They mingled at the same party, both knowing the other was there, it didn't seem out of the ordinary to her. Eventually, making the rounds brought them to each other. After a couple minutes of smiles and small talk, he tells her how he has had a crush on her for years. How whenever he sees her, he thinks about what it would be like to touch her.
Although she is shocked by what she is hearing, she instantly blushes, her smile grows larger. It feels good to hear his words but she doesn’t know whether to trust it as anything more than the alcohol talking.
She's insecure. She doesn't feel attractive when she looks in the mirror. Nobody says things like that to her. She is the fun girl everyone can laugh with, not the object of their desires. In the past her insecurities had made her easy prey for guys who only wanted one thing. Enough alcohol, mixed with a little attention, topped with just the right words could win them their way with her. She'd feel a temporary high but it always gave way to shame and loneliness. So how could she help but think this was any different?
She wasn't the girl she used to be. She had finally learned that sex does not equal love. Casual sex, no matter how hot or how satisfying, was not going to bring her her soul mate. But in her mind, her soul mate would say these words she was hearing from him.
She had tried to counter them with things like, "come on, you're married" and "I've always gotten the impression you really love your wife". Stabbing holes in any plausibility these feelings he claimed to have could be true.
He didn't deny it. In fact, admitting it was true that he did love his wife. "But there is something about you”, he said. "It's your personality. You are always so bubbly and happy. I watch you and think about what it would be like to be with you. Even as your body has changed over the years, it didn't matter to me. I still wanted you", he told her intently.
This couldn't be happening. What girl hasn't dreamed of someone who sees them for a person and not just a warm body? Who sees passed their size and likes them for who they are. That seeing her that way makes them want her in every sense of the word. To find someone has fantasized about them from a far for years rather than being the only prospect at the end of the night.
It was becoming harder for her to resist his charm. They kept talking, her now coyly taking in his thoughts. Softly holding her drink to her lips, occasionally playfully biting the rim of the glass. She looks at him, smiling brightly, shyly holding his eyes for moments than bashfully looking away. He leans in and says, "you're teasing me."
She laughed and swore she wasn't. Maybe she was. Maybe she was teasing the moment. Knowing it wouldn't last. Knowing it couldn't. She doesn't even remember what she was saying when he suddenly kissed her.
There was a lot of conversation and laughter going on around them. Well aware there weren't the only people in the place but not letting it stop them. Had anyone witnessed the kiss? It was quick and surprising but she felt herself kiss back. It was a mere fleeting moment but she had ended the kiss with him. Their lips pressed firmly and fully together.
She tells him she can't believe he did that. He is practically giddy, his smile so big now it dominates his features. He tells her he is glad he did. How he couldn't help himself. Just watching her talk, he had to take the chance. He wanted to take her.
She holds strong. Never wanting to feel used again, she tells him how this can't happen. How she knows he is not saying he would leave his wife and how she deserves more. It hurts to say it. It hurts to let go of how good this had all felt but she knew better. She knew better of herself.
She was a good person and deserved to be loved whole heartedly and not play second best. He agrees. He looks at her and says that she's great and she does deserve all of that. Still playing the prince.
So that's it. It was over. He needed to get going. To get home to his wife. She was going to walk him out. In the parking lot, they would share one more kiss. A longer and more meaningful one. A goodbye.
She talked to a foursome at a nearby table while he said his farewells. She watched him anticipating that kiss she was planning. Waiting to sneak out and have that moment with him. She looked away so that no one would detect her stare. When she turned back, he was gone. He had left alone. Left her alone. It was over.
Although she had stayed a while longer at the party, she thought of him. She remembered every word and that kiss. The memory lingered of the feel of his lips on hers. The heat of that moment when he couldn't not have her any longer. She cried all the way home. She felt stupid for letting herself want what he had said to be true.
Was it? Had he heard about her past and thought of her as that easy prey? Did he know he could fluster her the way he claimed to be flustered by her? She cried at the thought of being a fool to think anyone feels that way about her. Cried at that thought of him skipping out when he hadn't succeeded in getting her to succumb to him. Cried at the fact that she wished it were all true. Cried that it couldn't be.
She had done the right thing yet she still felt used and alone. She couldn't win. She thought she had held on to her dignity but had she? Was there any dignity in being played even if the guy didn't score? To her, the score was cruel world - 100, her heart - 0.
The next day she was still solemn. She replayed the night over and over in her mind. She didn't know what would happen when they saw each other again. She knew that time would come soon enough. Would he even remember? Had the alcohol given the courage to finally say all the things he'd been feeling? Will the alcohol cause him to also forget that he had? She didn't know what to expect but she was feeling the moments they had shared were the moments she had dreamed of.
Someday, someone will say those things to her and have the conviction to stand behind them. He'll take those feelings he can't deny inside himself and make them the reason he needs to be with her. To truly be with her. She deserves nothing less and wants nothing more. That day, that guy, that will be her soul mate. That day, that guy, that moment...will be hers.
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