the shuttle explosion, I thought it was a joke. They said to go look on the tv in the cafeteria. I got in the cafeteria just in time to see the 2nd plane hit. I couldn't believe it. Much of the rest of that day was spent gathered around those tvs. Like I said, we were processing our payroll too so we had to pull ourselves away for periods at a time to actually work but it was hard. I also was watching when the towers came crumbling down.
So, having said all that...
Where were you when history was made once again and we elected our first black President - November 4, 2008? I was doing laundry. I hadn't really been watching the results on tv since Jace had control of the remote but I had been checking in on ABCNews.com. When I put Jace to bed and went down to change the laundry, Obama had 207 electoral votes. When I came back up like 5 minutes later, Charlie Gibson was declaring Obama the President-elect. I was like, "whoa, what happened in the last 5 minutes". Thank god I have DVR so I rewound live tv (yes I can) and tuned back in as Charlie was saying "some stations will break away for local news but the polls close in California in 10 seconds". ...DRAMATIC PAUSE... "ABC can now say that Barak Obama has been elected our next President. He will take California and it's 55 electoral votes, and he will take Washington with it's 11 electoral votes...". And that was it; electoral vote count at 273 at that point, Barak Obama had become our 44th President and made history as the first black President.
Some people remember where they were when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon - July 20, 1969. Again, not me, I still had not been born yet. That lovely event happened 3 1/2 months after the first moon walk.
Some people remember where they were when the Vietnam War ended - Paris Peace Accord signed January 27, 1973 and final US troop withdrawal on March 29, 1973. I was alive at this time but alas do not remember anything since I was only 3 years old.
Some people remember where they were when the hostages were released in Iran - January 21, 1981. I was in Mrs. King's 5th grade classroom huddled around a radio listening to it unfold.
Some people remember where they were when the space shuttle Challenger exploded - January 26, 1986. I was a sophomore in high school and was walking down the stairs to lunch when someone asked, "did you hear about the shuttle exploding?" I thought it was a joke and was waiting for the punchline. It was no joke.
Some people remember where they were when the Oklahoma City bombing happened - April 19, 1995. I don't know where I was at the exact moment but I do remember watching the coverage for days on end. I so related to Edye Smith whose young boys; Chase, age 3, and Colton, age 2, were killed at the day care center housed in the federal building. My now teenage sons were 1 1/2 years and 4 months old at the time. I was heartbroken for her and all the victims.
Most people remember where they were when the World Trade Center was attacked - September 11, 2001. I was in my office (it was a payroll processing day for us) and someone came to our door and said a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. Again, like with the shuttle explosion, I thought it was a joke. They said to go look on the tv in the cafeteria. I got in the cafeteria just in time to see the 2nd plane hit. I couldn't believe it. Much of the rest of that day was spent gathered around those tvs. Like I said, we were processing our payroll too so we had to pull ourselves away for periods at a time to actually work but it was hard. I also was watching when the towers came crumbling down.
So, having said all that...
Where were you when history was made once again and we elected our first black President - November 4, 2008? I was doing laundry. I hadn't really been watching the results on tv since Jace had control of the remote but I had been checking in on ABCNews.com. When I put Jace to bed and went down to change the laundry, Obama had 207 electoral votes. When I came back up like 5 minutes later, Charlie Gibson was declaring Obama the President-elect. I was like, "whoa, what happened in the last 5 minutes". Thank god I have DVR so I rewound live tv (yes I can) and tuned back in as Charlie was saying "some stations will break away for local news but the polls close in California in 10 seconds". ...DRAMATIC PAUSE... "ABC can now say that Barak Obama has been elected our next President. He will take California and it's 55 electoral votes, and he will take Washington with it's 11 electoral votes...". And that was it; electoral vote count at 273 at that point, Barak Obama had become our 44th President and made history as the first black President.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
The Brave Little Pollster
(wait...is a pollster someone who votes or someone who tablulates the votes? Oh well, I like it anyway.)
So earlier today I posted about how I was a Virgin Voter. I had been so paralized with fear (or stupidity) in the passed that I simply did nothing at all. I had NEVER voted in any election even though I have been eligible to vote for 20 years. Amazing, huh?!
Well, bollstered by tales of how easy it was and what to expect...I finally did it! I lost my voting virginity! It felt great! (oops - that's a mixed metaphor) It took all of about 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it! What had I be so afraid of? I was being so silly!
So now I will be glued to the coverage tonight to watch my vote count! I am so excited!
40 Year Old Virgin Voter
You've heard of the movie "40 Year Old Virgin"? Well, I am the almost 40 year old virgin voter. I have NEVER voted in my life!! I've wanted to. I've felt strongly either about particular candiates or the party they represent and have wanted to sway the election with my one vote. This year is no different. I have a candidate I am behind and want to do my DEMOCRATic duty (hint, hint) but I have NO idea how to go about it.
I do not do well in situations that I don't know exact what to do. I feel stupid. But I do not like it when (or if) people think I am stupid. Cuz I am not, I just have blonde moments occassionally, and it drives me absolutely crazy to think that people think I am dumb because I am not. But I feel I will definitely look like an idiot walking into a polling place (if I could even find the right one) and not have a single clue what to say or do. I get paralyzed with fear so I do nothing.
The closest I've come to voting in the passed (other than in school when we voted on little slips of paper) was requesting the Absentee Ballot. I figured this is good because then I don't have to actually go into the polling place and see actual people who will think I am an idiot. BUT since I am the biggest procrastinator and hardly ever open my mail...I never get the absentee ballot opened let alone filled out or sent in.
I've never disclosed until the last few days that I have NEVER voted. Again, because I felt stupid. I mean, how could I not vote? How could I not let my voice be heard? How stupid is it that I don't take advantage of this priviledge to choose? I mentioned my lack of voting and the fear that has kept me from voting to some co-workers this morning and with some coaching, I'm starting to feel like maybe I could try it this year. This is a particularly historic election and I do feel strongly for my party. I need to concur this fear and get out there and Rock the Vote.
If only I could get someone to pick me up, take me to the polls, give me a little shove in the right direction and perhaps a stiff drink (did you know there are 7 states that ban alcohol sales on election day? Iowa is NOT one of them), I'd feel much better about it. Anyone? No? Ok so I guess I am on my own today.
So this is my Girl Scout pledge...
On my honor, I'll do my best, to not be so damn repressed!
I do not do well in situations that I don't know exact what to do. I feel stupid. But I do not like it when (or if) people think I am stupid. Cuz I am not, I just have blonde moments occassionally, and it drives me absolutely crazy to think that people think I am dumb because I am not. But I feel I will definitely look like an idiot walking into a polling place (if I could even find the right one) and not have a single clue what to say or do. I get paralyzed with fear so I do nothing.
The closest I've come to voting in the passed (other than in school when we voted on little slips of paper) was requesting the Absentee Ballot. I figured this is good because then I don't have to actually go into the polling place and see actual people who will think I am an idiot. BUT since I am the biggest procrastinator and hardly ever open my mail...I never get the absentee ballot opened let alone filled out or sent in.
I've never disclosed until the last few days that I have NEVER voted. Again, because I felt stupid. I mean, how could I not vote? How could I not let my voice be heard? How stupid is it that I don't take advantage of this priviledge to choose? I mentioned my lack of voting and the fear that has kept me from voting to some co-workers this morning and with some coaching, I'm starting to feel like maybe I could try it this year. This is a particularly historic election and I do feel strongly for my party. I need to concur this fear and get out there and Rock the Vote.
If only I could get someone to pick me up, take me to the polls, give me a little shove in the right direction and perhaps a stiff drink (did you know there are 7 states that ban alcohol sales on election day? Iowa is NOT one of them), I'd feel much better about it. Anyone? No? Ok so I guess I am on my own today.
So this is my Girl Scout pledge...
On my honor, I'll do my best, to not be so damn repressed!
Monday, November 03, 2008
Name that Costume...
Can you name this masked man?
Oops - yes, that is Jace under the mask. But can you name the mask (costume) itself?
If you said a Transformer...ding ding ding...you get 2 pts!
2 more pts if you actually named the Transformer (Optimus Prime).
But sadly, you get 0 (that's a big fat ZERO) if you said blue (or red) Power Ranger like about 75% of the people said when we were trick or treating.
Jace didn't really seem to notice - I think it bothered Ken & I more than anything. Doesn't it suck when people just don't get it?! I mean wasn't the Transformers movie one of the biggest blockbusters in the last couple years and the highly anticipated Transformers 2 is coming out soon?! Come on people crawl out from under the rock you've been living under and see a movie once and a while.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Entitlement and Misguided Respect
I am a little drunk so please excuse the typos as there may be plenty and please excuse the total immaturaty of this subject but, like I said, I am a little drunk and everything is a crisis when you are drunk.
So, I my cell phone went dead early on in my evening out with friends tonight. I figured it's a new battery, you are supposed to let them die completely down the first time and then recharge them. BUT when I got home 5 hrs later, I was excited to plug it in and see if I got any text messages. There probably was going to be at least one booty offer from my not-so-ex-husband. I could except or decline - my choice - but first I had to see if there was even any messages.
Got home, went to the outlet I always keep my charger in and it was gone. I had just used it a day or so before so I know it was there. My son and I have the same phone but our own chargers so he shoudn't need mine but he had to have taken it. I remembered him rolling up the cord around a charger earlier in the day before he went to his dad's but I never thought it was my charger because he had his own.
I was mad!
I called him from our home phone on his cell phone and when he answered, immediately jumped on him,
me: "did you take my charger?"
him: "uh, yeah"
me: "did you ask me if you could?"
him: " you saw me taking it"
me: " I thought that was your charger, why would I ever think it was mine?"
silence...
at some point...
him: "well, I left mine at Billy's"
me: "then why didn't you ask your dad to take you back?"
him: "cuz we were already so far away"
me: "SO. Wouldn't it have been better to have asked and he said no then not to ask at at?
silence...
me: "so when will I get my charger tomorrow?"
him: "uh, when we come home" (which isn't 'til after 6:00 pm usually)
me: "so, I have to go the whole day with no phone just because you think you deserved to take something of mine
him: "well, you still have the home phone"
me: "maybe I want to see if I have any text messages. Isn't that why you wanted your phone charged? To be able to text? Why are you any better than me?"
silence...
at some point there was some shouting from me saying "you don't respect me. All I am to you is a taxi driver and an ATM machine. Maybe when I get my charger back I should take your phone for a couple days so you can see how it feels"
me: "why can't you ask your dad to bring the charger back over tomorrow?"
him: "well, if he brings us over for that, he'll say why don't you just go home yourselves then too".
me: "not if you ask him to bring you right when you get up"
him: "well, I don't think they are going to get up too early so by time they do get up, he will just want to drop us off too"
me: "oh I see...you don't want to inconvenience your dad by asking him to go back to Billy's house to get your charger but you can inconvenience the fuck out of me by taking mine"
silence...
The thing is he never once said he was sorry! Where the fuck do they get this sense of entitlement?! That they can take whatever the fuck they want and screw whoever it inconveniences. I know, I know...from me probably. But it still pisses me the fuck off.
Back to his comment about if he asks his dad to bring him home to bring me my charger then his dad will just want to drop him of too. Unfortunately, I said, "See! Why would you want to be around that? I take care of and spend time with you every day and you care more about someone who would drop you off early just to convenience them! I don't get why you give him more consideration than you would give me".
Not my most shining moment. And alcohol is NO excuse. BUT...it has always drove me CRAZY how my boys have this unconditional love for their father when he has been as absentee father 90% of their lives. No matter what bullshit he pulls, and trust me, he has pulled some doosies (hurtful, mean, underhanded, disrespectful, selfish doosies) in their lifetime...they still love him unconditionally. He isn't invisible to them like I am. He isn't stupid to them like I am. He isn't a drag to him like I am. He isn't a means to what they want like I am and it drives me fucking crazy!
I know that probably makes me selfish too...to want them to bow at my feet for all the sacrifices I have made for them but I can't help it. Lord knows I am not a mother for the glory cuz Lord also knows there are times there is no glory...but is it too much to ask that there are times your kids respect what you do above and beyond being biologically obligated to mother them. Yes, I have to do it but that's not even it. I want to do it. I find great joy in giving them what makes them happy but when does it ever cross their mind to make their mother happy
I don't know...I am a little drunk...and probably all "react first, think later"...and I KNOW I handled it all badly...but it hurts...it hurts real bad that I don't know that I will ever have that unconditional love they give their father even though I am the one who has given them everything all their lives. It hurts...it hurts real bad!
So, I my cell phone went dead early on in my evening out with friends tonight. I figured it's a new battery, you are supposed to let them die completely down the first time and then recharge them. BUT when I got home 5 hrs later, I was excited to plug it in and see if I got any text messages. There probably was going to be at least one booty offer from my not-so-ex-husband. I could except or decline - my choice - but first I had to see if there was even any messages.
Got home, went to the outlet I always keep my charger in and it was gone. I had just used it a day or so before so I know it was there. My son and I have the same phone but our own chargers so he shoudn't need mine but he had to have taken it. I remembered him rolling up the cord around a charger earlier in the day before he went to his dad's but I never thought it was my charger because he had his own.
I was mad!
I called him from our home phone on his cell phone and when he answered, immediately jumped on him,
me: "did you take my charger?"
him: "uh, yeah"
me: "did you ask me if you could?"
him: " you saw me taking it"
me: " I thought that was your charger, why would I ever think it was mine?"
silence...
at some point...
him: "well, I left mine at Billy's"
me: "then why didn't you ask your dad to take you back?"
him: "cuz we were already so far away"
me: "SO. Wouldn't it have been better to have asked and he said no then not to ask at at?
silence...
me: "so when will I get my charger tomorrow?"
him: "uh, when we come home" (which isn't 'til after 6:00 pm usually)
me: "so, I have to go the whole day with no phone just because you think you deserved to take something of mine
him: "well, you still have the home phone"
me: "maybe I want to see if I have any text messages. Isn't that why you wanted your phone charged? To be able to text? Why are you any better than me?"
silence...
at some point there was some shouting from me saying "you don't respect me. All I am to you is a taxi driver and an ATM machine. Maybe when I get my charger back I should take your phone for a couple days so you can see how it feels"
me: "why can't you ask your dad to bring the charger back over tomorrow?"
him: "well, if he brings us over for that, he'll say why don't you just go home yourselves then too".
me: "not if you ask him to bring you right when you get up"
him: "well, I don't think they are going to get up too early so by time they do get up, he will just want to drop us off too"
me: "oh I see...you don't want to inconvenience your dad by asking him to go back to Billy's house to get your charger but you can inconvenience the fuck out of me by taking mine"
silence...
The thing is he never once said he was sorry! Where the fuck do they get this sense of entitlement?! That they can take whatever the fuck they want and screw whoever it inconveniences. I know, I know...from me probably. But it still pisses me the fuck off.
Back to his comment about if he asks his dad to bring him home to bring me my charger then his dad will just want to drop him of too. Unfortunately, I said, "See! Why would you want to be around that? I take care of and spend time with you every day and you care more about someone who would drop you off early just to convenience them! I don't get why you give him more consideration than you would give me".
Not my most shining moment. And alcohol is NO excuse. BUT...it has always drove me CRAZY how my boys have this unconditional love for their father when he has been as absentee father 90% of their lives. No matter what bullshit he pulls, and trust me, he has pulled some doosies (hurtful, mean, underhanded, disrespectful, selfish doosies) in their lifetime...they still love him unconditionally. He isn't invisible to them like I am. He isn't stupid to them like I am. He isn't a drag to him like I am. He isn't a means to what they want like I am and it drives me fucking crazy!
I know that probably makes me selfish too...to want them to bow at my feet for all the sacrifices I have made for them but I can't help it. Lord knows I am not a mother for the glory cuz Lord also knows there are times there is no glory...but is it too much to ask that there are times your kids respect what you do above and beyond being biologically obligated to mother them. Yes, I have to do it but that's not even it. I want to do it. I find great joy in giving them what makes them happy but when does it ever cross their mind to make their mother happy
I don't know...I am a little drunk...and probably all "react first, think later"...and I KNOW I handled it all badly...but it hurts...it hurts real bad that I don't know that I will ever have that unconditional love they give their father even though I am the one who has given them everything all their lives. It hurts...it hurts real bad!
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