Have Some Respect...

I was at lunch with a friend today when my brother, Roger, called to tell me about a conversation he had just had with our oldest half-brother, Danny. Apparently, out of respect to their mother, he and my half-sister, Sherry, aren’t coming to my mother’s funeral. I am completely shocked and awed.

The divorce and subsequent years after between our dad and their mom were VERY BITTER! I’ve heard stories of how she would drop off the kids to my mom & dad saying she was done with them and they could have them. They would enroll them in school, bought them all new school clothes, etc and Marie would come get the kids and take them back. There is also speculation that my mom and dad had an affair but even if that was the case, they went on to get married, have (3) kids together and stayed married for almost 28 years until my dad died. It wasn’t just a fly by night fling. You can’t help who you fall in love with and after almost 50 years, this woman needs to GET OVER IT.

Us kids never grew up together because Marie wouldn’t allow it. I don’t ever remember meeting my sister until my dad’s funeral. That was 20 years ago and since then we usually all see each other once a year or every other year.

I am just heartbroken over this. They say, “out of respect for their mother”. Well, what about out of respect for MY mother?! My mother who only tried to be apart of those kids’ lives and who loved them. What about out of respect for US as their siblings?! A funeral is a time to show respect for that person’s life and for them not to come feels like they have no respect for her.

Roger says, “well, he kept saying how they want us to know that they love all of us and they do think of us as brothers and sisters” and so on. I say actions speak louder than words. Those are just words to me to cover their reasons for not coming. They should act on that love they talk about and be there for us and for my mom. At least come to the visitation.

And these people are in their 50’s. Why can’t they stand up to their mother and say, “I’m sorry but this woman was a part of our lives and these are our brothers and sister and we are going to be there for them”. My other half-brother, Mike, hasn’t spoken to his mother in over a year so I am hoping against hope he will be there.

And one could ask, “would you do the same for them?”. Well, I would have to say no, only because I don’t know her. I have never met her in my life. It’s not like my mom was the first wife and he went on to marry her and she was my step-mother. If it had happened that way then it would be different.

Roger, I think, feels kind of the same way but he told them we understand. Well, I’m sorry I don’t understand!! And I won’t forgive them if they don’t come. It took my father’s funeral to bring all of us kids together and I guess it’ll be my mom’s funeral that tears us apart.