stream of consciousness...

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but inside it's so insightful, outside the ice and snow is falling and no friends are coming calling...I am soooo bored...sitting around with nothing to do but think...contempating the differences, if any, between lonliness and Alonliness. Looking at my bare Christmas tree that for now is as empty as I feel - for now. Fueling myself today with butter sandwiches and burnt peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Watching Janet find her prince charming in one Eddie Lateca on October Road isn't helping. Hey but I am happy for her. My boys are away and I miss them. I always look forward to some down time, some quiet time when they go for weekends to their dads' but the truth is I have my fill of that by the end of the first night. I spend the rest of the time missing their smiles and laughter and five minutes after they get home I'm cursing them for fighting or tormenating. Jumped up this morning at the first sound of sleet hitting my window knowing I had to go pay my rent today. Don't want to pay any late fees ($10 a day you know) or the $50 court cost for the 3 day notice to evict. (Hmmm - wonder how I know how much the fees are?) Rent...on a cold, cold place. It's cold outside...cold inside...the windows are drafty, there is a gap in the front door frame, no storm door, no one to cuddle under a blanket on the couch with. I am systematically going through my dvr. First Big Shots, then Desperate Housewives, then Samantha Who, then October Rd, now Gossip Girl, soon Life, followed by Dirty Sexy Money, then ER, oh and another Big Shots. Thinking of treking to the mailbox knowing it's probably full of overdue notices but really wondering if possibly there is a Soap Opera Digest. I can trivally scan through that for about an hour. Not much more substance than that anywhere to be found. Finished my book for book club last night..."Before Women Had Wings"...it's a story of unconditional love for your parents despite an abusive, nay traumatic childhood. Probably should leave that one alone. My favorite part of the book...the main character, Bird, was describing an old woman she had become friends with, her solice from the abusive mother, and although the woman was black the rest of the description made me think of my maternal grandmother. Fond memories but made me miss for the summers I spent with her. The sleet is really pounding now. The heat just kicked on. Can forced air heat warm the soul? It's dark. Only the lights of the tv, the tree, and the blinds occassionally moving in the breeze. I liked reading again. I found my favorite spot to read was curled up in the opposite corner of the couch under the lamp, book on arm of couch, something to drink on the end table. That's where I finished the book. I should read more. Good thing the book club came up. Something to have going on. Can't wait 'til my scented book marks come - should prove even more enjoyable. Should be working right now. Could use the distraction (could use the money) but can't bring myself to dig it out. Makes me tired. Should get over that - tiredness that is - if I'm going to work a 2nd job sleep will be a thing of the past. I have an application for the Casey's by my house. I've had it for a couple weeks now. Haven't filled it out. Too scared. Scared I am too lazy to work 2 jobs, scared I can't phycially do it, scared to leave my kids to do it, scared of what it will do to me to do it, scared of what it will do to us if I don't do it. You know how in the movies when people are scared they don't move. I get that. All those scary reasons equals doing nothing at all. Doing nothing at all equals being in denial. Being in denial equals things get worse and worse. Things getting worse knowing you could make them better. Knowing you could make things better and don't equals shame. Shame equals silence. Silence equals no one knows. No one knows equals alone. Alone equals nothing. Nothing equals me. Me equals trouble. Trouble equals scared. Scared equals swirling all around in all of that all over and over again and again and again. Again equals endless. Endless equals hopeless. Hopeless equals me. Me equals nothing. Nothing equals me. THE END. That's what I say when I read books to Jace. Even if it's not written on the page. I always finish with an enthusastic THE END. Now he says it too. We hit the last page and he bursts THE END. Funny huh?! The stream is running low. Loss of thought, loss of content, loss of consciousness. It's late...afternoon that is...probably nap time by now. Yeah...sounds good...nap it is.

What's in the water...

Anyone reading this locally knows about the boil order issued yesterday that the city water in some areas was contaminated and not safe for drinking, cooking, or even brushing your teeth. I was reading on channel 9's website about the boil order being lifted already. As I was reading this line...

"...The advisory was issued as a precautionary measure after an
incident during construction activities caused a short period of
elevated turbidity. ..."

I could not help but read that last word in my mind as "turdidity" and given the situation, that struck me as oddly appropiate! HAHAHA!

it only took 3 months...

Next weekend will be 3 months since we moved into this house and as of about 11:30 am this morning Jace finally has a room. He was at Ken's the weekend we moved and since I hadn't properly labeled all the boxes...and it was hard to direct all the traffic on moving day...I just told everyone to put all the boxes in Jace's room and I would spend the rest of the weekend unpacking. Like I said...3 months later it finally happened!

To say I am procrasinator is kinda like the old adage "does a bear shight in the woods?". AND I am no Suzy Homemaker either. In fact, at times, I probably boarder on those hoarders you see on Oprah who have so much crap in their houses that all there is a a small path between rooms. Just kidding...hopefully. But I don't clean well - it is too overwhelming. I look around and know it needs to be done, I want it to get done but then I don't know where to start so I don't --- start that is. It's much easier to walk away. I know there should not be a bowl of spaghetti-o's from 3 days ago sitting on the top of my computer desk (that was after being moved from the banister). And I also know that sliding it over to make room for dvd's I'm finally unpacking isn't really the solution either. I know all of this logically but it's not enough to make me physically do something about it. It's kinda like a reverse panic attack...most people would panic at the clutter and think they'd HAVE to do something with it. I panic at the thought of having to do something with it so I do nothing. It's a very debiliating pyschological disorder. I think I should sign up for a study somewhere. So long as while I am away being studied, they bring in Merry Maids to clean my house. I bet Merry Maids wouldn't know what to do with the shit either!

So for today I have overcome and conquered that task. What finally made me do it? I got Ken come help me and once he showed up and was standing there waiting...I really couldn't get out of it anymore. Him being my muscle to move the boxes downstairs really took a lot of the pressure off. We set up Jace's bed and moved all of his toys in there and ever since Brendon & Dallas have been home, they have been playing ball in there. Every once and awhile they let Jace in there to play too! Some things never change!

Another year older and another year employed...

I had an eventful weekend. I had my 38th b-day on Saturday and my 11 year anniversary at PMX on Sunday. Someday I'll get them to cough up the birthday gift certificate they cheated me out of by hiring me the day after my birthday that first year!

38! I can't believe it. Climbing the hill to 40. I remember when I turned 30 - I was devasted. I had never been married at that point and had no prospects on the horizon. It was very hard on me. I don't know how I'll feel over the next couple years when 40 actually gets here but in the last 8 years since that devasting doomsday, I did get married, had another baby and am now getting divorced (whenever we finally file). Lots of changes.

As for work, I'm starting my 12th year in the same job. It doesn't seem like it either but when I think that Brendon & Dallas were just 2 and 1 when I started here that just blows my mind! They were just babies then...now they just act like babies...HA...just kidding.

I'd like to think I've grown up a lot in these 12 years. I've had to I guess. I never expected to be in my 12th year as a single parent either. That is the single most hardest job I'll ever have and I probably haven't always succeeded. Sometimes I feel like the decision to end my marriage has set me back several years. I was a home owner all on my own when I met Ken and that is gone. I also gave up the home we bought together. I'm renting again. I friend of mine, soon to be the same age as me, just bought her first home. I am very happy for her and at the same time very jealous. I miss having that security and knowing that I accomplished something.

Right now those accomplishments are that my kids are happy and healthy. We may not always have a lot but we have each other. I also have good friends and family. Sometimes I feel like I'll always be considered the "screw up" in my family but I know they love me and when push comes to shove we always come through for each other.

The same with my friends. I'm very thankful for the friendships in my life. I am still in denial that one is moving away but I'll always love her and treasure our friendship. She'll be back for me - how could she live without me?! HA.

Ok, enough reflecting...time to start living that 38th year and do it to the fullest!

LIVE...LAUGH...LOVE

Mama Bear is roaring...

Mama bear protecting her young came out last night at Dallas' basketball game and I decided to send an angry e-mail to the coaches and the principal. The incident happened last night though and I couldn't send the e-mail until this morning...now most people would probably have calmed down overnight and lost their momentum...so, I had to get in "Lola" mode this morning to still express my extreme discontent (Lola is my evil twin who swears like a sailor).

Below is my e-mail to the school...

I am writing this to express my great upset and disappointment about the 7th grade boys basketball games starting earlier than scheduled. Twice this year I have arrived right at or before the scheduled start time only to find that I have missed my son play completely or, like last night, there was 24 seconds left in his quarter and it was only 3:25 pm. This may not seem important to staff but it is very important to me and I would venture to say to most parents.

I saw another parent walk in half way through his son’s quarter last night too. I also overheard another parent ask their son “am I going to have to start showing up at 3:00 pm”. Well, that may not be possible for all parents. Most parents have to leave their place of employment early in order to see their kid play for 5 minutes. I cannot tell you how upsetting it is to jump through those hoops, get there in time and yet miss everything.

I personally have been busting myself not only trying to see my 7th grader but also my 8th grader who plays on the same night. I am starting off at the 7th grade games and then hightailing it, with a 3 year old in tow, to wherever the 8th grade is playing. I do this because I love my sons and will do whatever I can to support them by whatever means necessary. I think every kid should have someone at their event cheering them on. Someone who is there for them. Unfortunately, for my boys, I am that only someone and it’s extremely hard to be in two places at once but I do everything I can. Do you have any idea how it feels to do everything you possible can and still come up short in your kids’ eyes? That is how I felt last night! And why? To start a game 10 – 15 minutes early? Why? So everyone can get home 10 – 15 minutes early? I don’t care how late I get home so long as it meant my kid was given the love and support they deserve. It would be nice if the school felt the same way and helped out struggling parents instead of hindering their efforts.

Snotty Little Twit!

This girl has been calling here all day for Dallas. She called this morning and I told her he was at a soccer game. I was gone myself for a couple hours so I don't know if she called then or not but she proceeded to call about 20 times over the next 3 hours. I didn't answer because why bother telling her the same thing...that the wasn't here. Finally I answered and said he wasn't home, could I take a message. This is what the snotty little twit said:

Twit: "well, I called this morning and you said he went to a soccer game. That was about 11:30".

OH NO SHE DIDN'T!

Me: "yes, he did go to a soccer game and he has not been home since. I have been trying to get ahold of him myself. He is not home.

Twit: "well, ok". Or something snotty like that.

This is a 7th grade girl calling obsessively and then acting like I am lying to her. 7th grade! Dallas does tend to get mixed up in too much girl drama and thinks he can handle it the typical guy way by avoiding but I don't let him get away with it. I told him I'm not going to field the phone calls from the girls so if he doesn't want to go out with someone anymore then he needs to be a man and tell them that straight out.

Turns out all she wanted was to know why he was playing a certain song over and over again at her party Friday night. Yeah...matter of national security there!!! I can see why that warranted 20 phone calls until she got through!

Man, it's going to be a long adolescence!!

(As I was proofreading this post...said twit called again and this time she blocked her number. HA.)

Firefighter Jace!

Here is Jace is all of his Halloween glory. He was definitely the hit of our neighborhood. Every one said how cute he was. A couple people had fire pits going and sitting by them while handing out candy...we told them we were going to have to put their fire out. HA. He had a great time!

Fall Fun...

Ken wasn't able to pick Jace up right away on Friday so he passed the time playing in the leaves down the street. He likes to ride his motorcyle around the block so he crashed it into a pile of leaves.

Tricky Treats

We had a "tricky treats" day today where people brought in Halloween (or fall) themed food (or beverage) items. Here are a few pictures. I brought in "acorns" and punch. Other highlights, I don't have pictures of, were "Poop Dip" and "Body Bit Dip". We also had the traditional faves like pumpkin bars, sugar cookies, cake and party mix. Yummy yummy all the way around!

Acorns
(doughnuts holes, top covered with chocolate
frosting, dipped in toffee bits, and half a
pretzel stick stuck in the middle)

Ghoul Brew
(the punch was just 1/2 gallon lime sherbet (any
flavor will work, we also had orange) and a 2 -
liter of Sprite. The hand was an ice mold. Take
a latex or clear kitchen glove, fill with water, freeze.
I added red food coloring so the hand looked
bloody. Just cut away the glove and put mold in
punch either standing up or floating. Oh, I also
dropped gummy bugs in there for floaties)

Tricky Treats cont.

Monster Toes

(crescent rolls wrapped around little smokies,

green food coloring and black olives for the

toe nails)

Snake

(cresant rolls rolled out, filled with meat and cheese,
shaped into a snake, basted with egg white mixed
with green food coloring - bake. If you look close
you can see it's olives for the eyes and a red pepper
for the tongue)

Hopefully he has learned his lesson...

Dallas is in the basement right now sicker than a dog and hopefully he has learned his lesson...

First of all, he has this friend who is very questionable as to whether Dallas should actually hang out with him. There have been times both his dad and I have said we aren't sure we want him hanging out with him. There also have been times when I do let him hang out with him, I've had to make them take a break from each other because I don't like the way Dallas starts to act around him.

Anyway, today is the only the 2nd time he has hung out with him since we moved back to our old neighborhood. They went to the mall like usual and on the walk home they stopped off at Walmart for a pop (or soda for those not from around here). Hours later, Dallas comes running in from being outside with said friend and our neighbor kid. I didn't hear him go back out but I also didn't hear them tooling around in the basement so I figured I missed him go back out. I was in the kitchen making something to eat and when I came out to the couch to sit down, Dallas was laying on the couch looking hurt.

I asked him what happened and he said nothing. I asked, "then what are you doing?" (couldn't figure it out because the friend was still outside), he said his stomach hurt. I asked him if someone had punched him or something and he said no. He said something about the chips they took outside being stale.

They very well could have been but Jace had eaten them earlier in the day and he wasn't sick. Stale chips taste bad and you may want to puke, but generally they don't actually make you sick.

After a little bit the friend came in to check on Dallas. I asked him what happened and he said he didn't know. Within a few mintues I heard him say "see ya" to Dallas and he left. I figured he had called for a ride thinking why spend the night if Dallas was sick. But my mother's intuition was setting in. Like I said, I know it was not the chips making him sick. I went down and demanded to know if he had smoked or drank anything when they were outside and he swore no.

Dallas will alway try to come up with what he thinks is a plausible scenario for what might have happened rather than take responsibility for what actually happened. But he doesn't realize who he is dealing with and that I spent 3 years hearing the biggest whoppers in the book from the person who wrote the book on lying to me, so I can smell a lie coming out of Dallas' mouth before he even thinks up the lie. Plus he has "tells"...you know...little give aways that you are lying. Supposedly every one has them. Dallas' tells are:

1) he first claims he has no idea. The "I don't know" defense that pierces the brain of every parent because you know that there is no way in H they cannot know.

2) go with the most outrageous plot to deflect even the slightest suspicion off yourself. I'll call this the "Subway was robbed" defense in memory of one of the biggest whoppers his dad ever told me to explain why he wasn't home when he probably should have been. The theory, I guess, being that if you are going to lie, lie big!

3) this isn't really a "tell" but rather a stage... confession...it's good for the soul you know. Ahh but Dallas will hold out his confession 'til the cows come home. We'll call this the "that's my story and I'm sticking to it" defense. He once stuck by his story so much that he was hiding under his bedding pouting, "no one ever believes me" and "why don't you ever think Brendon does anything" - blah blah blah. He had stuck to his story so long and put on such a show that he couldn't bring himself to actually say the words that he had done it so he had to put his confession in writing.

So, we already had tell # 1 in the "nothing happened" and the friend not knowing what happened and the denial that he had done this to himself. Then came tell #2. Again, I knew this was not just bad potato chips. As I pushed for the truth (and threatened to call his dad if I didn't get it), here it came...

Dallas: "the only thing I can think of is when I was slamming myself against a tree".

Me: "Why were you slamming yourself against a tree?"

Dallas: "I don't know (nice revisit to tell #1), but it was right after I ate the chips and I was already feeling full".

See what I mean about outrageous? Oh he is good. But I wasn't buying it for a second. That's the problem with outrageous... anyone with half a brain can figure it out. And I don't mean to brag but I'd like to think I've got at least 3/4 of a brain.

I left him to his pain. Pretty soon I heard him praying to the porcelein God in the basement bathroom - giving an "offering" so to speak. I kept letting him stew (no visual pun intended) and pretty soon we arrived at stage 3. Dallas called up asking me to come down there. When I did, this is what he said...

Dallas: "I don't think I should hang out with _ _ _ _ anymore."

Me: (knowing this was confession time but really leery of what I was going to hear given that intro) "why?".

Dallas: "well, we were feeling tired and wanted to stay up so we took these caffeine pills _ _ _ _ bought and then we both starting feeling sick so I don't think I'm going to hang out with him for awhile".

Hardy Har Har - silly boy actually thinks he has a choice in the matter. Like that already wasn't going to be a stipulation after what he just told me.

So, I tried to get the name of the pills so I could look them up on the internet and see what the side effects are and stuff. All he could remember was they were called "Jet ..." something and the box was blue and yellow. When they stopped at Walmart for that pop (soda), _ _ _ _ bought them then. During the inquisition he started crying so then I had to tell him to calm down. That getting upset what just going to make his stomach muscles cramp and make things worse. I asked if he was crying because he was in so much pain or because he was afraid he was in trouble. He winched "BOTH". I said, "well there will be a reprimand but the important thing right now is for you to feel better.". I told him to stretch out in bed, with a fluffy pillow and warm blanket and relax.

I couldn't find the specific pill online but a lot of them mentioned that each tablet is 200 mg and he said they had each taken (2). Then I remembered I've taked NoDoz before when working late nights and those are 200 mg each and the adult dose is one tablet in at least a 6 hr period I believe. They had taken twice that.

I went back down and told him I hadn't really found anything but he basically had too much caffeine. I also explained though that I did read that it can be extremely dangerous and asked him if he had learned his lesson about taking pills he doesn't know anything about. He says yes and I truly hope that is true. It could really have been worse. It could have been pills someone gave them rather than something bought over-the-counter. Not minimizing the seriousness at all.

Last I checked on him, his stomach was feeling better. We'll see how he feels tomorrow. Might feel like a hangover - who knows.

Starting to wonder how our parents survived us but makes me certain if they could, I can.

STATE CHAMPS!!

The 8th grade boys cross country team (of which Brendon is a part of) won state this passed weekend. YEAH TEAM! Brendon did not place in one of the top 7 from his school that count toward the team score but he IS on the team and that counts. I'd say he is having a pretty good year since his baseball team was also state runner up this summer.

Is bragging one of the seven deadly sins? I can't help it, I'm a mom!

I don't have a picture of the team with their trophy (I'm hoping someone will e-mail me one) but check out this map of the 2-mile course they ran. Makes me tired just looking at it. The parts that loop down below the parking lot on the map were hills, pretty steep ones at that. There was also a part were they ran through the woods. So I was told anyway...I didn't actually run from check point to check point like some people do. Cross country is new to me so I'm not quite sure how to be a spectator yet! HA.

It may not be the best plan...

We have an e-mail alert system at our school to send e-mails to parents when school will be delayed, cancelled or let out early for any reason. I don't know if other area schools have always had this but this morning on the radio they were taking about the major city schools getting an e-mail alert system so parents can get e-mails when classes are cancelled. They said it also would be helpful to staff members or "anyone" who would like to sign up. I immediatedly thought, "yeah, like any pedophille who then can find out when kids will be home alone". Might not have been the best plan there.

Born to be a star...

Just in case there was any doubt that Jace was born to be a star, here the proof in written in the stars. A picture is worth a 1,000 words.

These are the stickers we used for potty training. First he and Brendon decided to use them to write Jace's name on his bedroom wall, then they decided Jace's face was a better place.

And these I can't even explain but they crack me the H up. Jace is a never ending source of laughter in our house.

Introducing...

Brynn Michelle...born Oct. 7th, 8 lbs 14 oz, 22 1/2 inches. Big, healthy beautiful baby girl.

And this makes 3 generations...below is first time great-grandma, Twila...with her first born grandchild, Justin, and his first born. Man, too bad my brother hadn't been there to complete the circle. Justin is my brother, Roger's, first born too. Isn't life grand?!!

the monitor saga continues...

I ended up shipping back that new monitor from my business trip last week. Decided not to defy Murphy's Law and try to get it back on my own. Well, it took my boss (the next step up boss) all of about 10 minutes after it arrived at PMX to have it hooked up to his computer in his office. Today he is out of the office, so I decided to pull a switcharoo. I kidnapped the new monitor and hooked up my old, dingy grey big 'ole boat anchor monitor in his office. Complete with all my sticky notes stuck to it, my prize pictures of a shirtless Marky Mark back in his rapping/Calvin Klein model days, my shelf that wraps around my monitor with stuffed animals...a white bear with a pink hat, an AFLAC duck and cow..., my wedding picture, a pair of troll doll earrings, a little Precious Moments type figurine bending over showing her bloomers that says "a little behind", my Magic 8 ball. All of it is on his desk now and I have the clean, crisp, where's the popcorn this screen is like the movies monitor on mine. So far everyone in accounting seems to like my decorating job. HA. I also shook the Magic 8 ball until it said "Don't Count on It" and put a sticky note on it asking..."will Brent ever get his monitor back?". When you lift the sticky note it says, "Don't Count on It". Of course I could be setting myself up to see that 8 ball back on my desk with the same saying at raise time. It wasn't me...it was Lola...my evil twin!

I'm a great Aunt...

I don't mean an awesome aunt...although that may be true...today I became a great Aunt (again). My nephew, Justin, and his girlfriend, Amber, became proud parents at 8:30 am this morning (10/07/07) of an 8 lb baby girl...Brynn Michelle.

How exciting especially for my brother, first time grandpa, and my mom, first time great-grandma. I am very happy for all of them. Will post a pic if I get one later today when we visit.

best Chinese fortune cookie proverb ever...

We had chinese Friday for lunch like we do almost every Friday and this time the person who picks it up also got us fortune cookies. Mine said... "IF YOU GOT IT, FLAUNT IT". Haha! Of course once you add the obligatory "IN BED" to the end of the fortune it gets even better. HA. I said, "wow and I didn't think I had plan this weekend...guess I do now!" HA.

Yet I sit at my computer finishing off a pumpkin shake from Culver's and will probably be taking my second nap anytime now. I got fatigue and I'm flaunting it baby...in bed!

it could only happen to me...

Recently when conversing with friends, it was said "it could only happen to so and so". Well, meet the next "so and so". Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...(trip...as in fall...hmmm...interesting)...Christine, you may want to stop reading because it involves injury to a laptop which will send you running to hug yours the way any mother would when hearing children in peril stories...

So, early this morning I left for Charlotte, North Carolina on a business trip. This would not be the fun get away other trips have been where I go somewhere that I actually know someone and actually get to see more of the town I'm in that the hotel, the training site and the airport. No, due to the last minute rescheduling, I am going to training at the same time we have to process a payroll so I graciously agreed to hold up in my hotel room and pull all nighters when not in training to do the payroll. I got all the instructions on how to get logged in anticipating any possible connection problems and the laptop in question was placed in my care via a heavy, protective breifcase looking case (there are keywords in that sentence that will be important like "protective" for one).

Every thing was going fine...my flights went off without a hitch...neither of them too long...the connection in Atlanta went smoothly despite never having flown through there. My only complaint would have been that my carry on bag was so heavy because I decided to skip the laptop case and stick it in my own carry on (which is an oversized back pack really) so that I could also carry other typical carry on items...a change of clothes and hair essentials and sometimes a 2nd pair of shoes all in case your regular luggage gets lost. So, I was set...I only had one carry on instead of two, no travel snafus, life was good.

I really blame the ground transportation attendant (the bitch that she was) at the Charlotte/ Douglas airport for swinging the tide against me. She totally played me for a fool. It appeared as though you needed to talk to the attendant before getting a cab 'cept I couldn't see an opeing in her plexiglass fortress to speak through. I looked at her with longing eyes, "help me" my eyes cried. She pointed to the other side of the booth. "Oh, the window must be over here...how ever did I miss that", I asked myself. Alas no window but there was a handle. "Oh", I again told myself, "you must pull on this and a slot will open". No...the entire side of the booth opened exposing the wench for all to see. I kindly said, "I need a cab to Comfort Suites on University". The troll once again pointed, this time to a line that had seemed to form during our little dance of deception. "Oh"...you guessed it, I said to myself..."this line is for cabs going to my hotel. Why didn't I notice that before?". Ahhhh but no...this was yet another twist in this master tango she as teaching me. Stand in line and take the next cab that pulls into line! GOT IT!! Thank you so much for your help. Can't wait to come your way again. You KNOW they do that shit on purpose. She probably called all the other troll booth attendants laughing or told them back at the bat cave. BEOTCH!

So then I get a cab driver who doesn't know where he is going and $38.00 later (I don't know how many miles that is...once it hit $20.00 my mind went numb) I made it to my hotel.

So, then I'm checking into the suites (another keyword that will be important)...all and all still a good trip so far. And then it happened...my carry on bag that I had deemed to be obviously better than the protective case given to me proved to be too top heavy for sitting unattended on top of my other suitcase and then plummetted a good two feet to the ground! Remember that word protective and how I was not using the protective case (protection...always use protection)? Do you think laptop survived? Sort of. It's now paralyzed from the neck up. Ironically a labtop's brain is in the lower 1/2 (must be male) so I was lucky...it was not brain dead. It was just blind. The monitor was dead. I don't know if a white light came to guide it to heaven or not...I wish I had seen something like that, maybe it could have guided me through the two days worth of work I brought the laptop for.

There I was alone in the darkness. The abyss if you will (fave movie reference). I prayed to the computer gods that the next time I open the laptop "let there be light". I sat on my hotel bed opening and shuting the laptop like I was trying to catch the fridgerator light - if only I were fast enough (you know you've done it). Still nothing...did you know there probably aren't really any computer gods?

Not wanting to admit defeat...and by that I mean not wanting to call my company and confess..I called a local computer repair place. Because of course I would be able to hop into another $40 cab, get a new screen thingy and no one would be the wiser ('til I turned the bill in on my expense report that is. I wonder if I could put that under Entertainment..you're entertained so far aren't you?). The Geek Squad are the ones that diagnosed the laptop with the non-brain-deadedness..and that if I put the laptop on live support I should be able to get to my info. So, I went downstairs to the support center...I mean business center but I use the term loosely because it amounted to all of one computer for all guests to use. It was much like being sent to a county hospital because we had no insurance. I plugged their monitor into the laptop and there was sight again. Ahh, but this was only temporary and I didn't know if other patients would come in needing support or how long the visiting hours were.

After stablizing the patient, I finally contacted it's family (our IS dept) then waited with my own demerol drip for the impending doom...I mean response. I begged them for forgiveness and to tell me that all I had to do was just snap my fingers three times, turn a half circle to the right, hop on my left foot, do not pass Go, do not collect $200 and viola – it would be well again. The phone rang...it was his mommy. She wanted me to try twisting it's head a little and see if that helped. And I thought I was rough on the poor lad. But that treatment did not revive the patient. So, she told me someone (my boss, not my regular boss, but next step up boss) was brokering an online adoption of a new monitor. Ater the money was exchanged and the adoption papers faxed to me, I could hop in a cab and go pick up the 19 " newborn at Best Buy.

The newborn is working out fine. No sibling rivalry yet. The kicker is though I am left with the lofty task of getting both children home...er..ah...safely. Do you think the laptop will get a complex wrapped in dirty laundry stowed away in the luggage compartment whilst I cradle the newborn on my lab in the cabin of the plane? It's not like we'll be in first class.

First class...reminds me...suites...the Comfort Suites...should be all the comforts of home right?! Oh wait...I don't have a chauffuer or room service at home either and end up having pizza delivered too so nevermind - what was I thinking?!

Don't piss off a 2 year old...

Ever heard of the terrible two's? Last night after I ended my previous post and was heading to bed as promised, I rememberd I had not locked my car. (Pesky not having a garage...now I have to be conscientious and I hate that.) Anytime you go outside, Jace thinks he has to go too but it was late and cold so I told him no. I had to scoot him back a little so I could shut the door so he wouldn't follow me...low and behold when I came running back...Jace had locked me out! Little brat! I had to pound on the door and ring the door bell because Brendon was already asleep and Dallas was in his room with the door shut. Finally Dallas came out (it had been all of about 30 seconds you know) and I could hear him say, "who is pounding on the door?". Jace, standing on the stairs, proudly announces, "mommy". Then Dallas let me in. Me, Fred Flintstone and Rodney Dangerfield...can't get no respect.

Back in like Flynn

OMG...I have not been able to get into my own blog for a couple months. Since I am completely computer iliterate when I updated my blog to use Google or whatever it was it was prompting me to do every time I logged in, making me feel like a dinosaur because I had not moved my blog to Google or whatever it was it was it was prompting me to do every time I logged in, it would keep telling me "no account found" or "no such e-mail exsist" or something like that. I didn't have a Google account and it didn't tell me I needed one to move my blog to Google. So here I had finally started blogging again after two years and I screwed myself out of being about to blog again. Anyway, I read my friend's blog almost every day and thoroughly enjoy it so I decided to give it the old college try again but by then I couldn't remember my username or password so I moved around in blogger support for a half an hour ('bout like automated phone systems when you press the wrong # and have to start from the main menu 100 times). Having them e-mail me my information didn't do me any good since we moved a month ago and no longer have that provider. However, there are at least (3) e-mails sent to southslope in the off chance it would miraculously appear in my new e-mail account. I finally decided to just start trying different scenarios and low and behold I got in. In like Flynn.

But now it's time to put my 2 year old to bed so I'll have to blog again another day. Be looking for me!

Ever run out of TP?

So I was in the bathroom the other night when I realized there was no TP. I had bought TP like the week before that and had never made it passed the kitchen with it. So, in desperation I called out to Dallas to bring me some. He was not hearing me so I told Jace to go in the kitchen and bring mommy the toilet paper (intently pointing to the empty roll)...I beleive I had to say it a couple times. Finally he takes off running so I thought, "great, it worked - he is actually going to get the toilet paper! I'm a genius!". What he actually brought me back though was my Soap Opera Digest magazine. HAHAHA! Guess he saw me with that one too many times! HA!

And the moral of this little story is that if mom's ever got any privcay in the bathroom, he would not have known that! HA!

You don't see me complaining do ya...

Tonight I was cooking supper and in the early stages Brendon came into the kitchen, saw me browning hamburger and immediately complained that we were having tacos. We weren't having tacos (that's tomorrow night-hehe) but knowing he would complain even more about the fact that we were actually having spaghetti, I just didn't say a word.

A little while he later he comes back into the kitchen and being the smart kid that he is, he put two and two together when he saw two pots of water boiling on the stove and fell to the floor in dramatics (as predicted) about the spaghetti. The following conversation took place...

ME: "Brendon - you complained when you thought it was tacos and you're complaining now that you know it's spaghetti".

HIM: "I would have rather had the tacos"!

ME: "Well, you can tomorrow night".

HIM: "Whaaahhh!!" - fake crying and flailing around on the floor.

ME: "Come on - I haven't made you eat spaghetti in a long time".

HIM: "...and did I complain?"

Hahahahahaha! I said, "why would you complain about me NOT making you eat spaghetti?! HA!

The conversation really took a wrong turn though when we "compromised" and he would be having spaghetti-o's (& meatballs) while the rest of us had spaghetti. Once agreed I said, "fag-head-e-o's it is". That progressed to "fag-head-e-o's and balls" to, in the end, "fag-head-e-o's and Pete's balls". Fine example I set for my kids. Gonna be kinda hard to tell them to knock off the calling each other gay or saying "that's gay" all the time.

Oh and in case you were wondering all through this post why the two pots of boiling water...every time I make spaghetti I have to make curly (spiral) noodles for Dallas or I'll get the same dramatics from him that I got from Brendon. And Dallas doesn't like "fag-head-e-o's and Pete's balls" so I'd would have been screwed! HA!

Picture Posting Pretty Painless...

...say that 3 times fast...

I was seeing how easy it was to upload a picture into my blog and low and behold it was very easy. Easier I think that 2 years ago because if you frequented my blog back then, I kept promising to post my ultrasound pictures and never did..my bad.

But now that I see how easy it is, I'll have to find some pics of Brendon and Dallas and post them too. Wouldn't want to give them a "new baby in the family" complex or anything.

All my baby daddies...

I was picking up Jace's pictures at Walmart on Easter Sunday and the girl who took the pictures (and who was a bitch when we first got there and spent the rest of the session totally kissing my ass so that I wouldn't be mad at her, which really meant to not complain about her) was working. While we were waiting for the debit card to go through, she was small talking and asked me how my Easter was going. I replied, "well, right now all my kids are with their dads..." to which I immediately realized how bad that sounded! Like a Jerry Springer or Maury Povich show..."all my baby daddies!".

Completely and utterly mortified...

Ever been embarrassed by your kids' behavior...they throw a tantrum at the supermarket, hide under the racks in clothing stores, scream how mean of a mother you are because you NEVER buy them anything, make rude comments to people, beat the living crap out of each other when you or they have company, etc?

Ever been completely mortified by your kids' behavior?

Brendon has indoor baseball practice at least once a week at the middle school. Dallas has gone along many times and has either just watched or helped out if they were short players. Once Salvation Army basketball teams starting having practice there at the same time, Dallas and occassionally even another kid on our street would go and shoot hoops or hang out and watch. I guess there always was a little voice in my head that wondered if this was actually ok with Brendon's head coach. He is a "yes sir - no sir" kinda guy. And by that I mean he makes me feel like I should be saying "yes sir - no sir". But I never heard off any problems and figured they would let me know if there was.

Well, that time came last night. (Side note: because of the opportunity to hang out with the basketball kids before baseball practice starts, we also had gotten in the habit of going to practice about 20 minutes early.) I got an e-mail from the head coaches wife that they need me to only drop Brendon off (meaning not Dallas) from now on because one of the janitors reported the team to the office because Dallas had climbed inside one of the school's glass trophy cases that hang on the wall. (It was about this point of reading the e-mail that the mortification set in!!) It went on to say how their insurance doesn't handle things like that and how Dallas could have been hurt if the trophy case fell. (Now on top of mortification comes the shame of being a sub-class parent.) Then she went on to say that kids cannot be there when coaches aren't so I need to not drop Brendon off more than 10 minutes before practice. (This just reinforces that the rotten parent thing...one of those parents who brings their kids to things early and is the last one to pick them up.)

I already feel low class around these other baseball parents because they have money and we don't and this just amplified that a million times over!! I can't even imagine having to face them EVER let alone tonight when Brendon has practice again.

When I asked Dallas what possessed him to do that, his response was "they told me to". I said, "who is THEY?". He said Brendon and Colt (another kid from the team). I pulled out the old "jump off a bridge" argument and asked if he always does things just because someone told him too (of course he doesn't do what I tell him too so apparently I don't have the same influence on him!). His response..."I don't know". I HATE THAT!!!!!! I then asked Brendon why he tell him to do it, "you are 13 years old, you know better". His response..."I don't know". I told them I NEVER want to hear those words again. Everything is "I don't know" - yes you do! In that moment you make a choice and there HAS to be a reason that went throug your little head telling you to make that choice! I know why Dallas did it...because he thought it would be funny and it would impress the other guys. He thinks anything is ok to pull off as long as it gets him a laugh from his friends.

Does anyone have the number for a good boot camp because I don't even know what to do with my hellyuns anymore? Calgon take me away!

It's been over 2 years...

It's been over 2 years since my last post...I didn't even remember how to....

Well. I had my baby - my 3rd boy...all now are ages 13, 12 and 2...crazy!

I am recently separated - plan on filing for divorce in the forseeable furture.

I figured why just read about my friend's life in her blog (thebeanblog), although it does help me keep in touch with her life, when I could also be chronicling mine...and how much it sucks!!!!!

So, I'M BAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!

Brothers & Sisters Club

I took the boys to a Brothers & Sisters Club class at the hospital tonight and boy am I SO glad we went. I was hesitant when I first signed up because she said the next oldest child in the class that night was 8 and the age ranges were 3 - 8 years old. I started to think my boys would feel really out of place. We were actually supposed to go last Wednesday and then Dallas got sick so we rescheduled for this Wednesday. I tried to give the boys an out on whether they even wanted me to reschedule or not and they did. I'm glad we were in tonight's class because there were 10 kids all together and there were a couple other boys around their age.

They really enjoyed it. We were supposed to bring baby pictures of themselves so when we first got there they took those and put an ID bracelet on them just like the one the baby will have when it's born. They got an activity book where they could write a story about their own birth. It was fill in the blank so they'd have to ask mom & dad questions. There were pages to color and word games of baby related words, dot to dot, pages where they could put their baby picture, a picture of the new baby when it comes and a picture of them with the baby (again when it comes) all in a row on a page. And above that is a guest book page where they can have the people who visit us at the hospital sign in. They got finger printed on a sticker and that went on a page along with the ID bracelet they got. There was a page to put a certificate they got for attending the class.

They had all the kids sit on the floor and these 2 nurses first showed the baby pictures every one had brought and talked about how different those babies look compared to how the kids look now. All the things the babies in those pictures couldn't do yet or do for themselves that others would have to do for them, etc. They showed life size pictures of what a woman's body looks like on the inside before and during pregnancy. They asked the kids to point out and name things on the pictures. Real names too like uterus and umbilical cord. They talked about things the baby does and goes through while it's in the uterus. I was really proud of my boys, they participating a lot in the discussion and always raised their hand. Unlike a couple other younger kids who talked NONSTOP!

Then we went to a birthing room and they explained the monitors and the birthing bed. Took it apart, pulled out the stirrups. Talked about contractions and pushing. Showed the warming tables they put the babies in to clean them up and check out their heart, give them some air, check length and weight. Showed them how after mommy has gotten up for a bit, they pull down a queen size bed out of the wall for her to sleep in the rest of the time. Showed the refrigerators, tv's and vcrs in the room for when kids come to visit mommy and baby. They showed the little kitchen where there is pop, juice, and snacks for the families.

It got REALLY interesting when we went back to the classroom. First they had some formula for them to try. That was priceless! I took pictures of Brendon and Dallas just as they were taking the sips. I know Brendon's face was already curdling so I hope the shot is good. I couldn't take any more of their after reactions because they both starting gagging and I totally thought they both were going to throw up right there. It was hilarious!!! Then they got to change a diaper on a practice baby. They had to hold the baby then lay out a blanket, undress it and change the diaper. That was great and you know what - they really enjoyed it. They took right too it. I took several pictures of them changing their babies. And the nurse took one of all of us together. At one point Dallas had his baby standing on it's head either moving the diaper forward or putting the legs back in the sleeper. It was funny! Then they picked them up and held them. I got a picture of that too. I really wish we had a digital camera so I could include the pictures right now but it will have to wait for traditional old developing which probably won't be 'til after the baby comes and we finish up the role.

Like I said, I am SO glad I took them. Dallas told me after we got in the car that now that he went to that he is really excited for the baby to be here and Brendon said he was too. That was so great to hear. We had a really good night.

We used the same babies for breastfeeding class the night before and you know, they were actually pretty heavy. Each baby doll had a bracelet with it's name and weight. Mine last night was 6 lbs, 8 ozs (right near our baby's estimated weight) and I thought man this feels heavy. When I asked the instructor she said they actually probably weigh a couple lbs more because of how they are weighted - all in the body and not in the head and limbs. The boys' babies tonight were both over 8 lbs so they were actually handling like a 10 lb baby.

On the regular baby front, I have my last ob check tomorrow. The day after that (Friday, 12/17/04) will be my last day at work. I decided to take Monday the 20th off since Ken did and we'll need that day to prepare ourselves and to be together. Ken & I - AND all of us as a family.

If I don't post before then, we'll let you all know when baby is here and the particulars on weight and stuff.

Until next time...

Baby's Due Date

clean bill of health

Had our last u/s today. As you know, back in September we had that scare that we could be facing a possible heart or chromosone defect and had a Level 2 ultrasound. That ultrasound was fine for the heart and/or chromosones - they didn't see anything at all. But in one picture they got an enlarged left kidney. So, we've had this 2nd Level 2 ultrasound scheduled since then so that they could check before delivery and know if there was going to be anything they needed to do at delivery. GREAT NEWS...we got a clean bill of health. Nothing at all wrong with the kidneys and although they couldn't get a great look at the heart (baby is where it should be - head down, facing backwards - making it difficult to see) - they agree with the more detailed look back in Sept - no defects! We are right on schedule for everything to progress with no problems.

They estimated the baby's weight at 6 lbs 4 oz and average is 6 lbs 5 oz for 37 weeks. So much for our dr thinking it will be bigger than average. Of course I still have 12 days 'til sched c-section (no counting today as a day anymore) so it will still gain but I think we'll be right in there at 7 - 8 lbs. I think I was saying before that Brendon was like 7 lbs 6 oz and Dallas was like 6 lbs 9 oz.

Speaking of boys...I told the tech if she wanted to triple check the sex she could. There was a moment of silence so I said, "we've already been told a boy...", she interrupted me to say, "I was just going to say I hope you were told a boy". So, it didn't fall off in the last couple months! JUST KIDDING! Yes, I wanted a girl having already had the 2 boys but I love this baby no matter what and I can't wait for him to be here with us.

I'm just so happy that will all the scares and bumps we've had along the way that we are just 12 days away from having our little bundle! YEAH!!!!!!!!

Baby's Due Date

My other shower...

Had my other shower Sunday, thrown by Stacy. Lots of people and tons of stuff. Some of you did way too much (and you know who you are) !

I got all of this:

pacifiers (3 sets)
socks (3 sets)
bottles (4 sets)
bibs (4 sets)
rattles (3 including the 2 on the cake)
receiving blankets (3 sets)
onzies (3 sets)
teether (vibrating even)
Destin
baby shampoo
nightime bath & lotion
sleepers (about 8)
Snoopy diaper bag
nasal aspirator (or "booger getter")
baby nail clippers
bottle/nipple brush
tie (or no sew) baby blanket
My 1st Teddy stuffed animal
diapers (3 packages, size 1)
fleece blanket
night light
sippy cups
wash clothes
t-shirts (not onzies)
feeding spoons
eculyptus/menthol baby wash & lotion
baby powder
wet wipes
Nike sweatsuit
vibrating bouncer seat w/attached toys & blanket

Like I said, a TON of stuff!!

We also finally got the baby's room all cleaned out and Ken & his dad put the crib and changing table together yesterday. While cleaning out that room I came across the curtains my mom made when Brendon was born so we decided to use those so this baby will have the same curtains the boys did when they were babies. We haven't gotten everything put away in there yet because we still need to scrub the walls and decide if we need to paint. Soon though!

Basically though now if we should have this baby early, at least we have everything we need to start. Everything else is just stocking up on extras. What a relief!!! Probably more so for Ken than me since someone would of had to take him shopping if anything had happened before my shower.

The boys have been really funny. They both liked the tie baby blanket Aunt Chris made so now they each want one for themselves. I said we'd see if Aunt Chris would have time to make them each one for Christmas. We went out to Hancock Fabrics today they picked out some Iowa (Hawkeye that is not farmland, cows or pigs or something) fleece material. They'll look cool but ummm - they weren't cheap! They also both have been playing with the vibrating teether Jaci, Mike and Tyler got us. I caught Brendon several times biting on it himself to feel it vibrate. That both actually said they each want one as a stocking stuffer. I'm going to do it as a joke! To top that, I also caught Brendon sitting in the car seat once! They are so funny!

Thanks again to everyone for the generousity, kindness, concern and friendship!

Baby's Due Date

Work Shower Today

They through me a shower at work today. Actually it was a pot luck so we had lots of good food!! I told them all how much I appreciated it even though I caught on that something was up. Hehe! It's really hard to pull off surprises so I relly do appreciate the effort!

So, we ate and played a couple games - had some cake and really awesome punch. Their gift was a money tree and it was so cute because all the money was tied on in bows of pink & blue yarn!!! That money was enough to pay for the swing, car seat and stroller I am getting from Stacy this weekend - with some left over to stock up on diapers or something.

The only thing I have bought is a few sleepers. Well, we did already buy Stacy's crib, changing table and dresser. My mom got us a new mattress then for the crib. My aunt sent up from Missouri a high chair and playpen. So that is a lot of the big stuff out of the way and off the mind!

My other shower is this Sunday. Can't wait to see everyone there and to see all the little precious stuff - this is the fun part - seeing all the cute stuff! Just waiting for the cute baby now!

Baby's Due Date

latest visit...

To the ob that is - not labor & delivery!

Nothing was really has changed...

...I gained a couple more pounds - nothing to fret over.

...the baby is head down now.

...I'm still measuring big so she said she thinks the baby will be bigger than average. That all depends on what average is, huh? Some of the stuff I've read online says 7 1/2 - 8 lbs at term is average but from hearing of friends' and friends of friends' babies birth weights, I really think 9 lbs is average anymore. So, I'm going to split the difference and say this baby will be 9 lbs are so. Maybe we should start a pool?! Some of you can even be brave and still guess girl if you want to! HA.

I had my Group B Strep test today. That was FUN!!! I won't go into details of how and where they take swabs from - that right there should be enough for you anyway. This test, for those that don't know, is now mandatory I believe to make sure a mother doesn't have a building staff infection that the baby could come into contact with at delivery. Staff infections can be dangerous to mother and child, although many times it just means antibiotics right away and possibly a little longer stay in the hospital. It probably won't really pertain to me since I am having a c-section rather than normal delivery but I am still glad they take the precaution.

Let's see...like I said, nothing else really. I go back next Thursday afternoon, the day after we have that next ultrasound, so hopefully we still have a clean bill of health then! Keep your fingers crossed!

Got my shower this weekend. I am SO excited to see all the little baby stuff! It's been hard waiting let me tell you! And we WILL have the baby's room all cleaned out by then to put all the stuff in. That is before Dallas' birthday party Saturday night. Phew - we have a busy weekend. That and a lot to do in the next 3 weeks (or less)!!!

Baby's Due Date

ok - I like this one better...

Still messing around with my tickers. I found a site that only puts the days until so I went with that.

Baby's Due Date

new tickers

Just changed my due date ticker a little and added a new one for the scheduled c-section date - that's only 25 DAYS AWAY!!!!

Baby's Due Date


Baby's scheduled arrival (by c-section)

Oops - didn't realize it would say I was further along that I am, just ignore that and go by the "only ?? days left".

we have a date...

Just got back from the dr a little bit ago and we finally scheduled the c-section date. Neither Ken or I are thrilled with it but it is the earliest she would even consider based on my due to date. So, we are looking at Tuesday, Dec. 21st at 7:30 am (of course we have to be there at 5:00 am).

We really wanted either the 17th or the 20th so we'd be home in time for Christmas but, like I said, she wouldn't consider anything before the 21st. Which as Ken pointed out, we really don't know why she would be a stickler on that when she already said that if anything happened after 34 weeks, they'd go ahead and take the baby. If it's ok to take it now if something unforeseen happens, then why couldn't we fudge the schedule by a couple days?! Who knows?!

Anyway, she says we will get out on the 24th so at least we'll still have Christmas morning with the boys but probably won't be traveling to Worthington to see Ken's parents on Christmas Day like we usually do. We just better make sure we have all our Christmas shopping done by the 20th. Maybe we'll both take that day off for last minute shopping if we need to. HA. Funny, doing last minute shopping - all that walking - is what put me into labor with Dallas. His b-day is Dec. 9th.

But the good news is the boys are still in school through Dec. 22nd so we'll have all day at the hospital before we need to worry about getting them picked up. I told Ken I would have him pick them up at school that day and bring them to the hospital.

Otherwise, everything else is going fine. My weight was up to 14 lbs at my last appt but back down to 10 lbs at this one. She asked me how that happened and I told her my last appt was on my birthday and I'd been snacking ALL DAY LONG!!! Good thing I didn't go in yesterday when I had (4) desserts at our department lunch! (MAN, did I pay for that later!) She said the baby is really growing so we always like to hear that. No estimates on weight or anything and she never says how I'm measuring - except once she did say I'm always measuring bigger.

I go back on the 1st. We have the 2nd Level 2 ultrasound on Dec. 8th to check the baby's kidneys. I'm sure we'll get an estimate on size then - we have at the others. We're still pluggin' away.

Thanks for everyone's care, concern and prayers when they were needed. I can't wait to see this baby! Thanks for everything.

half days...

I am officially on 1/2 days through the end of my pregnancy. That is as of 1:00 am Friday morning when I left labor and deliver.

Dallas and I had gone to Walmart after school conference and within a few minutes my stomach started to hurt really bad. I could barely walk, I doubled over the cart handle a couple times. It hurt to bend or squat (like to pick something up). I got out of there as soon as I could after getting what I actually went for and called my mom on the way out the door to tell her I thought I'd be needing to bring the boys over and go to the hospital. I had picked up their supper so while they ate my plan was to lay down. The old ritual of...empty your bladder, drink 4 large glasses of water, lay on your left side and check for contractions - time them if any.

Really not long after getting home I was feeling better. It no longer hurt to walk or bend but I still laid down. I wasn't having any contractions but I wasn't feeling the baby move either. I had called Ken before I laid down and he was going to be calling to check on me at 8:15 pm break so I needed to decide what I was going to do. I called the hospital. They told me to keep doing what I had been doing, drink like 8 glasses of water, for another hour and call them back. I asked if I could have some apple juice too because I had wanted to do a kick count as well.

If you don't know what a kick count is...if you've haven't felt the baby move for a long time you are supposed to eat or drink something sugary, lay on your left side for one hour and count the kicks. You should feel 4 - 6 kicks in that hour. Once you have felt that many, you can stop counting but if you haven't felt that many in an hour, you are supposed to call you doctor.

Anyway, she said yes, I could throw in a glass of apple juice between my waters. In the 30 minutes following the apple juice I felt maybe 3 faint movements - no hard kicks. I called back and they said I needed more sugar. I was suppose to eat a candy bar and have a pop - Mt Dew. Like I need to be told to eat candy. I had already been using a bag of mint Hersey's Kisses to do kick counts earlier in the week. But we didn't have any pop with sugar. I buy for myself caffeine free diet pop so no kick there. The boys did have some Dr. Pepper but I can't stand it so Ken had to go get me a Mt. Dew. (Oh yeah, he had come home at that point...a little after 9:00 pm).

I called back at 11:00 pm and was only right at the minimum of 4 for the kick count for the hour and, again, they were faint not hard. They told me to come on in and get hooked up to a monitor.
After awhile the baby did really start to move a lot. I had a clicker in my hand that I was supposed to push the button when I felt it move. At one point it had the hiccups so I was clicking a lot then. HA. The nurse I had been talking to on the phone all night was who was checking on me at the hospital too, she came in and said everything was going good but my doctor was actually there for another delivery so she was trying to hold out to grab her from the OR to come see me. I was fine with waiting because if my doctor was right there then I wanted to see her too.

She came in a little before 1:00 am and checked my cervix. I still am not dilated at all which is good - let the baby cook in there a little longer - but she did decide to put me on 1/2 days the rest of the time.

I would love to work those 4 hrs in the afternoon and sleep in each day but since I still have to get the boys off to school, I can't really sleep in so I plan on taking them to school at 7:30 am and going to work from there. I guess my hours then would be something like 8:00 ish to noonish.

The good news is I found out that my secondary disability insurance that I took out a year before we even got pregnant because I knew there was a possibility I'd be off work, will not only pick up the difference in my pay for me working 1/2 time but they'll pay the full benefit of my policy which is $600 a month. WHAT A HUGE RELIEF!! I only have a little 40 hrs of vacation time and if AFLAC didn't kick in, I'd have to supplement this time off with vacation and even at that I would have to take some of it unpaid and we just can't afford that. So, now I will get full pay while working 1/2 days and not have to touch my vacation time. Well, except the 1st week waiting period but some of that falls over my paid holidays for Thanksgiving so I still won't have to use much.

I was supposed to go in for a check today anyway but since I saw my dr last night she told me to call in and reschedule that for Monday or Tuesday. I go then on Tuesday at 1:00 pm. I had asked her about traveling to Ken's aunt & uncle's for Thanksgiving and she said let's wait 'til that appt to decide. I think if as long I don't have any contractions between now and then she will be ok with it and she wants me to be able to lay down in the car. His aunt & uncle live in Elkader which Ken says is about an hour and a half away. I really hope I get to go. I have been looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner for WEEKS. If I can't go to Elkader I am having Thanksgiving someone here in town then because I am soooooooo hungry for it. Any offers? Just kidding.

So, once again, I'll keep you all posted.

another week closer...

Had latest ob check today - going every week now. I had totally forgotten to call in on Monday for the results of my Fetal Fibronectin test. When I realized that last night I figured it must have been negative or else I would have heard and I was right. Each test gives a 2 week window so that means I shouldn't go into labor unforeseen in the next two weeks. It sounded then like she would do the test every two weeks 'til I'm much closer.

Much closer? I figured it out earlier this week if I go the full time and have the scheduled c-section around Dec. 17th like I want, that was about 45 days from that moment. 45 DAYS!!! Are you kidding me? That's nothing! Look how fast a month goes by anymore! Sometimes it still seems like we were just finding out we were pregnant but that was WAY back in April. We'd better get crackin' on the babies room. We did get the computer and desk moved down to the basement yesterday. WE - like I did any of it - HA. That was really the major thing though. Now just a bunch of boxes, another desk, a small dresser, end table, tv stand & tv. Put up the crib, changing table and dresser, buy a mattress for crib. AHHHHH! Well, maybe it will be like with Brendon. The day after we finished the nursery, I went into labor and he was born before midnight that night.

I'm doing fine. No more contractions. In fact because of that she decided not to check my cervix today. She said she wasn't going to disturb anything. I'm still only at 8 lbs gained for the entire pregnancy. She expressed some concern over that but I don't know what to tell her. I am eating!!!

The heart rate today was 148. A little up there again from the majority of the times. We were joking at work about it being twins and the low heartbeat we heard so many times was a boy baby and the higher heart beat we heard in the beginning and now is a girl baby. Just joking though - I would think it would be highly unlikely given the fact that I've had 5 ultrasounds. You'd think they would have seen (2) babies on one of them - especially the transvaginal ones. It was a funny thought though.

Well, I'll continue to keep you all posted.

man, it's been awhile...

I haven't updated forever...too much going on I guess.

Well, let's go back...

Starting with 10/16/04:

This was the day of my PartyLite party. By time I gathered everything up at my mom's, hauled it back in the house and then jumped in cleaning my own house (since everyone else was camped out on the couches either playing video games or talking on the phone) oh I'd say by 5:00 pm I knew something was starting with the baby. I took it easy the rest of the day but from 9:00 - 9:30 pm I was having contractions every 2 minutes. Those subsided but I was still feeling pressure. Still not sure if it was serious enough to go to the hospital but knowing that my ob was upset with me that I hadn't gone in other times, I waited 'til 10:30 - 11:00 pm before I went.

They hooked me up to the monitor and not long after that I started having cramps/contractions - whatever they were. They said nothing was showing up on the monitors but they still gave me a shot to stop the contractions. Why they'd would do that if nothing was showing up I don't know but I suppose it was based on what I was telling them I was experiencing. They sent me home just over 2 hours after I had gotten there.

I rested the rest of the weekend and didn't have any more contractions for days.

So then on 10/21/04:

I had my regularly scheduled ob appt. I told her about my trip to L&D. She talked about repeating the Fetal Fibronectin test but it was too soon. It was to be at least 2 weeks. We talked about the connection of these bouts coming on on the weekends when I've been on my feet more and doing more than I do during the week so she said to stay off my feet as much as possible.

She said every week now that I make it she is just happy as can be with because we just didn't know what would happen with my cervix. It's still closed. She also said that if I go into labor anytime after 34 weeks (2 1/2 weeks from now) they'll just let me go. That's mid-November so I'm kind of resigning myself that we may very likely have a November baby. And actually as long as it's healthy, I'd be TOTALLY ok with that.

So, then I was going good until 10/27/04:

I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before. I swear there was an alien space ship hovering over our house the entire night. There was this loud buzzing noise over our house and eventually it started pounding inside my head. I was awake from that before the alarm went off but was just laying there not wanting to get up either. All of all sudden I felt like I was going to throw up. I turned on my side and soon started having cramps. After a little while I went ahead and got up and the rest of the morning I just didn't feel right. When I would walk my stomach felt different, later it was hard as a rock. Around 9:00 am I started having the pressure and pinching. Right then I told Leslie and Carla (the girl who is filling in for me) that I would probably be going home. I stuck around long enough to get Carla to a point where she'd have something work on the rest of the day. My plan then was to go home and go through the routine for pre-term labor...which is empty your bladder, drink 4 glasses of water and lay on your left side for an hour. If you have 4 or more contractions in an hour - head to the hospital. First Ken & I grabbed a bite to eat then I laid down. Within 10 minutes of my head hitting the pillow I was OUT.

An hour later I woke up though again having the pressure and pinching/cramping. I started my water again and waited. It was like that for about an hour and a half but not real intense or painful so again I didn't go to the hospital. The rest of the night I stayed off my feet and felt better just slow moving.

The next day I felt fine and happen to have an ob appt already scheduled that day - 10/28/04:

I told her how I had felt the day before and she re-did the Fetal Fibronectin test. I won't get the results 'til Monday. She checked my cervix, said it feels the same and that the baby still feels high (hasn't dropped).

So, the advice was basically the same. Stay off my feet as much as possible and go to the hospital if anything happens. I haven't had anything since.

Last night was funny though. When the winds picked up so much around 8:30 or so, he (or she) was moving like crazy. Have you ever heard that women can go into labor when there is a storm - it's the change in the barametric or air pressure?! That was really the first time I was seeing my stomach move around like there was an alien in there. No one else was home so it was just me laying there watching it all.

Hey, did anyone notice that I said he (or she) just then? I've been having thougths sometimes that when we go in for the c-section the baby actually comes out a girl. Maybe I'm just holding on to that a little. BUT a couple weeks ago Ken called out the word "GIRL" in his sleep. It was almost an exclamation, like "GIRL??". HAHA. Also the baby's heartbeat was back up to 152 at my appt Thursday. The last 4 or 5 appts it's been 140 every time. Plus I've got other girl "signs"...carrying high and all in front. I KNOW, I KNOW those are just old wives tales and I know of people who had those signs a certain way and it turned out to be the other but it's fun to toss the ideas around.

So it's day by day. Like I said, I've sort of resigned myself to a November baby so we'll see.

more contractions...

Well, I went back to my ob for an unscheduled visit after having contractions every 3 minutes for a little over an hour through the night Sunday night - from about 12:10 am to 1:30 am. I had gone to bed around 10:00 pm and was awoken suddenly at 12:10 am with these pains. Anyway, I was already laying down but after going to the bathroom, I got a glass of water and laid back down to wait it out. It wasn't 'til I looked up pre-term labor online at work the next morning and saw that any contractions over 4 or 5 in an hour you should call your doctor or be seen. I was still just going to wait and see if contractions started back up on Monday before I did anything until I read that so I went ahead and called my ob. They had me come in.

She checked my cervix and said it still feels closed and tight. The also did this test called Fetal Fibronectin where they take a swab from inside and depending on the results it's an indicator of whether I am likely to deliver early. I found this online at http://www.adeza.com/html/ffn_faq.htm. Fetal fibronectin is a protein that acts as a “glue” to hold the baby in place during the critical time of the baby’s development. Towards the end of pregnancy, fFN leaks (the “glue” begins to break down) into the vagina, which is a sign that delivery may be near. A negative fFN test result means that you are at lower risk of delivering prematurely. So negative is the desired result. Now my doctor said that a positive result wouldn't really tell them anything one way or another but this website says a positive fFN test result means that you have an increased risk of delivering prematurely. And it goes on to say, how you are treated for a positive fFN test is dependent on a number of other factors that you may be experiencing in your pregnancy.

Yesterday she sent me home for the rest of the day to rest. I still felt pressure and pinching throughout the day but nothing anymore intense or consistent. I sleep fine and so far today feel ok. I haven't been up walking around much but I think I am starting to feel some twenges of pressure. It's totally a wait and see thing. I am now suppose to go to the hospital if I have more than 4 contractions in an hour. If my doctor had told me that last week when we decided I was starting to have contractions, I probably would have gone in Sunday night. Otherwise, my thoughts were if it got to be a couple hours or I couldn't go back to sleep then I would go in. Since they subsided and I was able to sleep the rest of the night I thought I was ok. She talked about cutting me back to 1/2 days if necessary but nothing else will be decided either until I have another round of contractions or depending on the test results. She had told me to call back in yesterday afternoon for the results but when I called at the end of the day they didn't have them yet. I'll have to call again this morning.

I've been joking all along about having a Thanksgiving baby instead of a Christmas baby but I never thought Halloween would play into it. HA. But no, that's not going to happen, we are going to keep this baby in as long as possible. My mom asked me last night if I was far enough along for the baby to survive if it were born now or soon. I told her survive, yes, but it would probably be in the hospital for a while. The main thing with preemies is that their lungs aren't fully developed. I would think if the contractions continue or I end up on bedrest they may start the steriod injections that are available to help develop the baby's lungs. Otherwise, the estimates or averages of the baby's size at 28 weeks (which I will be 29 weeks tomorrow) is 14 inches from head to toe and roughly 3 lbs. Our last ultrasound estimated the baby at 1 lb, 12 oz but that was a month ago so 3 lbs or more even seems right.

I'll be updating here as we go.

latest check-up...

Had another ob check yesterday - like I said, I go every 2 weeks now. Everything is still fine (well sort of - you'll see why when you keep reading). Gained 4 1/2 lbs in the last 2 weeks. WHOA!! I'm not going to let that bother me. I made it to 26 weeks only gaining 5 lbs and I'm only at 9 1/2 overall. The average at this point is 17 - 24 lbs so I'm still hanging in there below average. While the baby has always measured a little above average. It's all baby. In fact she said she always has me measuring bigger than I should be but my ultrasound dates are right on.

I am starting to have contractions though. Those are her words too - she didn't say Braxton Hicks - she said it sounded like I was starting to have contractions. I had told her about these pains I had low in my pelvis for about 2 hours Friday night. They beared down like a cramp but at the height of it there would be a sharp pain or pinch. Pretty much what I had when I went into premature labor with Brendon. I told her that I laid down, went to bed and if I hadn't been able to sleep through the night or woke up with them Saturday morning then I was going to the hospital. She said that is exactly what I should do. (DUH?!) I had those pains again for about 10 minutes on Tuesday night too.

The weird thing is that after telling her that she didn't check my cervix. I would think if you have a patient who is at risk of premature delivery due to incompetent cervix and they tell you they are starting to have contractions - wouldn't you think you should check to see if they dilated at all from those contractions. I don't know - call me crazy but it seems to me that would be a given. I don't know why she didn't check my cervix either way. I'm pretty sure she has on every visit 'cept when I've had an ultrasound that visit also because they measure it on ultrasound so no need to physically check.

I had my gestational diabetes test on this visit. I'm soooo glad they have that orange flavor drink now. I remember with the boys the brown, cola like stuff. I didn't really have a problem getting it down taste wise. It was the drinking it in 5 minutes that was kinda hard. She said if I didn't hear from he by 5:00 pm then everything was fine with my test and I didn't hear anything. They also tested my iron and that was good at 12.2 - 12 is average.

So, other than we are hitting these heavier more uncomfortable months (I mean do I ever have a waddle when I walk) - we are still hanging in there. I don't know if we'll have any more ultrasounds before that next Level 2 ultrasound on 12/08. If these contractions keep up, we might not even make it to that one. I've said all along, this baby could have a mind of it's own and we end up with a Thanksgiving baby instead of a Christmas baby. We'll see. As long as he is healthy!!!