Day 8's list is the things I'd like to change about my body.
1) Lose weight - I have struggled with my weight ever since I had my second child. When he was 1 year old, I still weighed the same as I did the day he was born. I'm sure that played a part in my boyfriend turning to someone else. (That still makes him the bad guy though for not loving me for who I am.) The year he left (1996), mostly because of the job I had at the time (very active, very physical), I lost something like 45 lbs. It was great! Of course I put a lot of that weight back. In 2001, mostly because of the anti-depressant Prozac and a lovely supplement called Fat Burners, I again lost about 30 lbs. It was great! I got a lot of male attention that summer and met my husband that fall. I, again, put all of that weight back on and then some. During my last pregnancy (2004), although I only gained 17 lbs, for the 1st time in my life, I hit over 200 lbs. MAN - I've probably only told a couple people that ever! It's embarrassing. Every New Year I say I am going to diet and I never stick with it. This year has been no different. But my 20 year class reunion is this summer so I am stating right here and now that my goal is to lose at least 40 lbs by then...50 would be better. I am seriously thinking about hiring a personal training. I need someone to kick my butt.
2). My teeth - they are not the healthiest to say the least. They are yellow, crooked and rotting. Man, I am really painting myself as a vision here aren't I? Fat and ugly comes to mind. My parents didn't have the money for me to get braces - I do not fault them for that. Dental hygene was also not a priority in our house growing up. It was that way for them when they grew up. They probably brushed with baking soda. For as long as I can remember, both my parents had dentures - at young ages. I was in the process of paying for my own braces at one point in my life but lost my job so that went by the way side. I do brush every day but it's almost like a little too late. Again, it's embarrassing. A little girl at my son's day care the other day asked me if I brushed my teeth and then kinda waved her hand in front of her noise so I guess that meant I had bad breathe too. Man - nothing like a confidence boost from a 4 year old. They are brutally honest. I felt the need to defend myself, "yeah I brushed my teeth but I've eated and have been drinking pop since then. Really I'm not a scary person!".
3) My eyes - meaning I would like to have Lazik. I know I am lucky to only have slightly bad eyesight compared to some. I thought I was bad at a prescription of -1.75 'til I've become aware that some people I know have -5 or -8 I think someone said and I was like, "OMG - you must be frickin' blind". Just kidding. But still, I would love to wake up in the morning and look at a clock and actually be able to see what time it is. Too look down the long hallway at work and actually see who is standing down there. I have another problem with my eyes. I have severe eye allergies. I have had prescription eye drops but when I ran out, rather than call my eye dr for an appointment, I started using Visine. I used it every day for over 2 years and now I have permanently dialated blood vessels in my eyes. My eyes are bloodshot all the time. I look drunk or stoned all the time. Of course if I do have alcohol then it's even worse. It's embarassing. I worry that if I meet a potential suiter, it will be a turn off. I worry if I would ever be in search of a job again, it would be a turn off. I could come across as looking hung over.
4) My cheekbones - I have high cheek bones and I HATE them. I know, I know - high cheek bones are supposed to be covetted. They are supposed to be money in the bag for models. But, for me, I hate them. Why, because when I smile, those cheek bones are even more pronounced and just take over my face. I have always been self-concious about it. Whenever I have my picture taken, I hold back my smile so that my cheek bones are in check and end up not smiling at all or it looks forced. Biggest case in point, my best friend's wedding back in 1994. I held back my smile in all the wedding photos but to me, in the moment, I still felt like I was smiling enough. The pictures come back and I am not smiling in one of them. That was embarrassing. No really, I felt bad, felt like I had ruined her pictures all over my insecurities. On second thought, maybe I didn't smile because I was 6 months pregnant and crammed into a bridesmaid dress. HA. Just kidding.
5). My hair - I have very fine, limp hair, OHH and have barely changed the way I style it since the 80's. Ok so it's not mall hair but I also cannot go without lift on top and cannot have it straight by my face. So, I haven't leaped into the last decade where basically everyone has straight hair. I don't know how to do hair. I never can do it the way the stylist does. I think they have an advantage being able to stand behind and above the person to do their hair. I don't have enough hands or the know how to do anything with my hair.
6). My makeup - I still wear blue eye shadow - 'nuff said. Send help - I'm hopeless. I do not know how to apply makeup.
7). Boobs - don't really need more, already a D cup, I just wish they were pointing wear they used to be. I never breast feed my 1st two kids but decided to try it with the 3rd. It wasn't real successful, my milk never really came in, but MAN did it do a number on the twins. They weren't too bad off before that, now, nothing but squish. I really hate to have to move up to the reinforced steel belted bra to keep those babies up.
I'm starting to wonder, with the picture I am painting here, how I ever have the courage to leave the house. I'm pretty much a walking mess. HA.
Ok - moving on...
8). Tatoos - I have one and want more. I love the one I have. It's 3 hearts chainlinked together and each heart has the initial of one of my three boys. It's on my right ankle. The hearts are filled in with black light ink. It looks pink in the normal light but under a black light it glows in the dark - a bright, florescent pink. Props to Johnny at Wildside Tatoo & Body Piercing. I think it is true that once you get inked, you want more. I just haven't decided where and what. I thought about getting something as a permanent toe ring. I've thought about the shoulder blade area and also the lower back area.
9). Belly Button Ring - if I were to loose the weight, I wouldn't mind getting my belly button pierced. I don't know, maybe I am getting too old to wear the crop tops required to actually show it off. I've heard it hurts worse than child birth. I have three kids but all c-sections so I guess I don't know how bad childbirth can get. Dialated 4.5 centemeters was pretty damn painful - I can't imagine 10 centemeters and pushing.
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