man, it's been awhile...

I haven't updated forever...too much going on I guess.

Well, let's go back...

Starting with 10/16/04:

This was the day of my PartyLite party. By time I gathered everything up at my mom's, hauled it back in the house and then jumped in cleaning my own house (since everyone else was camped out on the couches either playing video games or talking on the phone) oh I'd say by 5:00 pm I knew something was starting with the baby. I took it easy the rest of the day but from 9:00 - 9:30 pm I was having contractions every 2 minutes. Those subsided but I was still feeling pressure. Still not sure if it was serious enough to go to the hospital but knowing that my ob was upset with me that I hadn't gone in other times, I waited 'til 10:30 - 11:00 pm before I went.

They hooked me up to the monitor and not long after that I started having cramps/contractions - whatever they were. They said nothing was showing up on the monitors but they still gave me a shot to stop the contractions. Why they'd would do that if nothing was showing up I don't know but I suppose it was based on what I was telling them I was experiencing. They sent me home just over 2 hours after I had gotten there.

I rested the rest of the weekend and didn't have any more contractions for days.

So then on 10/21/04:

I had my regularly scheduled ob appt. I told her about my trip to L&D. She talked about repeating the Fetal Fibronectin test but it was too soon. It was to be at least 2 weeks. We talked about the connection of these bouts coming on on the weekends when I've been on my feet more and doing more than I do during the week so she said to stay off my feet as much as possible.

She said every week now that I make it she is just happy as can be with because we just didn't know what would happen with my cervix. It's still closed. She also said that if I go into labor anytime after 34 weeks (2 1/2 weeks from now) they'll just let me go. That's mid-November so I'm kind of resigning myself that we may very likely have a November baby. And actually as long as it's healthy, I'd be TOTALLY ok with that.

So, then I was going good until 10/27/04:

I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. I swear there was an alien space ship hovering over our house the entire night. There was this loud buzzing noise over our house and eventually it started pounding inside my head. I was awake from that before the alarm went off but was just laying there not wanting to get up either. All of all sudden I felt like I was going to throw up. I turned on my side and soon started having cramps. After a little while I went ahead and got up and the rest of the morning I just didn't feel right. When I would walk my stomach felt different, later it was hard as a rock. Around 9:00 am I started having the pressure and pinching. Right then I told Leslie and Carla (the girl who is filling in for me) that I would probably be going home. I stuck around long enough to get Carla to a point where she'd have something work on the rest of the day. My plan then was to go home and go through the routine for pre-term labor...which is empty your bladder, drink 4 glasses of water and lay on your left side for an hour. If you have 4 or more contractions in an hour - head to the hospital. First Ken & I grabbed a bite to eat then I laid down. Within 10 minutes of my head hitting the pillow I was OUT.

An hour later I woke up though again having the pressure and pinching/cramping. I started my water again and waited. It was like that for about an hour and a half but not real intense or painful so again I didn't go to the hospital. The rest of the night I stayed off my feet and felt better just slow moving.

The next day I felt fine and happen to have an ob appt already scheduled that day - 10/28/04:

I told her how I had felt the day before and she re-did the Fetal Fibronectin test. I won't get the results 'til Monday. She checked my cervix, said it feels the same and that the baby still feels high (hasn't dropped).

So, the advice was basically the same. Stay off my feet as much as possible and go to the hospital if anything happens. I haven't had anything since.

Last night was funny though. When the winds picked up so much around 8:30 or so, he (or she) was moving like crazy. Have you ever heard that women can go into labor when there is a storm - it's the change in the barametric or air pressure?! That was really the first time I was seeing my stomach move around like there was an alien in there. No one else was home so it was just me laying there watching it all.

Hey, did anyone notice that I said he (or she) just then? I've been having thougths sometimes that when we go in for the c-section the baby actually comes out a girl. Maybe I'm just holding on to that a little. BUT a couple weeks ago Ken called out the word "GIRL" in his sleep. It was almost an exclamation, like "GIRL??". HAHA. Also the baby's heartbeat was back up to 152 at my appt Thursday. The last 4 or 5 appts it's been 140 every time. Plus I've got other girl "signs"...carrying high and all in front. I KNOW, I KNOW those are just old wives tales and I know of people who had those signs a certain way and it turned out to be the other but it's fun to toss the ideas around.

So it's day by day. Like I said, I've sort of resigned myself to a November baby so we'll see.

more contractions...

Well, I went back to my ob for an unscheduled visit after having contractions every 3 minutes for a little over an hour through the night Sunday night - from about 12:10 am to 1:30 am. I had gone to bed around 10:00 pm and was awoken suddenly at 12:10 am with these pains. Anyway, I was already laying down but after going to the bathroom, I got a glass of water and laid back down to wait it out. It wasn't 'til I looked up pre-term labor online at work the next morning and saw that any contractions over 4 or 5 in an hour you should call your doctor or be seen. I was still just going to wait and see if contractions started back up on Monday before I did anything until I read that so I went ahead and called my ob. They had me come in.

She checked my cervix and said it still feels closed and tight. The also did this test called Fetal Fibronectin where they take a swab from inside and depending on the results it's an indicator of whether I am likely to deliver early. I found this online at http://www.adeza.com/html/ffn_faq.htm. Fetal fibronectin is a protein that acts as a “glue” to hold the baby in place during the critical time of the baby’s development. Towards the end of pregnancy, fFN leaks (the “glue” begins to break down) into the vagina, which is a sign that delivery may be near. A negative fFN test result means that you are at lower risk of delivering prematurely. So negative is the desired result. Now my doctor said that a positive result wouldn't really tell them anything one way or another but this website says a positive fFN test result means that you have an increased risk of delivering prematurely. And it goes on to say, how you are treated for a positive fFN test is dependent on a number of other factors that you may be experiencing in your pregnancy.

Yesterday she sent me home for the rest of the day to rest. I still felt pressure and pinching throughout the day but nothing anymore intense or consistent. I sleep fine and so far today feel ok. I haven't been up walking around much but I think I am starting to feel some twenges of pressure. It's totally a wait and see thing. I am now suppose to go to the hospital if I have more than 4 contractions in an hour. If my doctor had told me that last week when we decided I was starting to have contractions, I probably would have gone in Sunday night. Otherwise, my thoughts were if it got to be a couple hours or I couldn't go back to sleep then I would go in. Since they subsided and I was able to sleep the rest of the night I thought I was ok. She talked about cutting me back to 1/2 days if necessary but nothing else will be decided either until I have another round of contractions or depending on the test results. She had told me to call back in yesterday afternoon for the results but when I called at the end of the day they didn't have them yet. I'll have to call again this morning.

I've been joking all along about having a Thanksgiving baby instead of a Christmas baby but I never thought Halloween would play into it. HA. But no, that's not going to happen, we are going to keep this baby in as long as possible. My mom asked me last night if I was far enough along for the baby to survive if it were born now or soon. I told her survive, yes, but it would probably be in the hospital for a while. The main thing with preemies is that their lungs aren't fully developed. I would think if the contractions continue or I end up on bedrest they may start the steriod injections that are available to help develop the baby's lungs. Otherwise, the estimates or averages of the baby's size at 28 weeks (which I will be 29 weeks tomorrow) is 14 inches from head to toe and roughly 3 lbs. Our last ultrasound estimated the baby at 1 lb, 12 oz but that was a month ago so 3 lbs or more even seems right.

I'll be updating here as we go.

latest check-up...

Had another ob check yesterday - like I said, I go every 2 weeks now. Everything is still fine (well sort of - you'll see why when you keep reading). Gained 4 1/2 lbs in the last 2 weeks. WHOA!! I'm not going to let that bother me. I made it to 26 weeks only gaining 5 lbs and I'm only at 9 1/2 overall. The average at this point is 17 - 24 lbs so I'm still hanging in there below average. While the baby has always measured a little above average. It's all baby. In fact she said she always has me measuring bigger than I should be but my ultrasound dates are right on.

I am starting to have contractions though. Those are her words too - she didn't say Braxton Hicks - she said it sounded like I was starting to have contractions. I had told her about these pains I had low in my pelvis for about 2 hours Friday night. They beared down like a cramp but at the height of it there would be a sharp pain or pinch. Pretty much what I had when I went into premature labor with Brendon. I told her that I laid down, went to bed and if I hadn't been able to sleep through the night or woke up with them Saturday morning then I was going to the hospital. She said that is exactly what I should do. (DUH?!) I had those pains again for about 10 minutes on Tuesday night too.

The weird thing is that after telling her that she didn't check my cervix. I would think if you have a patient who is at risk of premature delivery due to incompetent cervix and they tell you they are starting to have contractions - wouldn't you think you should check to see if they dilated at all from those contractions. I don't know - call me crazy but it seems to me that would be a given. I don't know why she didn't check my cervix either way. I'm pretty sure she has on every visit 'cept when I've had an ultrasound that visit also because they measure it on ultrasound so no need to physically check.

I had my gestational diabetes test on this visit. I'm soooo glad they have that orange flavor drink now. I remember with the boys the brown, cola like stuff. I didn't really have a problem getting it down taste wise. It was the drinking it in 5 minutes that was kinda hard. She said if I didn't hear from he by 5:00 pm then everything was fine with my test and I didn't hear anything. They also tested my iron and that was good at 12.2 - 12 is average.

So, other than we are hitting these heavier more uncomfortable months (I mean do I ever have a waddle when I walk) - we are still hanging in there. I don't know if we'll have any more ultrasounds before that next Level 2 ultrasound on 12/08. If these contractions keep up, we might not even make it to that one. I've said all along, this baby could have a mind of it's own and we end up with a Thanksgiving baby instead of a Christmas baby. We'll see. As long as he is healthy!!!

boys aren't so bad...

My boys proved to me tonight how sweet they can be. It's not really THAT rare of an occassion but this was especially sweet.

They like to walk over to Hy-Vee or Drug Town (we live just a couple blocks) and buy candy or useless crap they can pile in their disaster of a room - oops off track. Anyway, they walked over there tonight because a friend was going and the last $16 of Brendon's birthday loot was burning a whole in his pocket. It was getting late ('bout 7:15 pm) so I told them to hurry because I didn't want them walking that far after dark. At 7:30 pm it already looked dark so I was going to jump in the truck and head that way and pick them up. When I stepped outside, I realized it wasn't quite as dark as I thought and I'd give them a few more minutes. Within the amount of time it took me to go to the bathroom, they come strolling in. They yelled to me they have a surprise. I could see Brendon holding a rectangular box behind his back. It looked like a large board game or something. Well, when they showed it to me it was a Baby's Activity Rattle Play-Gym. Brendon had spent $5 (obviously a markdown) of his birthday money on his baby brother. Actually both brothers because he also bought Dallas a stuffed animal (he is obsessed with them).

I thought that was really sweet!!!! They'll be good with the baby.

Oh that reminds me - we were talking about buying a house with 4 or 5 bedrooms and Dallas made a comment about how that would be good for us because we are getting a baby. "Getting a baby" - like we will just go to the store and pick one out. HA.

E M B A R R A S S

Have you ever noticed that if you break down the word embarrass you actually get a root word of " bare ass"?! Boy did that ever fit for me last week...

oh yeah - this may be TMI (too much information) for some - not for the squeamish...

a first for me this pregnancy (never had it with the boys)...hemorrhoids! Oh and not your run of the mill hemorrhoid either - mine had a blood clot in it! So, after one trip to the doctor on Thursday and being in too much pain to wait the weeks it would take for the blood to reabsorb into my body, I ended up back at the doctor Friday to have the blood clot removed. Not the entire hemorrhoid mind you - no, that would be too merciful - just the blood clot.

But it was up on that table, on my side, naked from the waist down, with my doctor and his nurse stragetically positioned behind me that I really thought about the word embarrass (or bare ass) - for obvious reasons. And if that weren't bad enough - they have a new nurse who had never seen the procedure done before so they wanted to know if I minded if she watched. Heck, at that point how could I be more embarrassed?! Did you want to pose for a few pictures with the hemorrhoid too?

Hey, I got even though...that nurse didn't just watch - she got to hold my butt checks apart so the doctor could get in there! OH YEAH - I bet that made her day!!! Really though I handled the embarrassment in stride. I just kept thinking "God I hope I don't pass gas!". hehe

And it was about 12:30 pm so Ken and I were joking that we hoped they all had already eaten lunch. Otherwise, a cheeseburger covered in ketchup might night have been so appetizing after that procedure. HA.

On a lighter note, I am finally starting to feel better. The troops are retreating so to speak - I hope. At least I can sit without winching and wipe without crying. Ahhh the joys of pregnancy!

at what point do you leave?

I had an ob check yesterday - the appt was at 10:45 am and I got there at 10:44 am (not late). I waited about 45 minutes in the lobby before they took me back. That wasn't so bad but then I waited another HOUR in the little room before the doctor came in. I was NOT happy. I kept thinking "ok at an hour and a half I walking out". 5 minutes before that deadline I heard someone enter a room near me so I thought ok I'll wait and see if I'm next. 20 minutes later I was still sitting there. I know - I chicken out. I kept wondering what I would do if they walked in while I was dressing to leave. And then I also figured it would still come back on me. They'd say I left without being seen and still charge my insurance which would be crap because I was there - THEY were the ones not seeing me. Would you have left?

So, we were already on a bad note when the doctor asked me about my Level 2 ultrasound. I guess it was too soon for her to have gotten a report back from Iowa City. Anyway, I told her they didn't see anything. PAUSE...she wasn't really responding and I have a tendency that if there is a lull in the conversation I don't think the person understood what I was trying to say so I keep talking and talking. I said, "she said if you used your imagination maybe you could see something but she didn't think it was anything". Still PAUSE....ok maybe I got a "really?". But now I thought I had said something wrong so I tried to qualify it by saying, "well, they saw a bright spot on the right side but said it was muscle tissue and said maybe there was a brighter spot on the left but they didn't think that was anything". Then she lets loose with "WELL, we can CERTAINLY show them the pictures we saw because there definitely was a bright spot!!"

pissy, pissy, pissy

I thought later how that statement was news to me because on the phone she said she didn't see anything the day of the ultrasound at her office - and that it was another doctor who "thought" they saw a "small" echo. Now all of a sudden there "definitely" was something there. It's like she was pissed they are saying it was nothing. Wasn't that the goal?! Isn't "nothing" good news in this situation?!

Ok - this next part might be TMI (too much information) for some of you so be forewarned...

So then it was time for the pelvic check. I have one at every visit so she can check my cervix. And during each of those lovely exams I can alway feel her knuckles burring into my butt as she gets in there far enough to feel the cervix. Having someones knuckles pushing into your butt doesn't feel good anyday but it especially KILLS when you have a external hemrrhoid the size of Texas. (Ok I realize that analogy would then make my butt the size of North America but go with me on this.) No, there's no being delicate - she pushed right on the puppy too.

I was in tears leaving there. My butt hurt, my feelings were hurt, my pride was hurt! I just wanted to go home and crawl back in bed. Since I had to go back to work I treated myself to lunch instead. Still felt crappy the rest of the day! What ever happened to bedside manner?

Some GREAT news and some so so news...

Well, we got mostly great news today. They didn't see anything on the ultrasound. "They" being a technician, (2) doctors and a med student - we had a room full. First the technician did the ultrasound and took a bunch of pictures. She told us when she was looking at the heart that she didn't see anything. The echo the doctor here thought they saw was supposedly in the left ventricle. The tech today said she saw a brighter spot (remember that is what those echos are classified as - "bright spots") in the right side of the heart but that was only muscle tissue. She said maybe there was a brighter spot on the left side but she wouldn't even consider that anything. Later she also said she wouldn't have sent us for that.

Anyway, she went and showed everything to a doctor and then the doctor came in to watch her do more of the ultrasound. Funny thing - in that timeframe the baby flipped and they no longer could get a good view of the heart. They referred back to the pictures she saved earlier while she kept trying to get the baby to move. They were finally able to get a couple more views of the heart. Again, they didn't find anything. The one doctor said maybe there was a brighter spot and if you used your imagination then maybe you could make something of it but she didn't see it as anything. The other doctor said they were beautiful pictures of the heart. I was trying to hold back tears and the med student said, "this is a good thing" so then I had to choke out the words "I know, these are happy tears!". They all smiled and chuckled.

Our theme seems to be settle or discount one issue but find another. Well, turns out that on 1 out of 3 pictures of the baby's kidneys today - they think the left kidney was slightly enlarged. Again, this was only on 1 out of 3 pictures. SO...we get to do this Level 2 ultrasound again at 36 weeks to double check the kidneys before the baby is born. Again, they are telling us this could be absolutely nothing. The said that they have a set size the kidneys should be at 18 weeks, but I'm passed that stage. They also have a set size for the kidneys at 28 weeks and I'm not there yet. So, they said it could very well be that everything is fine for my gestational stage but they just don't have those set numbers. When someone is that far along they offer to come to Cedar Rapids to do the ultrasound. I took them up on that since with my stitches I may not tracel well at 36 weeks. So, that will be Dec. 8th.

Otherwise, I have a regular ob check on Monday the 20th (Brendon's 11th b-day) and another on Oct. 1st so chugging along we go.

The baby measured at 1 lb 12 oz - slightly above the above of 1 lb 8 oz - and the heartbeat was 146. Yes, slowing down to that boy rate.

I can't tell you how relieved we were or thank you all enough for your kind words and wishes. I asked Ken if he had said his prayers this morning or if he had at all. He said yes and asked if I had - and I said yes. I know you all did too.

I saw our family doctor later in the day and I hadn't been in since I've been pregnant so when they asked how everything was going I told them we've hit some bumps along the way but we are getting through fine. Now we pray it stays that way.

Thanks everyone.


OH YEAH...I forgot....

the technician was typing some stuff into the computer before she went to get the doctor. The first words I saw were "no abnormalities noted" and that was great! But then right befor she shut if off I saw this, "view limited due to patient's size". WHAT THE ...?!! I totally don't even know what that means!!! I guess it means since I'm overweight (aka FAT) they couldn't see as well. That totally sucks that they would even say that. I have to say I was kind of offended.

info on the "echo" my doctor referred too...

I tried to do some research yesterday as soon as I had a chance on this "echo" my ob referred to on the ultrasound. The only thing I could really find was about echocardiograms which basically is the ultrasound of the heart. Well, someone from the Incompetent Cervix support group I recently joined (online) turned me on to the actual name they are probably referring too. It's called an echogenic focus - a bright spot (or echo) in the heart on the ultrasound.

Here is a great site that explains it in easy terms and has a good ultrasound image showing the "echo".

http://www.medfriendly.com/echogeniccardiacfoci.html#whatisit

I got a lot of relief from this because it's very common for these echoes to show up on 2nd trimester ultrasounds but it also talked a lot about the possibility of Down Syndrome. I admit, I broke down for a few minutes. It's just so heartbreaking to think of the possibilities. I was trying so hard to convince myself that even if it was a chromosome defect that it didn't necessarily mean any form of retardation. I just don't know that much about it and I was hoping against hope that chromosome damage doesn't always mean retardation. And I don't think that it does but all the reading I've done on this particular condition, they only talked about Down Syndrome.

I truly do not intend to and hope I don't offend anyone who does know of or live with that kind of handicap when I express my fears. Ken and I both have Celerbal Palsy in our families. I've never told my sister-in-law this but I admire her for all she's done for my niece. I admire her strength. It's like I said before that you just never know how or if you can handle these types of things until or if they happen to you. I know I will find the strength yet I feel guilty for hoping that I don't have too.

Anyway, I also found some posts on another message board where people had an echo show on their ultrasounds too and everything turned out fine. They are very informative so I'm including a couple below. I already knew before this that a lot of these genetic or abnormality tests are very unreliable and inconclusive. That is part of the reason we turned them down. I turned down the amnio because of the significant risk of miscarriage and also turned down the Alpha Feta Protein blood test because of the high number of false positives. I also didn't want to have to go through the rest of my pregnancy stressing out about something I couldn't change. Yet here I am doing that same thing.

Still trying to stay positive and keep my mind off of it 'til the test.

Here are those stories of other people's cases...(these were not posted to me, they were posted to someone else at some point who went through the same thing).

"...just went through your very same experience. I was told at 21 weeks that my baby had an Echogenic Focus of the Left Ventricle. My OB was not concerned and said it is a very common finding and sent me to a Perinatologist to do a level 2 U/S. The Peri saw absolutely nothing and told me that the original U/S could have just been on a weird setting that day. The Peri and the OB both told me that this does not indicate D/S and with it being the only thing that was possibly seen on the 1st. U/S they didn't even feel the need for an amnio, which my husband and I would have rejected anyway because we would never terminate the pregnancy regardless of the outcome and the risk of miscarriage and infection are pretty high with amnio. I am 31 years old and this is my 3rd. baby. I am confident that your baby will be fine if this was the only thing they saw. I cried for three weeks waiting for my appt. with the Peri, please try to relax and take care of your pregnancy. I know first hand how scary it is to be told that there may be something wrong, but know that God is in control. My Peri told me that the U/S tech. should never say what the possibilities are especially when this is the only marker. I will be praying for you, your baby and your husband. Hang in there, you will end up very happy in a few months. ...".

"...know what your going through. At 19 weeks they also saw an echogenic focus on my baby's heart. My triple screen came back normal too and my doctor did not advise an amnio (I am 28 yrs. old) She told me her group sees this with some degree of frequency in their patients. She currently had 5 other women with this besides me. At my 28 week ultrasound they could not find the EIF. I visit this site often because it is positive and I have not read one story about EIF being the only marker and a baby having a chromosomal defect. If your doctor feels good about things that's a good sign. Read the old posts on here too and you will feel better. Good luck. ...".

"...My baby had an ECF in her left ventricle at my 18 week ultrasound. I was 34 at the time and no other markers were present. I didn't have an AFP or an amnio but did worry for the rest of my pregnancy. I had genetic counseling and there was a lot of doom and gloom about Down Syndrome presented to me and my husband which was so unnecessary. It caused us so much anguish.

My daughter is 11 months now and perfectly healthy. I am now pregnant with my third child and if my ultrasound shows up an ECF, I definitely won't worry this time. ...".

I'm adding this on 09/13/04 after a response on the message boards over the weekend...

"...I have a very good friend who also as told at her 20 week sono that the baby had this spot on his heart. They told her that sometimes this is seen in babies with downs, but not always. They did not find any other problems that would cause them to suspect a chromosome defect. (thick nuchal fold, SGA ect..) The spot on the heart continued to show up on all subsequent sono's. Her doc told her that from his experience, the spot ended up being nothing more times than it was a problem. She delivered a 8# 7oz healthy baby boy 2 days ago. He does not have any heart problems or anything. I will keep you in my prayers. ..."

Here is just another brief explanation and doctor's thoughts...

Intracardiac Echogenic Focus

Increased echogenicity (a bright echo) of the fetal cardiac papillary muscles or chordae tendineae (usually left-sided) is seen in 3 to 5% of fetuses scanned and is considered by most investigators to be a benign ultrasound finding. Reports of Bromley et al and others, however, have suggested that there is an association between this finding and trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). This group found that 6% of fetuses with an echogenic intracardiac focus had trisomy 21. They estimated that in a low risk population with an age adjusted risk of Down syndrome of 1/250, the presence of an intracardiac echogenic focus would have a 1.5% predictive value for trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). However, other investigators (including data from SJMMC) have not been able to find a statistically significant association between isolated echogenic foci in the fetal heart and chromosomal abnormalities. Further research in this area still needs to be done to clarify the significance of Intracardiac echogenic foci.

I'll definitetly keep you all posted.

possible heart defect...

We didn't get such great news today. If you read my last post, maybe you remember me saying that my ob said she would call me if anything changed on the official ultrasound report verses what she viewed in the office that day. Well, we got a call today that a radiologist thinks he sees a small echo (whatever that is) in the heart. They are sending us to University next Thursday (09/16/04) for a Level 2 ultrasound. This could be nothing - as in they may not even find an echo on the 2nd ultrasound. Or it could be a heart defect, an underlying heart disease, or a chromosome defect.

Needless to say I've been a wreck since I got the call. Then I missed the call back with our appt time so I was wondering why the heck they hadn't called me back yet. I finally checked my voice mail and they had actually called. I'm trying to stay positive but it's scary. We previously turned down all of the genetic testing they offered (based on my age) because we figured there wouldn't be anything they can do anyway. I guessing that if this new ultrasound shows a defect they will insist on an amniocentesis to rule out chromosome defects.

I remember we went through (3) different scares with Dallas - one before he was born and all of those came out fine. So, like I said, I am trying to stay positive and keep my mind off it but it's hard. It's not that I'm worried we'll lose the baby. I know they can do heart surgery and even can do that inutero. I'm worried if it's a chromosome thing then mental retardation always come to mind. Or with a heart defect, life long health problems. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to get through something like that. I guess you never do know until or unless it happens to you.

Keep us in your prayers this next week.

another appt...

Had my 23 week appt today. They were doing an ultrasound to check all 4 chambers of the heart. They saw all those fine but now say they couldn't see all of the spine. My doctor wasn't worried though because they never reported not seeing it on other ultrasounds. If the official report came back any different she was going to call me.

We got some great pictures today. I know I shouldn't even bother saying that since I haven't followed through with getting them up on here. I will, I will, I will! One was really cute where his foot was up by his head but he moved his head right when she took the still shot so it's out of the frame and now it just looks like an odd leg laying in there. HA.

And yes, I said "he". Apparently it's still a boy. It didn't fall off in the last 3 weeks since the last ultrasound. Now just still deciding on a name. I think it's still Nicholas for the 1st name but now we can't agree on Richard or Dean for a middle name. I say Dean. Not just because it is my mom's middle name but it sounds better with Nicholas. I told Ken since he got his boy the least he could do is let me pick the name.

I'm still doing great. My cervix is unchanged - still long and thick. I've only gained 4 lbs overall. The nurse keeps asking me, "you are eating though, right?". OF COURSE - when have I ever not been eating! HA. No, but I don't eat anymore than I usually do and I'm eating the same stuff I usually do. Nothing more (or less) fatten than before. The baby measured at 1 lb 7 oz. The e-mail updates I get from American Baby put the 23 week average a 1 lb. So the baby is doing fine without me packing on an extra layer so we are ok with that.

Starting Monday I get to start parking in handicap at work anyway. For about a week or so now I have been having trouble with the morning hike from the back 40 of the parking lot to the building. By time I hit the sidewalk, I was short of breath, stomach hurt, felt like I was either was going to throw up or pee my pants. I don't know if anyone could ever tell but it's probably not a vision to see me doing Lamaze breathing just to walk from point A to point B. I mentioned it to my doctor and she faxed over a note to work and they didn't have a problem with it. Yeah PMX. We'll see if I get to the point where I need a temporary handicap permit for all my ventures. All that will mean is that I'll be the designated driver to EVERYWHERE. HA.

I start going every 2 weeks now and will have my 1 hour gestational diabetes check in 4 weeks. Oh boy can't wait for that. Nothing to eat or drink for 2 hours before and an hour during - yeah that's logical for a pregnant woman. I don't know if we'll have any more ultrasounds. Probably because they is there best way to measure my cervix. I want so bad to ask if I am going to ever get a 3d ultrasound but I don't want to sound pushy. I know even though they have them they don't always offer them. We'll see.

Well, I am taking off for some much needed veggin' on my couch. I have been working 12 - 14 hours overtime a week and I am taking the night off. Not that it matters much since I'll be working Saturday and the holiday but I'll take it.

didn't realize my face needed fixed, but...

I've mentioned that I've been going on the American baby message boards a lot this pregnancy...well, recently they've changed the format and all the stuff we had built into our signatures had to be re-formatted. I had been having so many problems redoing my pictures. Sometimes they would post really huge - like a full page - and I thought that was kinda vain so I figured I needed to resize them but other times, like in responses, they would post just fine so I was venting on the message boards about it. (I never claimed to be very computer literate.) Anyway, another mom or mom-to-be sent me an e-mail saying that she hoped I didn't mind but she resized my pictures for me and offered to e-mail me the new ones to use. This is her e-mail though...

..."I saved your pics and resized them so they will fit better in your sig. They will also fix your face which looks like it got messed up but it looks fine in the one I did. ..."

I know she was just trying to help but that took me back a little at first! Like I said, I know I'm not the fairest maiden in all of the land but I didn't realize my face was "messed up".

That reminds me of a conversation Christine and I had at her 30th b-day party about the show "Extreme Makeover". I always thought I'd like to have some plastic surgery and hey if it's free all the better but some of those people REALLY need the help if you know what I mean. I don't think I'm that bad off but yeah re-align the headlights (boob lift), trim off some of the underbelly and fenders (liposuction), straighten out and polish the grill (tooth venures & whitening) and clean up the vision in mirrors with some laser treatment (lasik eye surgery) and I'd be good to go. That's not too extreme. Christine and I wondered then if there is a "Moderate Makeover" somewhere. HA.

soooooo sad.......

I was flipping channels and I came across this movie called "When Andrew Came Home". I had never heard of it so I checked the info (mother and son's relationship after he returns from a 5 year abduction is made difficult by the abuse he suffered while he was gone). Right there I should have known better than to watch. I don't know about you all but every since I've had kids - I can't watch things were kids are hurt at all.

Anyway, I did watch the last 15 minutes and I swear I've never cried so hard during a movie. Best I could figure is she was trying to home school him enough to pass some tests - he hadn't never been allowed to go to school. She couldn't reach him. They were staying on her brother's farm and he loved doing things on the farm and with his uncle. Out of frustation she says some things to her brother about how she blames herself for him being abducted (it was his father who did it and she had let him go with him) and that now she doesn't feel like his mother anymore and that she wouldn't choose him as her son and how badly she feels for feeling that way. The little boy overheard her say that and ran away. She ran after him saying she was sorry and that she didn't mean it. He yells at her that he hates her for never coming to look for him. Like I said, it was his dad who took him because he was mad she was seeing someone who loved her and the boy. In the 5 years he had him, he told him his mother didn't want him anymore, that she was tired of him being around. She told the boy how that was not true, how she looked for him everyday. That she had stopped living. Everytime she went to the store or anywhere she would look for him through streets and on playgorunds and how everytime he wasn't there it broke her heart. The sat in the barn from morning 'til night - not talking - the boy had fallen asleep and she went to cover him with a blanket. That startled him, he jumped and she told him he didn't have to be scared anymore. He started to tell her about those years. That they never stayed in one place too long. They moved around a lot - motels mostly. The last place they were at and stayed at the longest was a trailer. They never let him out in the yard during the day. He just sat inside and watched tv. He never got to go to school or know anyone else his age. It was just him, the dad and his girlfriend and the she would hit the boy. At night they would put him outside on a long leash. He would climb a tree and fall asleep. There were animals out there. He would think about her and get mad. He said again how his dad told him she didn't want him. And then he says to her, "but I know you did". He hugs her and says, "I'm home mommy".

Like I said, I was totally bauling. I almost couldn't breath and my stomach hurt. I thought I was going to go into labor. All I could think about was my boys. How it would kill me if anything every happened to them. How my heart would break and my life would be over if they ever had to go through anything like that. They are spending the night at a friend's and all I want to do is call and see that they are ok. To tell them that I love them.

As the little boy was telling his story, I remembered hearing a very similar story on Oprah when she featured as a guest a detective or reporter who had devoted his life to bringing these stories to light and the perpetrators to justice. I can't remember how this boy was found and I missed it in the movie but I think they were taking him somewhere and the car was pulled over by the police and the boy told who he was or they recognized him from the search efforts. Or maybe he had gotten loose somehow and was walking along a highway and was found by a police officer. I'm not sure but I found myself wondering if this really happened. At the end of the movie it said that the mother and child had gone home (from the farm) and were rebuilding their lives. That the father had been tried, convicted and was in prison. It went on to say that the story was fictional though based on real life events. I really think it was this same boy's story I had heard on Oprah.

It was just the saddest thing. I can't imagine the horror kids like that go through thinking no one is coming for them and that no one loves them. It really makes you want to make sure your kids know you love them everyday. I know we all think they must know that but do they? God I wish I could show them and tell right now!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's' Appt

Had another check up today. Every thing is A-OK. I'm measuring right on schedule and I've only gained 3 lbs. Now I don't know if that is three lbs after I gained back the 2 1/2 lbs I initially lost and it's now net 3 lbs gain. OR only a 1/2 lb actual gain if you factor in the 2 1/2 lbs from the 3. HUH? Did that make sense? I didn't want to ask and have them think I'm obsessing about my weight. The nurse asked me how I was doing it. Not from exercise that's for sure! HA. I said I don't know but I feel pretty good about making it half way and only gaining a couple lbs give or take. Of course I still have my biggest months ahead of me - only time will tell.

She did think she felt a "funny" loop in my stitches and said she hopes it isn't coming loose on that side. But she also felt the knot and my cervix is closed so she wasn't too worried. When they did a pelvic a week ago at the ER, she said my stitches were intact. You wouldn't think something would have happened between now and then.

I go back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound - mainly to check the heart since they weren't able to see all 4 chambers last time. I'm wondering if they'll be able to see my stitches on the u/s and make sure they aren't coming loose?! They measure my cervix from the u/s so I would think they could see the stitches. Well, that too time will tell. We'll deal with any of that when the time comes.

Otherwise, feeling good. So glad I can finally feel the baby move. I was thumping around before lunch yesterday and it's pretty active when I'm working on the laptop at home at night. Probably trying to tell me, "mommy quit working so hard and relax!".

Oh the heart rate today was 162 and 160 at the hospital last week. So I don't know, if you actually believe the old wives tales about heart rates above 150 being girls we could still get surprised. I'm going to try to get confirmation on that u/s on 09/03/04. I've going to drink so much water and have the fullest bladder they better watch out for a gusher! HA.

Finally felt it kick!!!

I've been dying for some movement to let me know everything is ok. It's hard when you go a month without an ob check and you aren't feeling it move yet. That's really the only way to know in between appts when you can hear the heartbeat that everything this is ok. Well, I got those fears eased at the hospital Friday. (see the post right below this one.) I heard the heartbeat as soon as the put the doppler on my stomach. She said it kept moving and I said, "you couldn't prove it by me". Well, this morning lying in bed I had my hand on my tummy feeling how hard it was and then it happened. He kicked me. I said to Ken, "ooh, I think I just got kicked". It did it again and I go , "yeah I got kicked". He put his hand there and it kicked 3 more times. He said he didn't feel it though. I don't know how because I had my hand over his and felt it but later I was thinking maybe I didn't really feel it in my hand, I felt it on my tummy and associated it to feeling with my hand. Anyway, I am SOOOO happy. It was really bumming me out that I wasn't feeling anything yet. You actually start to convince yourself that something is wrong. By time I get to an appt I'm so sure they aren't going to hear a heartbeat. But yeah - I felt it. Can't wait to lay down again and see if it happens again.

I guess we are going to have to find a boy name

I ended up at the ER this evening. I've been having some lower right abdominal pain when I stand up or turn over in bed. I've had this for years actually but it's been getting worse during this preg. I kinda let it go thinking it was the round ligament pain I've had heard about but it been happening more often and more intense so I thought I'd call my ob. Given my history (the cervical stitches) the wanted me to go to Labor & Delivery to be checked. They called me back and told me to go to the ER first so they could outrule apendicitis. They did a pelvic and my stiches are intact. So then they sent me for an ultrasound to check my ovaries for blood supply and possible cists and to check my appendix. I told the tech that if she happened to see the sex to not be afraid to tell me because we weren't able to see on the last ultrasound. She was asked me what I already have and I said 2 boys so of course I'm hoping for a girl but this is my husband's first so he is hoping for a boy. She turned the monitor to me and said, "well, it looks like your husband is going to get his wish!" And there is was - plain as day - up there on the screen. The legs definitely weren't crossed this time. Spread wide open - you could see both legs and definitely a dangly in between. My brother said, "so the apple had a stem, huh?". HA. The tech goes, "well, we still get surprised sometimes". Obviously trying to lessen the blow since I had said I wanted a girl. At that point though I was thinking I'D be surprised how it couldn't be a boy after seeing that. As much as I'd like to be in denial - I can't possibly. I saw it for sure.

Ken doesn't know yet. He doesn't even know I went to the ER - he is at work. So, I sent him a text message saying, "Better start thinking of boy names! Call me.". As for my visit - they found nothing just chalked it up to ligament pain (which I figured). They did incidentally find a UTI but that is nothing new. I get them chronically - usually every other month or so. This is my 2nd in this pregnancy. So one thing had nothing to do with the other just happened to find it in all the tests they did.

So, another boy! GOT to start searching for a boy name.

MEN!!!

I've been going on the American Baby (.com) message boards for about a month and a half now - commiserating with other pregnant women. Sometimes we talk about symptoms, due dates, names, etc and sometimes we complain about our DH (dear husbands), BF (boyfriends), SO (significant others), BD (baby's daddy), etc. A reoccurring theme is the DH, BF, SO, BD going out to much or spending more time with friends than wife, girlfriend, whatever. I too have posted about this same problem especially over this last weekend. Reading through peoples responses to mine and others who have the same problem another reoccurring theme I discovered was that we should forgive these guys because they are guys or they are getting it out of their system now since they can't later, or even a few (who cowardly posted anonymously) who said we were treating our men like were their mothers and we should give them a break. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! BARF BARF BARF!!!

I finally had had enough of the excuses and I posted the following:

Why should the guys get to "get this out of their system"...

I've been posting off and on throughout the day about my problems with my dh and his going out. I'm not the only one. I've seen several posts since I started on here about the same thing.

Is it a guy thing? YES! How many of us pregnant women are out having the last rounds of drinks we can have with friends before the baby comes?! ZERO (hopefully)

Maybe they feel they need to get this out of their systems. Or maybe they are scared? JOIN THE CLUB! How many 1st time moms, moms again after a long time, or any mother-to-be here that doesn't have fears, doubts, concerns about how their life is going to change?! I say why should they get their behaviors blown off, excused or chalked up to fear when so many of us actually responsible for the life and well-being of our child at this point feel the same way?! What gives them the right to treat someone they supposedly loved enough to create a child like $hit just because they are scared or not ready?! Especially if these were planned pregnancies. It's not fair to come back now when it's too late to change anything and say you are having 2nd thoughts. These babies didn't get to choose who their parents are but they are coming into this world regardless. These guys need to except responsibility for that - no, they need to embrace that and be the MEN they are supposed to be. Not causing unneeded stress to pregnant women which can directly effect those babies just because it makes them feel better. I say GET OVER YOURSELF!!!! No one has the right to inflict that kind of pain on another person. These are the mother's of their children and in 90% of the cases the person they swore to love, honor and cherish. Like I said before, it's a lack of respect and consideration. And it's crap that it can be excused away so carelessly.

This was one of the responses I got...

Preach on Sista!! I totally agree and that was very well said. I can only PRAY that **** is half the father I had growing up. Oh and the alcohal thing, dont even get me started! I think most of you know my situation with the DUI **** just got. I have had ONE glass of wine in the past eight months and believe me, he hasnt cut back for my sake. Why should HE have to suffer because I cant drink? BECAUSE IM BARING YOUR CHILD.

To which I responded...

I know - why should our lifestyles be the only ones to change?! Like I said, especially with the planned pregnancies - we had someone their with us making the decision and making the baby. I don't remember myself lying in bed with a turkey baster and a vial of his semen. He was there too and needs to be a part of this pregnancy!

_________________________________

Ladies are you with me?! I swear I want to conduct a study. To somehow get guys who have done this sort of thing (walking out on pregnant wife/girlfriend, going out 'til all hours, etc) and have them answer anonymously on why they did what they did, what drove them, did they consider the women's feelings or consider the affect on the baby, did it make them happy, did they regret it, did it work out, etc. I picture myself like Ashley Judd's character in "Someone Like You" who forms her opinnion of why men cheat and leave and writes articles on the subject. I could go on Oprah with my findings. It would give some meaning to having gone through that. Where can I go about something like that? Where can I post an online survery to get men to respond to this subject? It's very interesting to me why they think they can just do this to people when they are most vulnerable.

Oh, well...maybe crusading for pregnant women - nah, ALL women everywhere will have to wait 'til another day. For now, I've got work to do.

Hi y'all...

I know I haven't posted forever but nothing really to report. I don't go back to doc 'til the 19th. Someone was asking about movement - NO, NONE, ZIPPO, ZILCH!!! That I recognize anyway. They say it can be mistaken for gas. Well then how do I know if I actually have gas or it's the baby moving?! It's driving me absolutely crazy. I keep saying I know in 3 months I'll be begging it to stop kicking but com'on...just one kick for momma. Stand up for yourself, throw a tantrum - let me know you are there!!!

We are having a...

...we still don't know.  For sure that is.  We had 2 ultrasounds today, the baby's legs were crossed the whole time so she couldn't get a look.  On the abdominal ultrasound she said she couldn't even give a guess at all but she'd try to see better on the vaginal one.  Baby's legs were still crossed.  However, she did then say about 3 times if she'd have to guess she'd guess girl because she didn't see anything dangling.  But since she really couldn't get in there, there is always the possibility of a surprise when the legs are open.  I took encouragement from that though.

The crappy thing is we won't be having another ultrasound for 2 months.  Either Ken AND I misunderstood last time or she is changing her tune.  We both heard her say I'd be seen every two weeks with ultrasounds every time.  Now she says to come back in a month and won't do another ultrasound 'til the time after that.  At that time they will be re-measuring my cervix and re-checking the baby's heart.  Nothing is wrong, they just couldn't get a good angle to see all 4 chambers of the heart.  The heart rate this time was 146.  I'm choosing to believe that is a sleeping or low activity heart rate because this just going to be a girl. 

The baby is laying what they transversely.  So her (yes, her) head is on my left side, is laying across to where her butt and feet are on my right.  That makes sense to me because a lot of times my stomach feels harder in those places and I figured it was baby there.  I still haven't had any definite movement though.  I think I may have felt a flutter or two but no definite bumps or kicks.  The next 3 weeks or so I really should.

I gained 2 lbs so I am almost back up to where I started.  I think a 1/2 lb off still.  So, that is still no weight gain.  I can handle that.  The baby is not losing out.  She measured at 7 oz with a due date of 12/28 which is right in where they've been saying all along.  I know the gaining will start eventually but I can take some comfort that with no gain yet maybe I keep that in range and not become a huge heffer. 

Otherwise, I am doing fine.  Everything is intact.  If you want me to quote the doctor she says, "everything feels nice and tight" - but that just sounds weird!!!  I think that is why she is going to 1 month checks now because I'm doing so well.  Her exact words were, "I think we can go with a month", so that seems like it's change from what she thought we'd need to do.  But that's ok.  Even though I was set to have another ultrasound in just 2 weeks, I'm glad everything is going well. 

We do have more ultrasound pictures, I swear I will get them up on here soon.  I don't think about it again 'til it's time to get more pictures.



 

 

I slept for 3 YEARS yesterday...

I know they say you can be more tired when you are pregnant but man I didn't think I could sleep for 3 straight years at one time.  No kidding I was watching "I Love the 90's" on VH1, when I fell asleep it was 1994 and when I woke up it was 1997!  You'd think I'd be completely rested after that but I was still tired the rest of the night.  HAHAHA. 
  
 

I guess I'm a stinkin' drunk...

Ken and I went to a friend's birthday party Saturday night and as soon as we walked away from the bar with his pitcher of beer and my pitcher of water (ha), two people made comments to my husband to make sure that I don't drink tonight.  I laughed it off.  Then later Ken asked me to hold his glass for something and as soon as I had it in my hand one of those people from before was standing there and Ken says to them that I am drinking.  They were like "Ken, you gotta watch her".  He was joking and they were joking but I was offended both times it was said.  It implied that I wouldn't take care of my baby on my own and not drink - that I would need to have someone stop me from drinking.  I told Ken to knock it off because I was offended by it and he said I was over-reacting.  Most be those hormones everybody insists are raging inside me (another pet peeve).  Anyway, he went on to say that he knows lots of people who joke to pregnant women about not drinking.  I'm like, "WHY?!".  I don't get the joke.  I don't think it's funny, like I said, to imply that I wouldn't do the right thing all on my own.