What Do You Do When There Is Nothing You Can Do?

What do you do when your kid is hurting and there is nothing you can do to make it better?

You remember how in late elementary or middle school years when a group of kids all of a sudden turns on one kid from the group and no one will have anything to do with them but a week later everyone is friends again? Man, I do! I still remember this particular group of girls I lived by and rode the bus to and from school with. One time they turned on me and got everyone on the bus to turn on me too and no one would sit by or talk to me. They would, however, talk about me and I would sit there on the bus looking straight ahead, hearing their crap, wanting to cry, wanting to die. Oops - this isn't about me. Save that one for therapy.

My point is, this has been going on since the beginning of time. And boys are no different than girls. Apparently Dallas has had a falling out with one kid in the neighborhood and that kid sucessfully turned the other kids against Dallas. On top of that one of his good friends is in Alaska right now, another is grounded, and another is in Chicago. So, he has had no one to turn to until this all blows over.

To make matters worse, Brendon has been hanging out with a new group of kids so he isn't necessarily partaking in the shunning but is doing his own brand of shunning where these are "his" friends and he doesn't want his brother tagging along.

So, Dallas has spent the last week in the house all alone 'cept for a few times a day he goes out to shoot hoops alone. Brendon and his friends will show up, Dallas will get to hang out with them briefly and then they take off for another kid's house and Brendon tells Dallas he can't come. The look on his face all week has been breaking my heart! They'll all be playing basketball, I'll look out the window and see Brendon and the gang walking up the street and Dallas looks like he's been kicked in the gut. It's killing me.

So, today Brendon and the gang wanted to go to the mall and I said he couldn't go and I wouldn't give him any spending money unless he let Dallas go too. Yes, bribing him to include his brother. He wasn't going for it at first until I left the room saying, "fine, don't go then. You guys can sit around and twiddle your thumbs for all I care!" (I'm a master of snappy ultimatums.) Finally he caved but before I could tell Dallas he could go, they were half way up street, NOT waiting for him so he didn't go. He later said he would have looked stupid chasing after them and none of them probably wanted him there anyway. True, and again, the heartbreak was KILLING me!

So, I decided to try to talk to Dallas about what happened with the neighborhood kids and that he should just go over there and ask them to do something. At least then he would know for sure if they were still mad or whatever. Of course I got a lot of the "I don't knows" and that drives me absolutely crazy. Then I get mad and yell at him for not opening up to me. Handling it like a real pro. Anyway, he didn't want to go over there. I thought it was better than sitting around the house mooping for another week but he claims he hasn't been mooping. Whatever - denial ain't just a river in Africa. Honestly I think the reason he didn't want to go was the fear of rejection. I can't really blame him for that. What if he had gone over and they sent him away, banishing him?! How crushing!

I just have felt so bad for him. And I feel bad that I can't seem to do anything to help.

Ummm, over an hour ago...said kids called and asked him over. I said, "aawww you're all friends again. Are you all gonna kiss and make up?" He smilled and ran out the door! It's soooooooooo nice to see that smile again!